pretzel
@hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social
#1 kahoot champion turned unemployed mess
Pinned
pretzel
@hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social
· May 8
Don't kill yourself,.. Your pussy is Glorious.
yesterday I finally learned that even if I DID want to get into fnaf I could not play because flashing lights make me ill
November 17, 2025 at 7:00 AM
yesterday I finally learned that even if I DID want to get into fnaf I could not play because flashing lights make me ill
love how my love life always circles back to being whatever the fuck this is
November 15, 2025 at 2:05 PM
love how my love life always circles back to being whatever the fuck this is
love that I cursed myself to forever be referred to as a woman by default even though I see myself way more as a man
November 12, 2025 at 6:32 AM
love that I cursed myself to forever be referred to as a woman by default even though I see myself way more as a man
just remembered that time in 2011 I almost lost my right leg
November 10, 2025 at 2:03 PM
just remembered that time in 2011 I almost lost my right leg
lost the swear word spelling bee when I spelled BICTH
November 6, 2025 at 1:27 AM
lost the swear word spelling bee when I spelled BICTH
rediscovered an old video of me being held up by someone and they accidentally squeezed my balls so I doubled over in pain
November 1, 2025 at 10:55 PM
rediscovered an old video of me being held up by someone and they accidentally squeezed my balls so I doubled over in pain
my dream is to someday form a band with zero electronic sounds. just pure acoustic instruments and raw unedited voice fuckery
October 31, 2025 at 7:32 AM
my dream is to someday form a band with zero electronic sounds. just pure acoustic instruments and raw unedited voice fuckery
very insecure about my voice but damn I get flustered when someone compliments me when I sing in a low octave
October 29, 2025 at 6:55 AM
very insecure about my voice but damn I get flustered when someone compliments me when I sing in a low octave
call of mustard meme is going viral
October 29, 2025 at 3:11 AM
call of mustard meme is going viral
I am not "Hip" and "Cool" anymore. I am "Unc". I can use the smiling cat emojis as I please. 😸
October 27, 2025 at 8:03 PM
I am not "Hip" and "Cool" anymore. I am "Unc". I can use the smiling cat emojis as I please. 😸
I predict that two years into the future I am going to be just a regular alcoholic
October 27, 2025 at 9:35 AM
I predict that two years into the future I am going to be just a regular alcoholic
motherfucker you ARE a surge protector from october 2005
"I am all about safety when it comes to electricity", I say, even though I use surge protectors from october 2005
October 27, 2025 at 9:31 AM
motherfucker you ARE a surge protector from october 2005
eleven.
I am not verifying my age just to look at porn lol I've had my identity stolen probably ten times since I was 16
October 27, 2025 at 9:30 AM
eleven.
I wanna learn porch of geese
October 27, 2025 at 9:29 AM
I wanna learn porch of geese
I love how quickly after an iphone turns two years old the battery gets noticeably worse. my 15 plus was doing great until about a week ago and I never updated it past ios 17 so I can't even blame updates
October 27, 2025 at 1:22 AM
I love how quickly after an iphone turns two years old the battery gets noticeably worse. my 15 plus was doing great until about a week ago and I never updated it past ios 17 so I can't even blame updates
oh the things you find out about yourself!
October 21, 2025 at 2:47 AM
oh the things you find out about yourself!
DUDE!! THAT'S MY BUTT!!!
October 19, 2025 at 7:06 PM
DUDE!! THAT'S MY BUTT!!!
calmly listening to the gunshots right next to my window on this fine evening
October 18, 2025 at 10:49 PM
calmly listening to the gunshots right next to my window on this fine evening
ugh I am so single and unemployed rn
October 17, 2025 at 10:31 PM
ugh I am so single and unemployed rn
it's getting cold out which means it's time to curl up in my bed and shamelessly consume visual novels
October 16, 2025 at 12:20 AM
it's getting cold out which means it's time to curl up in my bed and shamelessly consume visual novels
thinking about cutting my hair
October 15, 2025 at 1:18 PM
thinking about cutting my hair
fucking love looking at houses I'll never get a chance to buy
October 10, 2025 at 12:17 PM
fucking love looking at houses I'll never get a chance to buy
oh so you're quirky huh? circumcised? tylenol?
October 10, 2025 at 4:54 AM
oh so you're quirky huh? circumcised? tylenol?
at this point, I feel like I should just do reckless shit like move to alpha queensland because I'm an alpha male and gonna be in debt anyway
October 9, 2025 at 1:37 PM
at this point, I feel like I should just do reckless shit like move to alpha queensland because I'm an alpha male and gonna be in debt anyway