Killer Facts (parody)
@killerfacts.bsky.social
Parody fun facts to impress your therapist.
@killernews.bsky.social | @killerastrology.bsky.social | @jswydra.bsky.social
@killernews.bsky.social | @killerastrology.bsky.social | @jswydra.bsky.social
Four simple ways to fend off a #BearAttack:
1. Offer the animal all the cash you have on you.
2. Coat yourself in the scents of a more powerful animal, such as a hammerhead shark or a common housecat.
3. Make yourself seem larger by bragging about your sexual exploits.
4. Nunchucks.
#facts
1. Offer the animal all the cash you have on you.
2. Coat yourself in the scents of a more powerful animal, such as a hammerhead shark or a common housecat.
3. Make yourself seem larger by bragging about your sexual exploits.
4. Nunchucks.
#facts
November 21, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Four simple ways to fend off a #BearAttack:
1. Offer the animal all the cash you have on you.
2. Coat yourself in the scents of a more powerful animal, such as a hammerhead shark or a common housecat.
3. Make yourself seem larger by bragging about your sexual exploits.
4. Nunchucks.
#facts
1. Offer the animal all the cash you have on you.
2. Coat yourself in the scents of a more powerful animal, such as a hammerhead shark or a common housecat.
3. Make yourself seem larger by bragging about your sexual exploits.
4. Nunchucks.
#facts
November 21, 2025 at 4:18 PM
83% of women surveyed said the most attractive thing a man can do is wear a full tuxedo at the gym while deadlifting two golden retrievers and reciting poetry. #facts
November 20, 2025 at 9:48 PM
83% of women surveyed said the most attractive thing a man can do is wear a full tuxedo at the gym while deadlifting two golden retrievers and reciting poetry. #facts
November 14, 2025 at 10:22 PM
A horror movie where food comes to life and eats people would actually be really entertaining and a smart commentary on consumer culture, and I hope every network executive who passed on my script gets eaten. #facts
November 14, 2025 at 8:41 PM
A horror movie where food comes to life and eats people would actually be really entertaining and a smart commentary on consumer culture, and I hope every network executive who passed on my script gets eaten. #facts
Six spinoffs of #TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles we want to see:
1. Adolescent Deformed Shinobi Tortoises
2. Elderly Disfigured Ronin Toads
3. Geriatric Anomalous Ashigaru Salamanders
4. Baby Abnormal Samurai Beavers
5. Middle-Aged Monstrous Shogun Geckos
6. Toddler Freakish Assassin Capybaras
#facts
1. Adolescent Deformed Shinobi Tortoises
2. Elderly Disfigured Ronin Toads
3. Geriatric Anomalous Ashigaru Salamanders
4. Baby Abnormal Samurai Beavers
5. Middle-Aged Monstrous Shogun Geckos
6. Toddler Freakish Assassin Capybaras
#facts
November 14, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Six spinoffs of #TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles we want to see:
1. Adolescent Deformed Shinobi Tortoises
2. Elderly Disfigured Ronin Toads
3. Geriatric Anomalous Ashigaru Salamanders
4. Baby Abnormal Samurai Beavers
5. Middle-Aged Monstrous Shogun Geckos
6. Toddler Freakish Assassin Capybaras
#facts
1. Adolescent Deformed Shinobi Tortoises
2. Elderly Disfigured Ronin Toads
3. Geriatric Anomalous Ashigaru Salamanders
4. Baby Abnormal Samurai Beavers
5. Middle-Aged Monstrous Shogun Geckos
6. Toddler Freakish Assassin Capybaras
#facts
‘Bell tower attendant’ has consistently been the most popular profession for people with scoliosis over the last five hundred years. #facts
November 13, 2025 at 11:36 PM
‘Bell tower attendant’ has consistently been the most popular profession for people with scoliosis over the last five hundred years. #facts
November 13, 2025 at 9:38 PM
The Kook-Aid Man has reportedly gone ‘full MAGA’ is helping the Trump administration find ways to circumvent the Fifth Amendment. #facts
November 13, 2025 at 8:53 PM
The Kook-Aid Man has reportedly gone ‘full MAGA’ is helping the Trump administration find ways to circumvent the Fifth Amendment. #facts
November 8, 2025 at 7:32 PM
There is nothing in the employee handbook that says I can’t bring my pet goldfish to work in a thermos, which means I don’t have to pay the bill from Debbie’s gastroenterologist, and if anything she now owes me a new goldfish. #facts
November 7, 2025 at 9:31 PM
There is nothing in the employee handbook that says I can’t bring my pet goldfish to work in a thermos, which means I don’t have to pay the bill from Debbie’s gastroenterologist, and if anything she now owes me a new goldfish. #facts