today at work we did show and tell and my coworker revealed that she’s clairvoyant and talks to dead people and predicts the future and then I had to go next and was like “here’s a painting of Rihanna that I never finished. sorry”

I just called my dog snoozin sarandon and he told me to shut the absolute fuck up

[gesturing at a clown posse] hey so this is insane

is Jeff Goldblum really like that or did we as a society accidentally train him to talk like a cartoon owl