“Heidi, we no longer wanna hit that. Get off MILF Island!”
August 28, 2025 at 4:55 AM
“Heidi, we no longer wanna hit that. Get off MILF Island!”
Dyeing your hair gray is stolen valor
August 25, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Dyeing your hair gray is stolen valor
The melody for “follow the yellow brick road” but it’s “taking a shit on the clock”
June 17, 2025 at 7:44 PM
The melody for “follow the yellow brick road” but it’s “taking a shit on the clock”
Succession is SO GOOD. “Life’s not knights on horseback. It’s a number on a piece of paper. It’s a fight for a knife in the mud.”
May 27, 2025 at 6:17 AM
Succession is SO GOOD. “Life’s not knights on horseback. It’s a number on a piece of paper. It’s a fight for a knife in the mud.”
Was it over the line for my character to have a dream about finger banging those NPC‘s?
May 27, 2025 at 5:03 AM
Was it over the line for my character to have a dream about finger banging those NPC‘s?
“My hunch is that you’re going to get fucked. Because I’ve seen you get fucked a lot. And I’ve never seen Logan get fucked once.” I fucking love Tom.
May 26, 2025 at 9:56 PM
“My hunch is that you’re going to get fucked. Because I’ve seen you get fucked a lot. And I’ve never seen Logan get fucked once.” I fucking love Tom.
D&D party went to a brothel and it was my character’s turn to order: “I’ll take two male dwarves. I won’t be too detailed, but it’s gonna be like three bulldogs trying to drink from the same bowl of water on a hot day.”
May 25, 2025 at 1:28 AM
D&D party went to a brothel and it was my character’s turn to order: “I’ll take two male dwarves. I won’t be too detailed, but it’s gonna be like three bulldogs trying to drink from the same bowl of water on a hot day.”
Finishing a pack of coffee filters feels like finishing a life’s work
May 24, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Finishing a pack of coffee filters feels like finishing a life’s work
He’s a prophet
Sucking dick is like eating with a bib and good posture while sucking cock is like hunching over a plate of bbq ribs and eating them using your bare hands
May 23, 2025 at 3:56 AM
He’s a prophet
Bare feet at the In N Out is WILD
May 16, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Bare feet at the In N Out is WILD
I’m telling all my students the new Pope is Charlie XCX
May 8, 2025 at 7:51 PM
I’m telling all my students the new Pope is Charlie XCX
A student told me I should use party 4 u to teach The Great Gatsby and suddenly I feel so accomplished
May 8, 2025 at 4:11 PM
A student told me I should use party 4 u to teach The Great Gatsby and suddenly I feel so accomplished
Podcasts know to play ads when you’re picking up dog shit or working with raw chicken and you can’t touch your phone to skip
May 7, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Podcasts know to play ads when you’re picking up dog shit or working with raw chicken and you can’t touch your phone to skip
Ah, 37: the age when boofing Tums became a topic of discussion at my birthday gathering
May 3, 2025 at 11:17 PM
Ah, 37: the age when boofing Tums became a topic of discussion at my birthday gathering
If I go to the ATM at the LA Eagle behind one more guy with $10,000 - $80,000 just casually sitting in his checking account ONE more time, I’m going to lose my FUCKING marbles
May 3, 2025 at 5:45 AM
If I go to the ATM at the LA Eagle behind one more guy with $10,000 - $80,000 just casually sitting in his checking account ONE more time, I’m going to lose my FUCKING marbles
Quick question can I vanish into you?
May 1, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Quick question can I vanish into you?
Deviled eggs: betcha can’t eat just five
April 21, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Deviled eggs: betcha can’t eat just five
“Maybe the secret of life is that there are no big whoops, but only a series of small, agonizing whoops.”
February 17, 2025 at 6:16 AM
“Maybe the secret of life is that there are no big whoops, but only a series of small, agonizing whoops.”
Just checking: if somebody yelled “joto” at me from their car, was that nice or mean?
January 6, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Just checking: if somebody yelled “joto” at me from their car, was that nice or mean?
The masculine urge to tell someone, “I’ll have your guts for garters”
January 3, 2025 at 9:29 AM
The masculine urge to tell someone, “I’ll have your guts for garters”
The thing that nobody understands is that Willy Wonka makes EVERYthing he bakes satisfying and delicious
December 25, 2024 at 12:12 AM
The thing that nobody understands is that Willy Wonka makes EVERYthing he bakes satisfying and delicious
Every time a recipe tells me to use a “neutral oil” I take it as an anti-Italian comment
December 19, 2024 at 6:47 AM
Every time a recipe tells me to use a “neutral oil” I take it as an anti-Italian comment
Can I actually not hear the difference between “Giorgio Armani” and “George R. R. Martin,” or do I just not want to?
December 19, 2024 at 2:47 AM
Can I actually not hear the difference between “Giorgio Armani” and “George R. R. Martin,” or do I just not want to?
Still obsessed with the mother in Queen’s Gambit
December 15, 2024 at 4:40 AM
Still obsessed with the mother in Queen’s Gambit