Keith Bergman
@keithbergman.bsky.social
Walter Mitty in an Incantation t-shirt
Good news, married gay friends! You can now stay married until you die of no healthcare!
November 10, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Good news, married gay friends! You can now stay married until you die of no healthcare!
Up to 40% of buildings with expensive sprinkler systems never even burn down. Republicans are committed to ending the fraud perpetuated by Big Sprinkler and making buildings truly affordable.
November 10, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Up to 40% of buildings with expensive sprinkler systems never even burn down. Republicans are committed to ending the fraud perpetuated by Big Sprinkler and making buildings truly affordable.
You see one lady with acrylic nails using an EBT card and it's your go-to story for thirty years. Fifty of your neighbors tell you their insurance premiums just quadrupled and you can't be bothered with these little outlier stories.
November 10, 2025 at 3:59 PM
You see one lady with acrylic nails using an EBT card and it's your go-to story for thirty years. Fifty of your neighbors tell you their insurance premiums just quadrupled and you can't be bothered with these little outlier stories.
Before you rush to judgement about the Senate Democrats caving on ACA subsidies for no new ground at all, have you stopped to consider they are very bad at their jobs
November 10, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Before you rush to judgement about the Senate Democrats caving on ACA subsidies for no new ground at all, have you stopped to consider they are very bad at their jobs
With apologies to Monty Python:
[Staffer, noticing Trump slumped over] He's not dead! He's just pinin' for the fjourteen-year-olds!
[Staffer, noticing Trump slumped over] He's not dead! He's just pinin' for the fjourteen-year-olds!
November 7, 2025 at 6:03 PM
With apologies to Monty Python:
[Staffer, noticing Trump slumped over] He's not dead! He's just pinin' for the fjourteen-year-olds!
[Staffer, noticing Trump slumped over] He's not dead! He's just pinin' for the fjourteen-year-olds!
[me sexting while Dr. Oz is muted on TV] sup girl, just lost my 400 Trump pounds, wanna get together and make some Trump babies before the midterms
November 7, 2025 at 5:57 PM
[me sexting while Dr. Oz is muted on TV] sup girl, just lost my 400 Trump pounds, wanna get together and make some Trump babies before the midterms
Petition to make salami subs the official Thanksgiving dinner of post-MAGA 2025. I'll make some at my house if you can't get to your family because our entire government is too weaponized against outing a pedophile to pay your air traffic controller.
November 7, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Petition to make salami subs the official Thanksgiving dinner of post-MAGA 2025. I'll make some at my house if you can't get to your family because our entire government is too weaponized against outing a pedophile to pay your air traffic controller.
no babe I'm sure you ARE the greatest country on earth it's just weird that you have to be ordered by a judge to give detainees soap and toilet paper and menstrual products and let them take showers
November 6, 2025 at 2:14 PM
no babe I'm sure you ARE the greatest country on earth it's just weird that you have to be ordered by a judge to give detainees soap and toilet paper and menstrual products and let them take showers
Why couldn’t they call it Nights 6-10 At Freddy’s
November 5, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Why couldn’t they call it Nights 6-10 At Freddy’s
Waiting for all the existential crises and depraved cruelty to end in this world so I can devote my remaining years to researching why Asia did the weird fade-out ending in "Only Time Will Tell."
November 5, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Waiting for all the existential crises and depraved cruelty to end in this world so I can devote my remaining years to researching why Asia did the weird fade-out ending in "Only Time Will Tell."
Maybe if we tell Trump we're loading food aid on a plane to El Salvador he'll make it happen same-day.
November 5, 2025 at 1:56 PM
Maybe if we tell Trump we're loading food aid on a plane to El Salvador he'll make it happen same-day.
Godspeed to the perennial losing candidates in the Toledo city council race whose entire platform seems to be “well, I still have all these signs from last time”
November 5, 2025 at 4:29 AM
Godspeed to the perennial losing candidates in the Toledo city council race whose entire platform seems to be “well, I still have all these signs from last time”
Can't wait till morning when we find out that even a giant irrefutable pie in the face of reality will do nothing to shake the MAGAnauts from their drooling cult. All they gotta do is wait for the talking points of why this was all illegitimate and/or actually a win for Trump. A sect of morons.
November 5, 2025 at 4:17 AM
Can't wait till morning when we find out that even a giant irrefutable pie in the face of reality will do nothing to shake the MAGAnauts from their drooling cult. All they gotta do is wait for the talking points of why this was all illegitimate and/or actually a win for Trump. A sect of morons.
There's still time for Cuomo to achieve his final form and scream "vote for me, you fucking fucks" with his pants around his ankles
November 4, 2025 at 9:38 PM
There's still time for Cuomo to achieve his final form and scream "vote for me, you fucking fucks" with his pants around his ankles
Dick Cheney can't shoot anyone in the face in heaven, nor can he start any wars under false pretexts, so he'll have to get his jollies with small acts of violence, like telling Charlie Kirk all about his widow and J.D. Vance.
November 4, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Dick Cheney can't shoot anyone in the face in heaven, nor can he start any wars under false pretexts, so he'll have to get his jollies with small acts of violence, like telling Charlie Kirk all about his widow and J.D. Vance.
BREAKING: Trump now insists SNAP benefits will not be disbursed until every racist AI reel about welfare queens has been fully aired on all social media channels
November 4, 2025 at 6:08 PM
BREAKING: Trump now insists SNAP benefits will not be disbursed until every racist AI reel about welfare queens has been fully aired on all social media channels
an editorial cartoon of Dick Cheney at the Pearly Gates shooting St. Peter in the face with a hunting rifle
November 4, 2025 at 1:45 PM
an editorial cartoon of Dick Cheney at the Pearly Gates shooting St. Peter in the face with a hunting rifle
"The President is fucking all your spouses, badly, in order of House GOP seniority, and he's doing it right over there, naked ass to the wind. We can see him from here."
"I don't know anything about that, I haven't seen it, so I can't be expected to speak on it."
"I don't know anything about that, I haven't seen it, so I can't be expected to speak on it."
November 4, 2025 at 1:42 PM
"The President is fucking all your spouses, badly, in order of House GOP seniority, and he's doing it right over there, naked ass to the wind. We can see him from here."
"I don't know anything about that, I haven't seen it, so I can't be expected to speak on it."
"I don't know anything about that, I haven't seen it, so I can't be expected to speak on it."
[sidles up to group of fellow teens] man, this daylight savings ish is real 7-6, huh
November 2, 2025 at 1:22 PM
[sidles up to group of fellow teens] man, this daylight savings ish is real 7-6, huh
"WHAT PART OF 'SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED' DO YOU STUPID BETA SOY BOY CUCK SHEEPLE NOT UNDER--- what? Oh, that's the War Powers Act? Well clearly you are not a student of the nuance and context of these living documents and their subtle contortions in the winds of time, old chap"
November 2, 2025 at 3:30 AM
"WHAT PART OF 'SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED' DO YOU STUPID BETA SOY BOY CUCK SHEEPLE NOT UNDER--- what? Oh, that's the War Powers Act? Well clearly you are not a student of the nuance and context of these living documents and their subtle contortions in the winds of time, old chap"
I should probably, just to make sure, point out that this is a funny post I made and not an actual communique from the President of the United States of America
November 1, 2025 at 11:55 PM
I should probably, just to make sure, point out that this is a funny post I made and not an actual communique from the President of the United States of America
Imagine getting a tattoo on your whole entire skin for a dead guy whose widow is couch cosplaying a month later
November 1, 2025 at 11:06 PM
Imagine getting a tattoo on your whole entire skin for a dead guy whose widow is couch cosplaying a month later
Nobody who lives in a blue state should have to pay Federal taxes to a government weaponized overtly against them. If Arizona can't even get an elected representative sworn in, what is anyone actually paying for? We fought a whole war about this once already.
November 1, 2025 at 12:19 AM
Nobody who lives in a blue state should have to pay Federal taxes to a government weaponized overtly against them. If Arizona can't even get an elected representative sworn in, what is anyone actually paying for? We fought a whole war about this once already.
Our trick-or-treat is so slow this year it's giving me bad comedy open mic flashbacks. I almost got on Facebook and posted "still time to get down here!"
October 31, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Our trick-or-treat is so slow this year it's giving me bad comedy open mic flashbacks. I almost got on Facebook and posted "still time to get down here!"