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lakelewisia.com
Lake Lewisia
@lakelewisia.com
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Community updates and very normal events. Voted Most Liminal Town in Marguerite County eight years running. Visit lakelewisia.com for more.
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Death classes, taught by a combination of spiritual leaders, medical professionals, and retired actors, encouraged people to make peace with their eventual demise by facing it head-on. Exercises included practical planning with legal advice, but spent more time on often outrageous playacting of possible final moments to help adjust to the idea of dying. In addition to the elderly and terminally ill, the classes always saw a few misfit attendees, frequently alarmingly young, who often turned out to be psychopomps in the making.
December 27, 2025 at 12:29 AM
lakelewisia.com
She had been told not to go into the adult part of the library, even though she had read everything in the children’s section already–twice–but someone was whispering. Mean Mrs. Jordan worked on Wednesdays and had once kicked someone out for sneezing too loud, so she really just wanted to warn whoever it was to stop talking before Mrs. Jordan found them instead. By the time she noticed just how very long the aisles in the adult section seemed to be, she had been walking too long to see the way back to the rest of the library anymore, the books on the shelves had artifacts mixed in with them, and the whispering was definitely getting louder.
December 25, 2025 at 12:02 AM
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For those planning to make exercise part of their lifestyle in the New Year but unenthusiastic about lifting dumbbells or running on a treadmill in a gym, we have an alternative opportunity. Through partnerships organized by the community clinic, you can be paired with another local in need of help at home due to injury, disability, or other life circumstances, and get your exercise from activities like hauling groceries or walking pets. Clinic staff have sorted chores according to skills built, from strength training to cardio to psychic resistance, so you can improve yourself and serve your community.
December 22, 2025 at 10:45 PM
lakelewisia.com
For the weekend, some vintage Lewisian lore:
Lost Pet announcement: someone has lost their pet Creeping Dread, which ran off during last weekend’s thunderstorm and power outage, and is offering a reward for any information or help in finding it. The Creeping Dread is gray, mid-sized, and likes to spread itself around to anyone nearby, so it probably hasn’t gone far. If you find yourself experiencing inexplicable anxiety, malaise, or paranoia, check out-of-the-way spots around your home where this creature may be hiding, and remember that it is more afraid of you (and everything else) than you are of it.
December 21, 2025 at 12:58 AM
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When he informed his friend and weekend host that there was a squirrel angrily chittering in a live trap cage in the backyard, he had not entirely expected the smug “serves Mrs. Wilmott right” he heard in response. “Just imagine the persistence of a bird feeder-raiding squirrel and the nosiness of a little old biddy next door, then make her a witch,” she explained as she looked out the kitchen window, which had heavy privacy curtains like everywhere else in the house. “She’s safe in the shade, so I think I’ll let her stew for a bit, and maybe she’ll think better of snooping while I have a ‘gentleman caller’ staying over,” she announced loudly, which set off a new wave of furious squeaking.
December 20, 2025 at 1:24 AM
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The trouble–one of the troubles, anyway–with locking up one’s monstrous offspring in the attic is that one must then tell less-monstrous offspring, “Your brother is a monster and we keep him in there so he can’t hurt anyone,” and they decide they quite like monsters. Then you tell them, “So you must never, ever open this door,” and they decide to whisper through the keyhole and pass notes under the door. Then you tell them, “Family secrets have to stay in the family,” and they decide they and their monstrous sibling will simply have to find a new family in that case.
December 18, 2025 at 12:47 AM
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With the weather taking a sharp turn to colder daytime temperatures, we are happy to announce that Old Man Anatole has been able to emerge from his yearly hibernation in the cryostasis lab at the community college. Trapped on a mountain unknown centuries ago, Anatole was found frozen by local archaeologists and was revived somewhat successfully, apart from his inability to survive in warmer temperatures. When you see him wandering coatless about town, stop to say hello and tell him about something pleasant for you from the past year, as he always enjoys catching up on what he misses during his seasonal sleep.
December 16, 2025 at 1:16 AM
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For the weekend, some vintage Lewisian lore:
A number of apps and services had check-in features, allowing users to register that they had visited a particular location on a given day, sometimes in exchange for discounts and other rewards. What many did not realize was how many analog spots would accept check-ins as well: trees registered palms pressed to trunks, several large glacial boulders could be climbed to check in, and streetlamps took notice if you stood under them for a few seconds and looked up just so. The rewards ranged from an hour of unexpected optimism to arriving just in time to get the last muffin, the subtle sort of benefits that kept such check-ins underrated by all but the savviest residents.
December 14, 2025 at 4:09 AM
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The frat house, for good or ill, was not inhabited by the sort of brownie who helps with household chores or takes offense at squalor. Instead, the unnamed branch of the Gentry who lived there entertained themselves with drinking the dregs of red Solo cups and impressed one another with feats of strength by hoisting near-empty kegs over their wee heads. If these occasionally got dropped on the head of a passed-out pledge, they were usually too still-drunk to believe anything they saw or notice any additional headache.
December 13, 2025 at 4:29 AM
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Keeping an art collective in the black was never an easy job, however commercial one’s works might be, and so none of them were feeling particularly selective when someone offered funding in exchange for a few commissioned landscapes and animal portraits. There was a great deal of cloak and dagger about it, and the collective all nearly died playing at detectives to reveal the Dorian Gray-esque bargain to which they had become unwitting parties. Had they known that the goal was to preserve endangered animals and threatened ecosystems, transferring the poachers’ bullets and loggers chainsaws to their canvas counterparts, they would have done the work for free, though they saw no reason to mention that after the fact.
December 11, 2025 at 1:25 AM
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Congratulations and prizes go to the group of middle school students who successfully located and burned down this year’s Solstice Beast, which had been hidden in a culvert beyond Arrow Point Lookout. This year, the highly flammable straw statue installation was made in the shape of a very fine pronghorn, complete with horns that shot fireworks when ignited, thanks to local sculptors, chemists, and farmers. This is the quickest discovery since 2009, though not the quickest burning, after the 2022 raccoon Solstice Beast was incinerated by a bolt of lightning before discovery.
December 9, 2025 at 1:32 AM
lakelewisia.com
For the weekend, some vintage Lewisian lore:
Did you forget to put your garden to bed for winter, safe under layers of mulch or wrapped up in protective burlap? Your garden may now be overly tired and cranky, like anyone kept up too late, and may be throwing tantrums (and windfall apples or other harvest leftovers). It can be difficult to get gardens to settle down to rest at this point, no matter how exhausted they are, and you may need to reach out for professional help that can provide thick layers of straw and soothing lullabies to coax them into their winter sleep.
December 7, 2025 at 2:56 AM
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“This doesn’t seem like the right geography for hills like this to form,” he remarked in confusion as they drove through a series of low foothills studding the otherwise flat plains. Her boyfriend was bright, curious, and observant, just some of the good qualities that had made her willing to try bringing him back to her hometown, despite the expected difficulties. “They’re barrows, actually,” she told him, figuring that the following conversation, about what exactly would need a burial mound that large and who would have constructed it, would at least pass the time until they reached their destination.
December 6, 2025 at 2:26 AM
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Onlookers would state that the branch had let out a crack like thunder when it broke but still fell too fast for anyone to react, let alone get out of the way. She would state that the falling branch, still thick with autumn leaves, did not so much bash her over the head as whisk her up into a tiny arboreal village in crisis after the fall. The discrepancy between the adventurous weeks she experienced and the frantic minutes onlookers spent freeing her unconscious body from the tangle were not something she could explain, but by then, she was more concerned with getting back to her newfound leafy home than with the petty reality from which she came.
December 4, 2025 at 1:01 AM
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The icicle crops are beginning to grow along rooflines around town, so please watch out for the blue markers designating cultivated areas and avoid breaking or contaminating them. Unlike icicles forming on tree branches and other wild locations, which should only be harvested by experienced foragers who can identify those safe to eat, cultivated icicles can be purchased and used for a number of winter treats. Later in the season, when they’ve ripened drip by drip, look out for flavor-coated icicle pops at Zelena Mishka.
December 2, 2025 at 1:04 AM
lakelewisia.com
For the weekend, some vintage Lewisian lore:
Growing old never struck her as all that bad, when her adventuring days had left her with bad knees and unsteady hands long before age could wreak the same havoc, if it meant quiet nights by the fire with a pair of thick socks to ward off the chill. It wasn’t so much that the stories had left an old woman behind, running off with the next strong, young thing that came along swinging a sword and chasing a legend. Now the stories had to come find her, and those young sword-swingers had to plead for her advice, and she got to sit by her fire while they told her of the beginnings and the endings to be found these days.
November 29, 2025 at 10:54 PM
lakelewisia.com
No wind stirred the lake that day, as the last autumn leaves fell, crisp and cupped, to the water. They scudded across the surface, shivering the glass of it, toward the oddly solid reflection of a tree on the far bank. No one could see the tree spirits captaining the little boats, but there was an invisible migration underway as they left the trees of this dimension in peace to sleep away the winter.
November 29, 2025 at 1:19 AM
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“Oh, you little beast,” her grandmother admonished when she came in with mud to her elbows and leaves in her hair, once again failing to comport herself in a ladylike fashion. It was a familiar epithet, one unleashed all too often on a small child who loved playing in puddles more than playing house, and one taken to heart in a most unintended way. Focusing on the petty offenses of grubby hands and tangled hair distracted from more relevant details, like the emerging fangs and curling claws of a child who had been told to change and had, gloriously, found a way to do so.
November 27, 2025 at 12:43 AM
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For those who might be new to Lewisia, we wish to offer some tips regarding Black Friday sales at local businesses. To ensure that employees, craftspeople, and shoppers alike can properly enjoy the holiday, no stores will be open earlier than 8 AM, so save the midnight campouts for the next full moon. Door-to-door delivery service will once again be available, courtesy of the Urban Sled Creature Club and their teams of dogs, ponies, infernal goats and other friends (donations appreciated).
November 25, 2025 at 1:24 AM
lakelewisia.com
For the weekend, some vintage Lewisian lore:
Local meteorologists wish to remind everyone that the many charming folk sayings regarding weather patterns are no substitute for sensible precautions. We’ve all heard the ones about November ice that can hold a duck (or colossal toad or selkie, per regional variation), snowfall that arrives before the sasquatch winter coats grow in, and what the first type of flower to bloom in a given winter signifies for the coming year. Regardless of what these sayings predict, it’s probably best to bring a warm coat when you go out, keep a blanket in the car, and bring all vulnerable entities inside for the night, just to be safe.
November 22, 2025 at 11:23 PM
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His boss insisted he couldn’t find the key card, and the client insisted they couldn’t set up a new one, so he got an employee to let him in and propped the door with one of the toolboxes he didn’t think he would need for the routine work. No one told him the industrial park had a pest problem, and they certainly didn’t tell the lowly handyman that the pests were vampiric in nature. Fortunately, while the night crew was being picked off on their ten-minute breaks, he used his knowledge of the building’s hidden passages and disused nooks to avoid this latest OSHA violation.
November 22, 2025 at 4:47 AM
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The house, which had already started as a Victorian with more than the usual share of gingerbread, had been transformed over generations into a confection inside and out. The ceilings swirled with pink frosting finish and sprouted lamps like macarons, while the cabinetry had gumdrop drawer pulls and panes of multicolored hard candy glass. Naturally, children loved the eccentric structure, but the witch living there wasn’t really the eating children sort, and anyway, the vintage reproduction oven would never accommodate a decent-sized child.
November 20, 2025 at 1:25 AM
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The recent spate of swapped buttons–tiny shell buttons appearing on hard-worn work denim, heavy brass buttons suddenly weighing down satin nightgowns–has escalated further. Buttons have begun to appear elsewhere as well, replacing backpack zippers and making for rather uncomfortable undergarments, as the person, creature, or entity responsible gets more creative. Most troubling, unconfirmed reports suggest buttons have been attached to trees, rocks, and at least one apparently unbothered parakeet, leading experts in such things to wonder what sort of openings are being kept closed by the new additions.
November 18, 2025 at 12:31 AM
lakelewisia.com
For the weekend, some vintage Lewisian lore:
In the wee hours, when the world hadn’t been invented yet, she liked to go for long walks through the neighborhood. Bundled up in hoodie and pajama pants, she looked to see what existed in the spaces normally occupied by ordinary houses and cars, what lived in the homes of people when they slept. She never worried that they would harm her, since they were like the waking world: just going about their business, albeit in the dark and the fog and the stillness.
November 15, 2025 at 8:34 PM
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Though her clothing was often dated and threadbare, people were more likely to remark on the uniformly gray color scheme of it. She usually joked that someone stole all the colors, because explaining the existence of a pawnshop that dealt in such ephemera was somewhat beyond the scope of the temp agency waiting room. Maybe this job would work out, she told herself, before she had to pawn the color in her hair and eyes as well to make ends meet.
November 15, 2025 at 1:06 AM