Kathy Overman, Therapist & Coach
@kathyoverman.bsky.social
Leaving codependent patterns may feel like withdrawal, because the nervous system loses its old way to regulate.
That is why attachment panic can surge, even when you are making a healthy choice.
The work is staying present, feeling what rises, and not outsourcing safety.
That is why attachment panic can surge, even when you are making a healthy choice.
The work is staying present, feeling what rises, and not outsourcing safety.
January 29, 2026 at 1:58 PM
Leaving codependent patterns may feel like withdrawal, because the nervous system loses its old way to regulate.
That is why attachment panic can surge, even when you are making a healthy choice.
The work is staying present, feeling what rises, and not outsourcing safety.
That is why attachment panic can surge, even when you are making a healthy choice.
The work is staying present, feeling what rises, and not outsourcing safety.
When you believe you are dependent on outside change, you hand your power away and stay stuck in victim energy.
When you name your role in the pattern, you reclaim choice, build self trust, and take the one step that can empower you.
When you name your role in the pattern, you reclaim choice, build self trust, and take the one step that can empower you.
January 29, 2026 at 1:02 PM
When you believe you are dependent on outside change, you hand your power away and stay stuck in victim energy.
When you name your role in the pattern, you reclaim choice, build self trust, and take the one step that can empower you.
When you name your role in the pattern, you reclaim choice, build self trust, and take the one step that can empower you.
Your nervous system deserves safety.
Become the person who gives this safety to your nervous system.
Become the person who gives this safety to your nervous system.
January 29, 2026 at 12:19 PM
Your nervous system deserves safety.
Become the person who gives this safety to your nervous system.
Become the person who gives this safety to your nervous system.
Your boundaries are not a punishment.
They are a protection for you and others.
They are Self leadership for you and for others.
Your boundaries keep you connected to you.
They are a protection for you and others.
They are Self leadership for you and for others.
Your boundaries keep you connected to you.
January 29, 2026 at 12:18 PM
Your boundaries are not a punishment.
They are a protection for you and others.
They are Self leadership for you and for others.
Your boundaries keep you connected to you.
They are a protection for you and others.
They are Self leadership for you and for others.
Your boundaries keep you connected to you.
Codependency quietly whispers that you need other people to be different before you can feel safe. Then it drives fixing, explaining, persuading, and performing, because a young part believes your safety depends on their mood.
Growth is remembering you do not need them. You need your own presence.
Growth is remembering you do not need them. You need your own presence.
January 29, 2026 at 12:18 PM
Codependency quietly whispers that you need other people to be different before you can feel safe. Then it drives fixing, explaining, persuading, and performing, because a young part believes your safety depends on their mood.
Growth is remembering you do not need them. You need your own presence.
Growth is remembering you do not need them. You need your own presence.
Feelings need connection, not correction.
Feelings need presence, not judgment.
Feelings need loving, safe attention.
Feelings simply need to be witnessed and held.
Feelings need presence, not judgment.
Feelings need loving, safe attention.
Feelings simply need to be witnessed and held.
January 25, 2026 at 2:47 PM
Feelings need connection, not correction.
Feelings need presence, not judgment.
Feelings need loving, safe attention.
Feelings simply need to be witnessed and held.
Feelings need presence, not judgment.
Feelings need loving, safe attention.
Feelings simply need to be witnessed and held.
In many relationships, the real threat is not the words; it is the threat is accountability.
Truth asks you to stay present, tolerate discomfort, and look honestly at impact; while denial for nothing. Your nervous system protests, not because the truth is cruel, but because it demands adulthood.
Truth asks you to stay present, tolerate discomfort, and look honestly at impact; while denial for nothing. Your nervous system protests, not because the truth is cruel, but because it demands adulthood.
January 25, 2026 at 1:38 PM
In many relationships, the real threat is not the words; it is the threat is accountability.
Truth asks you to stay present, tolerate discomfort, and look honestly at impact; while denial for nothing. Your nervous system protests, not because the truth is cruel, but because it demands adulthood.
Truth asks you to stay present, tolerate discomfort, and look honestly at impact; while denial for nothing. Your nervous system protests, not because the truth is cruel, but because it demands adulthood.
Staying in your experience is how you stop repeating old patterns. You learn to tolerate the feeling that you might not be chosen, and you choose yourself anyway. That is how you build trust with you, one moment at a time.
January 25, 2026 at 1:12 PM
Staying in your experience is how you stop repeating old patterns. You learn to tolerate the feeling that you might not be chosen, and you choose yourself anyway. That is how you build trust with you, one moment at a time.
Staying in your experience is not passive. It is discipline you can develop.
It takes courage to feel the discomfort without rushing to control the outcome. The steadier you get, the less you need other people to be different for you to be okay.
It takes courage to feel the discomfort without rushing to control the outcome. The steadier you get, the less you need other people to be different for you to be okay.
January 25, 2026 at 1:05 PM
Staying in your experience is not passive. It is discipline you can develop.
It takes courage to feel the discomfort without rushing to control the outcome. The steadier you get, the less you need other people to be different for you to be okay.
It takes courage to feel the discomfort without rushing to control the outcome. The steadier you get, the less you need other people to be different for you to be okay.
Learning to stay in your own experience is the real work. It is not shutting down and it is not exploding. It is staying steady enough to notice what is happening inside you, name it honestly, and choose what you do next instead of being pulled by the first impulse.
January 25, 2026 at 12:59 PM
Learning to stay in your own experience is the real work. It is not shutting down and it is not exploding. It is staying steady enough to notice what is happening inside you, name it honestly, and choose what you do next instead of being pulled by the first impulse.
The mind says, "Get away from this," while the nervous system says, "Stay with it and it will move." Choose the path that actually ends the cycle of avoidance, denial, and numbing - and you wil find a new freedom.
January 18, 2026 at 12:47 PM
The mind says, "Get away from this," while the nervous system says, "Stay with it and it will move." Choose the path that actually ends the cycle of avoidance, denial, and numbing - and you wil find a new freedom.
Perfectionism is a strategy for managing uncertainty, shame, and vulnerability through control.
Acceptance reduces resistance to reality, lowers chronic stress activation, and supports flexible problem solving. Allowing imperfection often produces better functioning and more emotional stability.
Acceptance reduces resistance to reality, lowers chronic stress activation, and supports flexible problem solving. Allowing imperfection often produces better functioning and more emotional stability.
January 18, 2026 at 12:44 PM
Perfectionism is a strategy for managing uncertainty, shame, and vulnerability through control.
Acceptance reduces resistance to reality, lowers chronic stress activation, and supports flexible problem solving. Allowing imperfection often produces better functioning and more emotional stability.
Acceptance reduces resistance to reality, lowers chronic stress activation, and supports flexible problem solving. Allowing imperfection often produces better functioning and more emotional stability.
Staying in the mess is a skill. It is distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and secure attachment with yourself. When you can remain with discomfort without fixing, proving, or performing, you are building a stable internal base.
January 18, 2026 at 12:42 PM
Staying in the mess is a skill. It is distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and secure attachment with yourself. When you can remain with discomfort without fixing, proving, or performing, you are building a stable internal base.
A strong person does not shame themselves for needing comfort. A strong person knows how to ask for it cleanly, and how to choose people who can offer it without strings.
January 16, 2026 at 11:46 AM
A strong person does not shame themselves for needing comfort. A strong person knows how to ask for it cleanly, and how to choose people who can offer it without strings.
Strength is the ability to say, I am hurting, without attacking. I need support, without demanding rescue. I am scared, without making you the enemy. That is what emotional strength looks like in real life.
January 16, 2026 at 11:42 AM
Strength is the ability to say, I am hurting, without attacking. I need support, without demanding rescue. I am scared, without making you the enemy. That is what emotional strength looks like in real life.
Rare is the person who can hold space for another, because it takes learning how to hold space for yourself first.
If you are the one who needs the space, hear this clearly; it is not your job to make it easier for others.
Big feelings are not a problem; needing someone to sit with you is human.
If you are the one who needs the space, hear this clearly; it is not your job to make it easier for others.
Big feelings are not a problem; needing someone to sit with you is human.
January 15, 2026 at 12:03 PM
Rare is the person who can hold space for another, because it takes learning how to hold space for yourself first.
If you are the one who needs the space, hear this clearly; it is not your job to make it easier for others.
Big feelings are not a problem; needing someone to sit with you is human.
If you are the one who needs the space, hear this clearly; it is not your job to make it easier for others.
Big feelings are not a problem; needing someone to sit with you is human.
Self-respect is a relationship with yourself that you stop outsourcing.
It is the belief, deep in the bones, that you are allowed to take up space and still be loved.
And even if someone cannot love you well, you will not abandon you.
It is the belief, deep in the bones, that you are allowed to take up space and still be loved.
And even if someone cannot love you well, you will not abandon you.
January 14, 2026 at 12:10 PM
Self-respect is a relationship with yourself that you stop outsourcing.
It is the belief, deep in the bones, that you are allowed to take up space and still be loved.
And even if someone cannot love you well, you will not abandon you.
It is the belief, deep in the bones, that you are allowed to take up space and still be loved.
And even if someone cannot love you well, you will not abandon you.
When you stop abandoning yourself, relationships become clearer. Some deepen, because they can tolerate your presence. Some fade, because they depended on your self erasure. Either way, you feel safer because you are no longer leaving yourself.
January 14, 2026 at 12:04 PM
When you stop abandoning yourself, relationships become clearer. Some deepen, because they can tolerate your presence. Some fade, because they depended on your self erasure. Either way, you feel safer because you are no longer leaving yourself.
Your thoughts are often strategies to manage fear. Your mind says wait; tomorrow will be better; save your energy.
These thoughts feel wise, but they are from a system that formed when exposure felt dangerous and being seen carried cost. These strategies may no longer fit the world you live in.
These thoughts feel wise, but they are from a system that formed when exposure felt dangerous and being seen carried cost. These strategies may no longer fit the world you live in.
January 11, 2026 at 12:24 PM
Your thoughts are often strategies to manage fear. Your mind says wait; tomorrow will be better; save your energy.
These thoughts feel wise, but they are from a system that formed when exposure felt dangerous and being seen carried cost. These strategies may no longer fit the world you live in.
These thoughts feel wise, but they are from a system that formed when exposure felt dangerous and being seen carried cost. These strategies may no longer fit the world you live in.
Chronic busyness is not ambition, it is a nervous system strategy.
When your feelings were too big for the people meant to hold them, your body learned to stay in motion.
Slowing down now can feel dangerous because your system remembers how painful it was to need without those needs being met.
When your feelings were too big for the people meant to hold them, your body learned to stay in motion.
Slowing down now can feel dangerous because your system remembers how painful it was to need without those needs being met.
January 10, 2026 at 12:38 PM
Chronic busyness is not ambition, it is a nervous system strategy.
When your feelings were too big for the people meant to hold them, your body learned to stay in motion.
Slowing down now can feel dangerous because your system remembers how painful it was to need without those needs being met.
When your feelings were too big for the people meant to hold them, your body learned to stay in motion.
Slowing down now can feel dangerous because your system remembers how painful it was to need without those needs being met.
Self-esteem is not something you convince yourself into. It is something you build through lived action. When you follow through on the thing you said you would do, especially when every part of you wants to quit, something wonderful happens inside. Your system registers, "I can rely on me."
January 10, 2026 at 12:27 PM
Self-esteem is not something you convince yourself into. It is something you build through lived action. When you follow through on the thing you said you would do, especially when every part of you wants to quit, something wonderful happens inside. Your system registers, "I can rely on me."
If you are constantly distracting yourself, it may not be because you lack discipline.
It may be because connection was once felt unsafe or inconsistent. You never learned healthy attunement, so your nervous system believes that distance was the safest form of regulation.
It may be because connection was once felt unsafe or inconsistent. You never learned healthy attunement, so your nervous system believes that distance was the safest form of regulation.
January 10, 2026 at 11:59 AM
If you are constantly distracting yourself, it may not be because you lack discipline.
It may be because connection was once felt unsafe or inconsistent. You never learned healthy attunement, so your nervous system believes that distance was the safest form of regulation.
It may be because connection was once felt unsafe or inconsistent. You never learned healthy attunement, so your nervous system believes that distance was the safest form of regulation.
In relationships, conflict is often treated like a problem to eliminate. Many times it is actually a sign that the relationship is trying to evolve.
When patterns are no longer working, tension rises. Not because something is broken, but because something real is asking to be tended to.
When patterns are no longer working, tension rises. Not because something is broken, but because something real is asking to be tended to.
January 9, 2026 at 12:09 PM
In relationships, conflict is often treated like a problem to eliminate. Many times it is actually a sign that the relationship is trying to evolve.
When patterns are no longer working, tension rises. Not because something is broken, but because something real is asking to be tended to.
When patterns are no longer working, tension rises. Not because something is broken, but because something real is asking to be tended to.
When you learned that your feelings created stress in others, your nervous system made a decision; it decided that safety meant not needing much.
This was an intelligent choice. over truth because relationship once meant survival. And now, you can begin to explore a new kind of internal safety.
This was an intelligent choice. over truth because relationship once meant survival. And now, you can begin to explore a new kind of internal safety.
January 9, 2026 at 12:02 PM
When you learned that your feelings created stress in others, your nervous system made a decision; it decided that safety meant not needing much.
This was an intelligent choice. over truth because relationship once meant survival. And now, you can begin to explore a new kind of internal safety.
This was an intelligent choice. over truth because relationship once meant survival. And now, you can begin to explore a new kind of internal safety.
When you feel that you need something right now, the urgency is coming from a wound. It is a memory in your nervous system that once had to fight for attention, comfort, or safety. That younger place does not trust that waiting is safe, so it craves immediacy.
January 4, 2026 at 12:12 PM
When you feel that you need something right now, the urgency is coming from a wound. It is a memory in your nervous system that once had to fight for attention, comfort, or safety. That younger place does not trust that waiting is safe, so it craves immediacy.