the cuck chair is too far away to sit in and try to show my wife memes on my phone
December 15, 2025 at 6:53 AM
the cuck chair is too far away to sit in and try to show my wife memes on my phone
the samus is stored in the morph balls
November 18, 2025 at 9:33 AM
the samus is stored in the morph balls
jesus has an alarm set on his phone to notify him every time i crank my shank and/or spank my wank
October 24, 2025 at 12:28 PM
jesus has an alarm set on his phone to notify him every time i crank my shank and/or spank my wank
for halloween i’m going as a guy pissing down his own leg it’s right now it’s halloween right now
October 24, 2025 at 12:25 PM
for halloween i’m going as a guy pissing down his own leg it’s right now it’s halloween right now
the good thing about my hair receding is at least it makes my dick look bigger lol my dick hangs from my scalp due to a family curse (irreversible)
October 20, 2025 at 1:43 AM
the good thing about my hair receding is at least it makes my dick look bigger lol my dick hangs from my scalp due to a family curse (irreversible)
i didn’t lose my virginity, per se, but i may have misplaced it
October 20, 2025 at 1:42 AM
i didn’t lose my virginity, per se, but i may have misplaced it
me: [fucking the shit out of Paddington 2]
husband: [walks in]
me: Paddington 1, you’re home early!
husband: [walks in]
me: Paddington 1, you’re home early!
August 15, 2025 at 10:26 PM
me: [fucking the shit out of Paddington 2]
husband: [walks in]
me: Paddington 1, you’re home early!
husband: [walks in]
me: Paddington 1, you’re home early!
tummy out of sorts this morning so i had to call in the professional
June 22, 2025 at 11:55 AM
tummy out of sorts this morning so i had to call in the professional
tried to go for a run but my knees buckled and bent backwards and went up my ass and spread my ass causing my ass to drop all my secrets (precious moments figurines)
June 21, 2025 at 10:59 PM
tried to go for a run but my knees buckled and bent backwards and went up my ass and spread my ass causing my ass to drop all my secrets (precious moments figurines)
doing It doggy style so i can use her back to rework my yugioh deck
June 21, 2025 at 10:56 PM
doing It doggy style so i can use her back to rework my yugioh deck
your girls fists you bc of the “sexual pleasure”
my girl fists me bc i got the remote control lodged up there again
my girl fists me bc i got the remote control lodged up there again
June 17, 2025 at 9:47 AM
your girls fists you bc of the “sexual pleasure”
my girl fists me bc i got the remote control lodged up there again
my girl fists me bc i got the remote control lodged up there again
mr. beast set me loose and told 1000 contestants they’d win big bucks if they catch The Stink Boy, but here’s the thing — no one wants to touch me 😎
June 17, 2025 at 9:45 AM
mr. beast set me loose and told 1000 contestants they’d win big bucks if they catch The Stink Boy, but here’s the thing — no one wants to touch me 😎
one time i played dark side of the moon in one earbud and trout mask replica in the other which made my my balls fused together into on giant super ball and now my wife won’t look me in the face
June 17, 2025 at 9:41 AM
one time i played dark side of the moon in one earbud and trout mask replica in the other which made my my balls fused together into on giant super ball and now my wife won’t look me in the face
my opponent turning their pawn into a queen and me accusing them of making chess woke
June 13, 2025 at 5:43 AM
my opponent turning their pawn into a queen and me accusing them of making chess woke
everyone in a zombie movie: oh no, it’s some kind of dead angry bitey person that we don’t have any kind of word for yet
June 13, 2025 at 5:42 AM
everyone in a zombie movie: oh no, it’s some kind of dead angry bitey person that we don’t have any kind of word for yet
shavin my teeth but the hair keeps growing back like tim allen’s beard in the santa clause
June 13, 2025 at 5:33 AM
shavin my teeth but the hair keeps growing back like tim allen’s beard in the santa clause
future archeologists findin my dick bones and thinkin they discovered a new kinda brontosaurus
June 13, 2025 at 5:32 AM
future archeologists findin my dick bones and thinkin they discovered a new kinda brontosaurus
choking to death in the corner of texas roadhouse while my waiter begins dancing to footloose for the third time
June 5, 2025 at 11:01 PM
choking to death in the corner of texas roadhouse while my waiter begins dancing to footloose for the third time
my bday is tomorrow, which means it’s time to push an egg out of my belly button like i do every year. can’t wait to see what happens when they all finally hatch!
May 2, 2025 at 2:55 AM
my bday is tomorrow, which means it’s time to push an egg out of my belly button like i do every year. can’t wait to see what happens when they all finally hatch!
slurplin on a sweaty cup of chilly chockle milt
April 29, 2025 at 1:53 AM
slurplin on a sweaty cup of chilly chockle milt
was so focused on my parents throwing dishes at each others heads i didn’t even notice the gorilla walk by
April 5, 2025 at 4:52 AM
was so focused on my parents throwing dishes at each others heads i didn’t even notice the gorilla walk by
absolutely cackling
April 1, 2025 at 2:57 AM
absolutely cackling
working overtime to get all the crows in my neighborhood addicted to screens so they stop stealing my medications
March 27, 2025 at 6:16 AM
working overtime to get all the crows in my neighborhood addicted to screens so they stop stealing my medications
fucken hate reading manga. all the stories are told in reverse. get off your tarantino bullshit and write a linear damn book.
March 12, 2025 at 12:57 PM
fucken hate reading manga. all the stories are told in reverse. get off your tarantino bullshit and write a linear damn book.