Jakery
@jakery.bsky.social
Playing video games with far less fear than is appropriate
[kid lost argument with me]
7 YEAR OLD: Mommy?
ME: she’s busy. And she’s going to be on my side
7: she’s too sweet to be on your side.
7 YEAR OLD: Mommy?
ME: she’s busy. And she’s going to be on my side
7: she’s too sweet to be on your side.
November 17, 2024 at 8:49 PM
[kid lost argument with me]
7 YEAR OLD: Mommy?
ME: she’s busy. And she’s going to be on my side
7: she’s too sweet to be on your side.
7 YEAR OLD: Mommy?
ME: she’s busy. And she’s going to be on my side
7: she’s too sweet to be on your side.
It’s giving “Captain Von Trapp wouldn’t buy me fabrics”
September 19, 2024 at 10:18 PM
It’s giving “Captain Von Trapp wouldn’t buy me fabrics”
My wife has been trying to convince me that I’d be a good Cub Scout leader. She ended with “the only thing you wouldn’t be good at is showing them how to be a good person”
August 15, 2024 at 4:03 AM
My wife has been trying to convince me that I’d be a good Cub Scout leader. She ended with “the only thing you wouldn’t be good at is showing them how to be a good person”
Saddest story in 6 words
Suddenly, publicly, violently no longer constipated
Suddenly, publicly, violently no longer constipated
February 28, 2024 at 5:39 PM
Saddest story in 6 words
Suddenly, publicly, violently no longer constipated
Suddenly, publicly, violently no longer constipated
“Rivers Cuomo”
if you see this name and assume it’s a disgraced politician, congratulations, you’re me
if you see this name and assume it’s a disgraced politician, congratulations, you’re me
February 19, 2024 at 8:33 PM
“Rivers Cuomo”
if you see this name and assume it’s a disgraced politician, congratulations, you’re me
if you see this name and assume it’s a disgraced politician, congratulations, you’re me
How to get someone in a movie to throw a punch at you:
“I don’t want any trouble”
“I don’t want any trouble”
February 9, 2024 at 5:17 PM
How to get someone in a movie to throw a punch at you:
“I don’t want any trouble”
“I don’t want any trouble”
if you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what medical problems would you develop?
January 4, 2024 at 11:38 AM
if you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what medical problems would you develop?
January 3, 2024 at 12:25 AM
the best revenge is success OR sleeping with one of their family members
January 2, 2024 at 3:58 AM
the best revenge is success OR sleeping with one of their family members
I feel like the people who are smart enough to get away with bank robbery are also smart enough to just get a real job
December 15, 2023 at 5:31 PM
I feel like the people who are smart enough to get away with bank robbery are also smart enough to just get a real job
I never want to be in a position to say “i told you so”. I’d rather just be wrong and you not have regrets
December 9, 2023 at 3:30 PM
I never want to be in a position to say “i told you so”. I’d rather just be wrong and you not have regrets
There was one time when no matter what, I kept accidentally sharing a map of North American bear habitats.
Anyway here’s a picture of Taylor Swift getting ready for her next concert
Anyway here’s a picture of Taylor Swift getting ready for her next concert
November 20, 2023 at 8:37 PM
There was one time when no matter what, I kept accidentally sharing a map of North American bear habitats.
Anyway here’s a picture of Taylor Swift getting ready for her next concert
Anyway here’s a picture of Taylor Swift getting ready for her next concert
If I was a new volcanic island I’d be so depressed. No vegetation, no prospects for settlements, no nothing. I’d just sink back into the ocean and say “bye idiots”
November 15, 2023 at 3:29 PM
If I was a new volcanic island I’d be so depressed. No vegetation, no prospects for settlements, no nothing. I’d just sink back into the ocean and say “bye idiots”
I’m tired of hearing about Mount Everest. We should demolish the peak so it’s not the tallest anymore
November 12, 2023 at 6:04 PM
I’m tired of hearing about Mount Everest. We should demolish the peak so it’s not the tallest anymore
If I was guy fawkes I’d be so angry. My legacy is an annual celebration of my failure. A famous celebration
November 5, 2023 at 6:14 PM
If I was guy fawkes I’d be so angry. My legacy is an annual celebration of my failure. A famous celebration
they should just let the Leaning Tower of Pisa fall over so people will shut up about it
November 3, 2023 at 4:47 AM
they should just let the Leaning Tower of Pisa fall over so people will shut up about it
What if instead of “enhancement“ we sold male improvement pills 🫂
October 12, 2023 at 2:18 AM
What if instead of “enhancement“ we sold male improvement pills 🫂
Dear Texans: do you ever get desperate to show state pride and use the flag of Liberia? 🇱🇷
September 28, 2023 at 5:28 AM
Dear Texans: do you ever get desperate to show state pride and use the flag of Liberia? 🇱🇷
The North Face merits a competitor called The South Ass
September 19, 2023 at 2:53 PM
The North Face merits a competitor called The South Ass
we regret to inform everyone that Jake faked his own death today. The fake cause of death is unknown. We insincerely ask that his family be kept in your thoughts. Funeral services will be held nowhere. In lieu of flowers, please donate to jake’s Venmo so he can cash in on this ruse
September 18, 2023 at 6:18 PM
we regret to inform everyone that Jake faked his own death today. The fake cause of death is unknown. We insincerely ask that his family be kept in your thoughts. Funeral services will be held nowhere. In lieu of flowers, please donate to jake’s Venmo so he can cash in on this ruse
Reposted by Jakery
oh, are y'all striking too?
September 18, 2023 at 4:35 PM
oh, are y'all striking too?
instead of “okie dokie”, this Luigi says YOS
September 16, 2023 at 4:48 PM
instead of “okie dokie”, this Luigi says YOS
5: Im gonna under-arrest you for not taking care of your kids
ME: I do take care of my kids
5: no you didnt,your kids have been kidnapped
ME: arrest the dude that kidnapped em
5: I’ll under-arrest both of you
[im lying face down on the couch,hes smacking me w/ a foam stick every time he talks]
ME: I do take care of my kids
5: no you didnt,your kids have been kidnapped
ME: arrest the dude that kidnapped em
5: I’ll under-arrest both of you
[im lying face down on the couch,hes smacking me w/ a foam stick every time he talks]
September 16, 2023 at 4:44 PM
5: Im gonna under-arrest you for not taking care of your kids
ME: I do take care of my kids
5: no you didnt,your kids have been kidnapped
ME: arrest the dude that kidnapped em
5: I’ll under-arrest both of you
[im lying face down on the couch,hes smacking me w/ a foam stick every time he talks]
ME: I do take care of my kids
5: no you didnt,your kids have been kidnapped
ME: arrest the dude that kidnapped em
5: I’ll under-arrest both of you
[im lying face down on the couch,hes smacking me w/ a foam stick every time he talks]
A tshirt gun but it violently dresses the target
September 14, 2023 at 4:17 PM
A tshirt gun but it violently dresses the target