Bill Clinton: *plays the sax*

Donald Trump: *plays his sac*

#billclinton #trump #bubba #djt #deepjuicythroat #epsteinfiles

Yes, hi. Is this where I go to start a rumor that Stephen Miller wears a merkin?

#psst #stephenmiller #passiton

“Hearts and kidneys are tinker toys!” - RFK Jr.

#rfkjr #tylenol #maga #semisentientbaseballglove #rfkjrsbrainworm

#nokings #fucktrump

Foxtrot Delta Taco

Starting either a cinematic bar fight or a dope musical number just to feel something:

Noo ooone’s sick as ur mom
Rides a dick like ur mom
No one’s thighs are incredibly thick as ur moms
She’s especially good at the deep fellating
No one’s as hot as ur mom

#gaston #barfight #yourmom #jazzhands

Is nobody going to bring up the fact that we’ve just seen RFK Jr. take his brain worm for a frolick in a Yeerk pool? #IYKYK #RFK #RFKJR #animorphs

How are trumpers able to worship America, plastering its’ imagery and quotes of the constitution on pickup trucks and skin, while giddily supporting policy that clashes against the very core of said doctrine?

Easy, they’ve had years of practice doing the exact same thing with Christianity. #maga

So what did Elon Musk leave in you guys’ MAGA hats last night for April Fools Day?

#Elon #ElonMusk #AprilFools #MAGA #AllHolidaysMatter

#5accomplishments #accomplishments #5things #elonmusk #doge #productivity

Can somebody lead Trump to believe that twice yearly time changes are a woke liberal conspiracy? Like, maybe we can collectively manipulate a Trump Tantrum to eke out the slightest lil skidmark of a silver lining? 🙏 #daylightsavings #timechange #silverlinings

Sure, I don’t work for the government. I just like to feel included! 🥰🙃

#5things #5accomplishments #ElonMusk #Doge #accomplishments

What do you guys think Trump and Musk got each other for Presidents’ Day? #trump #elon #presidentsday

-New doctor: I see on your paperwork under “gender” you wrote in “sex”. Nuance aside, we do need an answer for our records..so..
—Me: No, you misunderstand. My gender *is* sex.
-Doctor: …
—Me: *finger guns*
-Doctor:

“The Gulf of Mexico” is the only deadnaming I can get behind.

Dental work is a luxury to the average American.

Meanwhile, Elon Musk has enough money to buy himself an open-ended pass to toss out a sieg heil behind the presidential seal.

Neat.