Nine years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams on a date.
Today I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
Today I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
December 23, 2023 at 1:31 AM
Nine years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams on a date.
Today I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
Today I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
If everything happens for a reason, then shouldn't guys have learned from Adam and Eve to never trust girls..
Ever.
Ever.
December 21, 2023 at 3:27 AM
If everything happens for a reason, then shouldn't guys have learned from Adam and Eve to never trust girls..
Ever.
Ever.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the knife wrong.
December 21, 2023 at 2:03 AM
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the knife wrong.
My wife: "Do I look fat in these jeans?"
Me: "Promise not to be mad whatever I say?"
Wife: "Yes of course!"
Me: "I banged your sister".
Me: "Promise not to be mad whatever I say?"
Wife: "Yes of course!"
Me: "I banged your sister".
December 20, 2023 at 12:30 PM
My wife: "Do I look fat in these jeans?"
Me: "Promise not to be mad whatever I say?"
Wife: "Yes of course!"
Me: "I banged your sister".
Me: "Promise not to be mad whatever I say?"
Wife: "Yes of course!"
Me: "I banged your sister".
I just found out my wife has a Tinder profile and I’m furious.
She is absolutely not “adventurous”, and “fun to be around”!
She is absolutely not “adventurous”, and “fun to be around”!
December 18, 2023 at 11:58 PM
I just found out my wife has a Tinder profile and I’m furious.
She is absolutely not “adventurous”, and “fun to be around”!
She is absolutely not “adventurous”, and “fun to be around”!
My children will never know the pain of not being able to see a movie because they are all rented out.
December 18, 2023 at 3:30 AM
My children will never know the pain of not being able to see a movie because they are all rented out.
There are so many scams on the Internet now...
Send me $9.99 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
Send me $9.99 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
December 14, 2023 at 4:36 AM
There are so many scams on the Internet now...
Send me $9.99 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
Send me $9.99 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
Interview Question
Interviewer: What's your worst personal quality?
Me: Honesty.
Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a bad quality.
Me: I don't give a fuck what you think.
Interviewer: What's your worst personal quality?
Me: Honesty.
Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a bad quality.
Me: I don't give a fuck what you think.
December 13, 2023 at 3:04 AM
Interview Question
Interviewer: What's your worst personal quality?
Me: Honesty.
Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a bad quality.
Me: I don't give a fuck what you think.
Interviewer: What's your worst personal quality?
Me: Honesty.
Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a bad quality.
Me: I don't give a fuck what you think.
My Fiancé said she wanted to be a Trophy Wife.
Now that we’re married all she does is lie around so much she can barely walk. And that’s how I learned my wife doesn’t know how to pronounce “atrophy.”
Now that we’re married all she does is lie around so much she can barely walk. And that’s how I learned my wife doesn’t know how to pronounce “atrophy.”
December 10, 2023 at 4:33 PM
My Fiancé said she wanted to be a Trophy Wife.
Now that we’re married all she does is lie around so much she can barely walk. And that’s how I learned my wife doesn’t know how to pronounce “atrophy.”
Now that we’re married all she does is lie around so much she can barely walk. And that’s how I learned my wife doesn’t know how to pronounce “atrophy.”
According to our HR, an office pissing match shouldn’t involve actually peeing on my colleagues.
They’re just angry they lost.
They’re just angry they lost.
December 10, 2023 at 3:09 AM
According to our HR, an office pissing match shouldn’t involve actually peeing on my colleagues.
They’re just angry they lost.
They’re just angry they lost.
My wife asked me what "mansplaining" means
...now what am I supposed to do?
...now what am I supposed to do?
December 9, 2023 at 11:51 PM
My wife asked me what "mansplaining" means
...now what am I supposed to do?
...now what am I supposed to do?
Told my friend to use multiple dating apps to find a partner because…
… she doesn’t believe in love at first site
… she doesn’t believe in love at first site
December 9, 2023 at 2:15 AM
Told my friend to use multiple dating apps to find a partner because…
… she doesn’t believe in love at first site
… she doesn’t believe in love at first site
My wife is such a slob...
Every time I go to the sink to take a piss, it's full of dishes.
Every time I go to the sink to take a piss, it's full of dishes.
December 8, 2023 at 1:12 AM
My wife is such a slob...
Every time I go to the sink to take a piss, it's full of dishes.
Every time I go to the sink to take a piss, it's full of dishes.
Just cause she has a tight hole, it doesn't mean she is right for your soul.
December 1, 2023 at 3:10 AM
Just cause she has a tight hole, it doesn't mean she is right for your soul.
It’s not possible to have plenty of sex with your man so that he won’t look at porn.
He’ll be very happy to let you try, though.
He’ll be very happy to let you try, though.
November 28, 2023 at 4:31 PM
It’s not possible to have plenty of sex with your man so that he won’t look at porn.
He’ll be very happy to let you try, though.
He’ll be very happy to let you try, though.
Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that…..
“This conversation will be recorded for training and quality purposes.”
“This conversation will be recorded for training and quality purposes.”
November 20, 2023 at 2:58 AM
Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that…..
“This conversation will be recorded for training and quality purposes.”
“This conversation will be recorded for training and quality purposes.”
The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees.
She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
November 19, 2023 at 1:59 AM
The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees.
She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
Everyone thinks I have a nice butt.
When I walk by, I always hear people whisper under their breath, "What an ass!"
Same thing... right?
When I walk by, I always hear people whisper under their breath, "What an ass!"
Same thing... right?
November 16, 2023 at 1:19 AM
Everyone thinks I have a nice butt.
When I walk by, I always hear people whisper under their breath, "What an ass!"
Same thing... right?
When I walk by, I always hear people whisper under their breath, "What an ass!"
Same thing... right?
I stopped singing in the shower.
The last time I did, my neighbors called the cops because they thought I was orally abusing a cat.
The last time I did, my neighbors called the cops because they thought I was orally abusing a cat.
November 15, 2023 at 1:39 AM
I stopped singing in the shower.
The last time I did, my neighbors called the cops because they thought I was orally abusing a cat.
The last time I did, my neighbors called the cops because they thought I was orally abusing a cat.
My pastime is convincing neighbors' kids to say, “Last night I played with the little boy who died in our house.”
Till now I’ve made 2 families move.
Till now I’ve made 2 families move.
November 7, 2023 at 1:33 AM
My pastime is convincing neighbors' kids to say, “Last night I played with the little boy who died in our house.”
Till now I’ve made 2 families move.
Till now I’ve made 2 families move.
I never being thoughtless.
I think about all of my choices very carefully before I decided to piss you off.
I think about all of my choices very carefully before I decided to piss you off.
November 6, 2023 at 1:32 AM
I never being thoughtless.
I think about all of my choices very carefully before I decided to piss you off.
I think about all of my choices very carefully before I decided to piss you off.
My wife told me to get rid of the rats in our house, but then she got angry when I bought a python.
I’ll never understand women.
I’ll never understand women.
November 5, 2023 at 6:54 PM
My wife told me to get rid of the rats in our house, but then she got angry when I bought a python.
I’ll never understand women.
I’ll never understand women.
Wife: Have you been working out?
Me :*tighten* No, honey why?
Wife: Just wanted to make sure you didn’t waste any money on a gym membership to look that bad
Me :*tighten* No, honey why?
Wife: Just wanted to make sure you didn’t waste any money on a gym membership to look that bad
November 5, 2023 at 1:43 AM
Wife: Have you been working out?
Me :*tighten* No, honey why?
Wife: Just wanted to make sure you didn’t waste any money on a gym membership to look that bad
Me :*tighten* No, honey why?
Wife: Just wanted to make sure you didn’t waste any money on a gym membership to look that bad
I pronounce you husband and wife.
You can now argue with each other until one of you dies.
You can now argue with each other until one of you dies.
November 4, 2023 at 4:33 PM
I pronounce you husband and wife.
You can now argue with each other until one of you dies.
You can now argue with each other until one of you dies.
I once dated a female postal worker.
The only advantage was calling her pussy “the mailbox.”
The only advantage was calling her pussy “the mailbox.”
November 4, 2023 at 12:39 PM
I once dated a female postal worker.
The only advantage was calling her pussy “the mailbox.”
The only advantage was calling her pussy “the mailbox.”