Kevin L. Schwartz
@kevinlschwartz.bsky.social
Madison, WI-based comic
"America's Got Talent," season 14
1134 and 3825 are the new 735
"America's Got Talent," season 14
1134 and 3825 are the new 735
Pinned
First they came for the pronouns,
And Kevin did not speak out
Because Kevin was not a pronoun.
Then the aforementioned came for the verbs,
And no speech by Kevin because
Kevin? No verb.
Then for the nouns,
And not out.
Then for
And Kevin did not speak out
Because Kevin was not a pronoun.
Then the aforementioned came for the verbs,
And no speech by Kevin because
Kevin? No verb.
Then for the nouns,
And not out.
Then for
For Trump, the shortest distance between two points is a straight lie.
January 30, 2026 at 10:13 PM
For Trump, the shortest distance between two points is a straight lie.
Please everybody -- every American adult -- please go watch "The Zone of Interest" because right now we are deciding as a nation if we will be the Höss family anew.
January 27, 2026 at 9:53 PM
Please everybody -- every American adult -- please go watch "The Zone of Interest" because right now we are deciding as a nation if we will be the Höss family anew.
First they came for the pronouns,
And Kevin did not speak out
Because Kevin was not a pronoun.
Then the aforementioned came for the verbs,
And no speech by Kevin because
Kevin? No verb.
Then for the nouns,
And not out.
Then for
And Kevin did not speak out
Because Kevin was not a pronoun.
Then the aforementioned came for the verbs,
And no speech by Kevin because
Kevin? No verb.
Then for the nouns,
And not out.
Then for
January 26, 2026 at 3:46 PM
First they came for the pronouns,
And Kevin did not speak out
Because Kevin was not a pronoun.
Then the aforementioned came for the verbs,
And no speech by Kevin because
Kevin? No verb.
Then for the nouns,
And not out.
Then for
And Kevin did not speak out
Because Kevin was not a pronoun.
Then the aforementioned came for the verbs,
And no speech by Kevin because
Kevin? No verb.
Then for the nouns,
And not out.
Then for
It's not gaslighting if they keep you in the dark while they gas you.
January 25, 2026 at 10:33 PM
It's not gaslighting if they keep you in the dark while they gas you.
LIBERALS: Welp. America had a good run.
LEFTISTS: No, it didn't.
LIBERALS: Touché.
LEFTISTS: No, it didn't.
LIBERALS: Touché.
January 25, 2026 at 12:05 AM
LIBERALS: Welp. America had a good run.
LEFTISTS: No, it didn't.
LIBERALS: Touché.
LEFTISTS: No, it didn't.
LIBERALS: Touché.
Gurrrrl, is your number (858) 986-9056? Because 6 is the first PERFECT number and 8589869056 is the SIXTH perfect number, so you’re the first PERFECTLY PERFECT uh why am I still talking when you’re gone.
October 25, 2025 at 9:51 PM
Gurrrrl, is your number (858) 986-9056? Because 6 is the first PERFECT number and 8589869056 is the SIXTH perfect number, so you’re the first PERFECTLY PERFECT uh why am I still talking when you’re gone.
They say suicide is selfish because of those you’ve left behind. But if they’re right behind…
October 18, 2025 at 10:27 PM
They say suicide is selfish because of those you’ve left behind. But if they’re right behind…
My first weekend as feature at Comedy on State. Opening for CHAD DANIELS.
October 7, 2025 at 6:42 PM
My first weekend as feature at Comedy on State. Opening for CHAD DANIELS.
I'd fuck -Ing Austria; marra -Kech Morocco; kil -Imanjaro Tanzania.
September 25, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I'd fuck -Ing Austria; marra -Kech Morocco; kil -Imanjaro Tanzania.
Funny how people who hate calculus are rallying behind a group called Turning Point.
September 18, 2025 at 3:45 PM
Funny how people who hate calculus are rallying behind a group called Turning Point.
Reposted by Kevin L. Schwartz
Say what you won't about paradoxes.
March 1, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Say what you won't about paradoxes.
Reposted by Kevin L. Schwartz
If you've seen one tautology you've seen one tautology.
March 1, 2025 at 7:05 PM
If you've seen one tautology you've seen one tautology.
Reposted by Kevin L. Schwartz
A lie begins at deception.
May 12, 2025 at 6:53 PM
A lie begins at deception.
Reposted by Kevin L. Schwartz
If this sentence is true, it is a paradox.
August 25, 2025 at 8:28 PM
If this sentence is true, it is a paradox.
FREE PALESTINE
September 18, 2025 at 3:36 PM
FREE PALESTINE
I stand with Jimmy Kimmel.
September 18, 2025 at 3:33 PM
I stand with Jimmy Kimmel.
Keep your friends close. End your enemies.
September 10, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Keep your friends close. End your enemies.
Police hate crime. Yet they won't police hate crime.
September 10, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Police hate crime. Yet they won't police hate crime.
Keep your friends too close and you're enemies.
August 30, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Keep your friends too close and you're enemies.
Police hate crime. But police hate crime is the crime they hate to police.
August 29, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Police hate crime. But police hate crime is the crime they hate to police.
"SATURDAY NIGHT LE"
(IV have left the chat)
(IV have left the chat)
August 29, 2025 at 1:58 PM
"SATURDAY NIGHT LE"
(IV have left the chat)
(IV have left the chat)
If this sentence is true, it is a paradox.
August 25, 2025 at 8:28 PM
If this sentence is true, it is a paradox.
CHARITY : CHAIRMAN :: MULTINATIONAL :: ?
August 23, 2025 at 3:25 PM
CHARITY : CHAIRMAN :: MULTINATIONAL :: ?
2^5 + 3^4 = 4^3 +7^2 = 113
Exponents count down: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Everything here is prime, except those two 1s in 113 and those two 4s. But 1 is a kinda-sorta honorary prime-oid, and 4 is 2^2.
Anyway.
Is this already a known equation?
#NumberTheory
Exponents count down: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Everything here is prime, except those two 1s in 113 and those two 4s. But 1 is a kinda-sorta honorary prime-oid, and 4 is 2^2.
Anyway.
Is this already a known equation?
#NumberTheory
July 9, 2025 at 1:19 AM
2^5 + 3^4 = 4^3 +7^2 = 113
Exponents count down: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Everything here is prime, except those two 1s in 113 and those two 4s. But 1 is a kinda-sorta honorary prime-oid, and 4 is 2^2.
Anyway.
Is this already a known equation?
#NumberTheory
Exponents count down: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Everything here is prime, except those two 1s in 113 and those two 4s. But 1 is a kinda-sorta honorary prime-oid, and 4 is 2^2.
Anyway.
Is this already a known equation?
#NumberTheory
Can you split it? Like, "the aisle"? Is that che ating?
July 1, 2025 at 11:41 AM
Can you split it? Like, "the aisle"? Is that che ating?