it’s cute when a corgi takes a dump in the neighborhood park, but when i do it i get the cops called on me

it’s kind of sad that there’s no single player rock paper scissors option

friend zone: an app where you hire a “friend” to spend time with you when you are getting treated for illness at home (nurse not included)

overalls are fun to wear until you have to take a big ‘ol dookie

sorry, I’m gonna have to cancel all my plans for the rest of the week. I just got word that spy kids: the Island of lost dreams is now streaming for free on the Roku channel and I want to make use of it being free.
I don’t know when I will be back.
Don’t call me.

it’s probably a good thing that fire hurts

a drone shot of me waking up in the morning