Jessica V.
@jessdeevee.bsky.social
45, late bloomer. comedy. cats. writing.
We can't order $3 Starbucks! What kind of God would let this happen?!?!?!?! #CrowdstrikeOutage2024
July 19, 2024 at 5:49 PM
We can't order $3 Starbucks! What kind of God would let this happen?!?!?!?! #CrowdstrikeOutage2024
Last night after work, I was lying in bed, reading & thinking about what to eat, but then I feel asleep so didn't snack at all. SLEEPING is nature's OZEMPIC! 🎶 Oh Mr. Sandman, quiet that foodnoise 🎶
March 23, 2024 at 5:49 PM
Last night after work, I was lying in bed, reading & thinking about what to eat, but then I feel asleep so didn't snack at all. SLEEPING is nature's OZEMPIC! 🎶 Oh Mr. Sandman, quiet that foodnoise 🎶
People in my office love to report the faucet in the restroom turning on by itself like maintenance can fix it. I just look the ghost right in where its eyes would be, expressing displeasure, until the ghost turns the faucet back off.
March 6, 2024 at 6:42 PM
People in my office love to report the faucet in the restroom turning on by itself like maintenance can fix it. I just look the ghost right in where its eyes would be, expressing displeasure, until the ghost turns the faucet back off.
What makes me look like I have money? My expensive shoes? Quality coat? Fancy knockoff handbag? Nice (newly illegal) watch? My big I’ve lived in a house with a Viking range for a week energy? Or is it just my $30 airport sandwich?
December 22, 2023 at 9:54 PM
What makes me look like I have money? My expensive shoes? Quality coat? Fancy knockoff handbag? Nice (newly illegal) watch? My big I’ve lived in a house with a Viking range for a week energy? Or is it just my $30 airport sandwich?
My new Apple Watch is no longer allowed to be imported from China, so I guess I accidentally got it from DH Gate.
December 21, 2023 at 12:26 AM
My new Apple Watch is no longer allowed to be imported from China, so I guess I accidentally got it from DH Gate.
Is “cat nanny” a thing? Will someone out there pay me $50k a year to care for & hang out with their cats all day? I mean, less if they provide living quarters.
December 19, 2023 at 9:00 PM
Is “cat nanny” a thing? Will someone out there pay me $50k a year to care for & hang out with their cats all day? I mean, less if they provide living quarters.
Having a solo birthday lunch & eavesdropping on someone who definitely does not have their shit together listing their crazy-ass bills including $800/mo in weed that they “definitely are not smoking.” Happy indeed!
December 15, 2023 at 10:12 PM
Having a solo birthday lunch & eavesdropping on someone who definitely does not have their shit together listing their crazy-ass bills including $800/mo in weed that they “definitely are not smoking.” Happy indeed!
My iPhone Photos Year in Review made a collage of my cat slowly dying while I was on vacation through photos & videos from the cat sitter set to peppy music. What a FUN memory of 2023!
December 1, 2023 at 5:01 PM
My iPhone Photos Year in Review made a collage of my cat slowly dying while I was on vacation through photos & videos from the cat sitter set to peppy music. What a FUN memory of 2023!
When you finish your script and send it to your closest friends for their thoughts, and they don't respond immediately... Haha! You thought it wasn't terrible!
November 29, 2023 at 5:39 AM
When you finish your script and send it to your closest friends for their thoughts, and they don't respond immediately... Haha! You thought it wasn't terrible!
Those $200 tennis shoes you can't find anywhere, but look cute online? They're not cute in person. Just buy some New Balances on clearance with a coupon at DSW. You're welcome.
November 29, 2023 at 5:37 AM
Those $200 tennis shoes you can't find anywhere, but look cute online? They're not cute in person. Just buy some New Balances on clearance with a coupon at DSW. You're welcome.
It's so cute how I, a woman cresting her 40s, thought I was going to go on a silly little overnight & stay in a hostel. It all sounds well & good until you really look at what that means.
November 29, 2023 at 5:35 AM
It's so cute how I, a woman cresting her 40s, thought I was going to go on a silly little overnight & stay in a hostel. It all sounds well & good until you really look at what that means.
I absolutely hate when the book reveals at the end that it was written in the plot of the book. Gross! -3 stars!
November 17, 2023 at 12:47 AM
I absolutely hate when the book reveals at the end that it was written in the plot of the book. Gross! -3 stars!
First guy to hit on me in a while:
“AYE! AYE! (unintelligible) TITTIES!”
A cat would NEVER!
“AYE! AYE! (unintelligible) TITTIES!”
A cat would NEVER!
November 8, 2023 at 12:58 AM
First guy to hit on me in a while:
“AYE! AYE! (unintelligible) TITTIES!”
A cat would NEVER!
“AYE! AYE! (unintelligible) TITTIES!”
A cat would NEVER!
“Sticking out your gyatt for the Rizzler” has helped me do something that years of therapy could not: come to terms with my own mortality.
November 5, 2023 at 3:20 AM
“Sticking out your gyatt for the Rizzler” has helped me do something that years of therapy could not: come to terms with my own mortality.
Yesterday, I hit someone while driving to work, and today I got my period, so I guess PMS really does exist!
November 3, 2023 at 3:53 PM
Yesterday, I hit someone while driving to work, and today I got my period, so I guess PMS really does exist!
It’s a trip when you try to summon your 2 most beloved deceased cats from across the veil, but wake up to be possessed by some kind of mischief mini-demon.
November 1, 2023 at 7:17 PM
It’s a trip when you try to summon your 2 most beloved deceased cats from across the veil, but wake up to be possessed by some kind of mischief mini-demon.
“You’re mine. All mine!”
*Laughs Maniacally*
**Loads Dirty Clothes into the Single Washer in Apartment Building Laundry Room**
HAPPY HA-LAUNDER-EEN!
*Laughs Maniacally*
**Loads Dirty Clothes into the Single Washer in Apartment Building Laundry Room**
HAPPY HA-LAUNDER-EEN!
November 1, 2023 at 1:29 AM
“You’re mine. All mine!”
*Laughs Maniacally*
**Loads Dirty Clothes into the Single Washer in Apartment Building Laundry Room**
HAPPY HA-LAUNDER-EEN!
*Laughs Maniacally*
**Loads Dirty Clothes into the Single Washer in Apartment Building Laundry Room**
HAPPY HA-LAUNDER-EEN!