Richard III looking at paintings of himself in that stupid hat and thinks to himself fucks sake, you try something different ONE TIME and that's all they ever paint you with

standing in the supermarket pretending to read the rice until the person moves away from the section of shelf I want

*tipping my lumberjack hat*
M'hogany

imagine being a modern day milkman. like you're on a date and they say so what do you do? and you're like i'm a milkman and they're like fuck off no you're not liar

Finally, a useful ratio for the brusinessman on the goo

why settle for calling it a "cheese fart" when you could call it "dairy air from the derrière"

did I show you my dog yet? here's my dog

i make post