Just spent a solid ten minutes listening to my kid make fart noises with his armpit
November 18, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Just spent a solid ten minutes listening to my kid make fart noises with his armpit
“WHY did you DROP out of YALE?”
what’s your favorite line delivery
November 17, 2025 at 1:26 PM
“WHY did you DROP out of YALE?”
The kids’ school being Spanish Immersion is great until they need help with math homework and not only do I have to figure out how the hell to do the math the way they want it done, I also have to translate it first
November 16, 2025 at 9:56 PM
The kids’ school being Spanish Immersion is great until they need help with math homework and not only do I have to figure out how the hell to do the math the way they want it done, I also have to translate it first
Can you lock Apple Watch settings? Kid wears one to see his blood sugar numbers but I swear to god he moves his wrist the wrong way and suddenly the watch face is a different color, it’s speaking our loud, and the numerals are no longer Arabic ones. How does this stop?
November 16, 2025 at 3:38 AM
Can you lock Apple Watch settings? Kid wears one to see his blood sugar numbers but I swear to god he moves his wrist the wrong way and suddenly the watch face is a different color, it’s speaking our loud, and the numerals are no longer Arabic ones. How does this stop?
I continue to beg y’all to utilize your public library. I just took the boys to a circus class where they walked a tight rope, juggled, spun plates, etc. they had so much fun and it was FREE!! But we were the only ones there
November 15, 2025 at 7:45 PM
I continue to beg y’all to utilize your public library. I just took the boys to a circus class where they walked a tight rope, juggled, spun plates, etc. they had so much fun and it was FREE!! But we were the only ones there
Dosed the kid’s insulin for Cinnamon Toast Crunch and then he decided he wanted magic spoon instead. Guess we’ll see how this goes 😵💫
November 15, 2025 at 2:27 PM
Dosed the kid’s insulin for Cinnamon Toast Crunch and then he decided he wanted magic spoon instead. Guess we’ll see how this goes 😵💫
Happy birthday to Sir Frederick Banting! Forever grateful for his contributions to the discovery of insulin. Because of him our child gets to live a full, happy life. Happy World Diabetes Day!
November 14, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Happy birthday to Sir Frederick Banting! Forever grateful for his contributions to the discovery of insulin. Because of him our child gets to live a full, happy life. Happy World Diabetes Day!
I guess I should start figuring out thanksgiving dinner
November 14, 2025 at 3:07 AM
I guess I should start figuring out thanksgiving dinner
Tomorrow (Friday) is World Diabetes Day. Wear something blue if you’d like to show your support 💙
November 14, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Tomorrow (Friday) is World Diabetes Day. Wear something blue if you’d like to show your support 💙
Is it just me or are instagram stories being weird? Like flipping through really fast
November 13, 2025 at 1:58 AM
Is it just me or are instagram stories being weird? Like flipping through really fast
The boys were gifted little labubus yesterday. One of them was thrilled and has barely put it down, the other refused to have it in his bedroom last night because he thought it might come alive and kill him
November 13, 2025 at 12:43 AM
The boys were gifted little labubus yesterday. One of them was thrilled and has barely put it down, the other refused to have it in his bedroom last night because he thought it might come alive and kill him
What the fuck are we doing here
November 12, 2025 at 8:55 PM
What the fuck are we doing here
Bring these back
Philadelphia Snack Bars (2001-2005): Mini cheesecakes on a graham cracker crust, topped with a drizzle of icing. Available in Strawberry, Classic Original, White Chocolate Raspberry, and Chocolate Chip
November 12, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Bring these back
People are really testing my limits today
November 12, 2025 at 5:30 PM
People are really testing my limits today
Repost with an iconic fictional band
November 12, 2025 at 12:44 AM
Repost with an iconic fictional band
Was just cleaning up my little garden area outside and the smell transported me back in time to this:
November 11, 2025 at 8:52 PM
Was just cleaning up my little garden area outside and the smell transported me back in time to this:
Wasn’t her whole thing that she wasn’t actually going to law school first? What did she expect?
Kim Kardashian slams psychics who told her she'd pass the bar exam: 'All fucking full of shit'
Kim Kardashian slams psychics who told her she'd pass the bar exam: 'All f---ing full of s---'
'All f---ing full of s---': Kim Kardashian has some choice words for the psychics who predicted she'd pass the bar exam.
ew.com
November 11, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Wasn’t her whole thing that she wasn’t actually going to law school first? What did she expect?
I only recently started shopping Ulta and I’m annoyed I didn’t start earlier. The rewards program is great, they always offer tons of freebies, and in one spot I can grab the cheap eyebrow pencil I like along with the expensive face sunscreen I like
For the cover of Businessweek’s December issue, I wrote about the reigning queen of America’s strip malls: Ulta Beauty, the country’s biggest beauty retailer (yes, bigger than Sephora) and quietly one of the more fascinating retailers in the country. Gift link: www.bloomberg.com/news/feature...
How Beauty Behemoth Ulta Conquered the American Strip Mall
The retailer built an $11 billion business by acting more like Home Depot than like Sephora.
www.bloomberg.com
November 11, 2025 at 5:05 PM
I only recently started shopping Ulta and I’m annoyed I didn’t start earlier. The rewards program is great, they always offer tons of freebies, and in one spot I can grab the cheap eyebrow pencil I like along with the expensive face sunscreen I like
But why?
November 11, 2025 at 2:38 AM
But why?
Please tell us what the Constitution says, Mr. President
Trump on Ilhan Omar: "I look at somebody who comes from Somalia...and she comes in and tells us how to run our country. 'The Constitution says this, the Constitution says that.' The whole thing is crazy."
November 11, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Please tell us what the Constitution says, Mr. President
Remember a few weeks ago when my kid was sent home from school because his aide was out and they said they couldn’t guarantee his safety? She was out again today and another aide took care of him all day and even dealt with a birthday party and cupcakes in class no problem 🎉🎉🎉🎉
November 11, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Remember a few weeks ago when my kid was sent home from school because his aide was out and they said they couldn’t guarantee his safety? She was out again today and another aide took care of him all day and even dealt with a birthday party and cupcakes in class no problem 🎉🎉🎉🎉
I think one of my biggest pet peeves is when a package says “tear here to open” but when you tear it there it doesn’t fucking open
November 11, 2025 at 1:00 AM
I think one of my biggest pet peeves is when a package says “tear here to open” but when you tear it there it doesn’t fucking open
Wanna know what it’s like having boys for children? One of them just said goodbye to me this morning with, “hope you fart a lot at work today!”
November 10, 2025 at 3:35 PM
Wanna know what it’s like having boys for children? One of them just said goodbye to me this morning with, “hope you fart a lot at work today!”
Thought maybe I’d take the boys to the movies tomorrow since we have off but there’s not one kid-friendly thing playing right now
November 10, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Thought maybe I’d take the boys to the movies tomorrow since we have off but there’s not one kid-friendly thing playing right now
This fucking guy
Schumer: "However this vote turns out, this fight will and must continue. Democrats must fight."
November 10, 2025 at 1:44 AM
This fucking guy