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furlonglegs.bsky.social
@furlonglegs.bsky.social
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furlonglegs.bsky.social
A man has been apprehended after stealing $113,000 in rare Pokémon cards. All the cards have been returned to the comic book store, so the owner can continue to rob people by selling them these cards.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #pokemon #comics #comicbooks #nerdculture #wierdcrime #crime
July 25, 2025 at 2:36 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
An Oklahoma a man was arrested for B&E while naked then floating in a pond for 1hr. He was described as "acting like a hippo." It is a result of a powerful new drug called white marbles. It is reported to fun for the whole family.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #crime #police #dumbcrime #wierdcrime #hippo
July 25, 2025 at 2:35 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
An Oklahoma a man was arrested for breaking into a house naked then floating in a pond for an hour.He was described as acting like a hippo. ICops think it was a result of ingestion of large quantities of marble methamphetamines.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #crime #police #dumbcrime #wierdcrime #hippo
July 25, 2025 at 2:35 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
An Oklahoma a man was arrested for breaking into a house naked then floating in a pond for an hour.
At 6’2 and 400lbs he was described as acting like a hippo, a hungry hungry hippo… for meth.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #crime #police #dumbcrime #wierdcrime #hippo
July 25, 2025 at 2:32 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
Nashville District of schools Michel Aiden says “If a child goes to school sick and the nurse sends that child home they will be marked tardy.” The new policy is based on the educational principle of “being an asshole”
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:26 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
Nashville District of schools Michel Aiden says “If a child goes to school sick and the nurse sends that child home they will be marked tardy.” The new policy is being described as re-tardy.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:25 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
Nashville District of schools Michel Aiden says “If a child goes to school sick and the nurse sends that child home they will be marked tardy.” Which only makes sense if you don’t understand what the word “tardy" means.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:25 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting dr notes. District of schools Michel Adien says “We have all gone to work hurt and beatup.” With a personality like that, I have a feeling Mr. Aiden goes to work beat up a lot.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:22 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. This is the first policy in a new series entitled “Get Everyone to Homeschool Their Kids.”
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:20 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. It’s important to teach kids to go to school sick, so one day when they grow up they can get everyone in their office sick.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:20 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. It solves the problem the district was having: not enough suffering.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:20 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. The teachable moment is that spreading illness is an inside job.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:20 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. Spring break is now renamed ‘Spring…Outbreak of Whooping Cough.’
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:20 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism.
It’s important to teach the lesson to the kids “people in positions of authority can be real douche canoes”
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:19 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. It’s important to teach the lesson to the kids “people in positions of authority can be idiots”
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:19 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. Alongside knowledge, Children will be receiving life’s most important gifts: vomit and diarrhea.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:18 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. But they will accept a note from the parents saying “we are out of toilet paper.”
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:18 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism.
This is the core lesson from the children’s classic ‘Green Eggs and Diarrhea’
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:18 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. Now the children just need to bring the actual doctor.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:18 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. The lesson being taught here “Lack of empathy”
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:17 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. Because that is what helps children learn, is dangerously high fevers.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:17 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. This policy is designed to stop all the fraudulent notes for “tummy aches” written by doctor pepper.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:16 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism.
But they still will accept notes from non-doctors that do their own research.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:16 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. Finally, the solution to America’s educational crisis: transmission of infectious diseases.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:16 AM
furlonglegs.bsky.social
A Nashville school district will no longer be accepting doctors’ notes for children’s absenteeism. The policy makes perfect sense, as long as it isn’t coming from someone who’s job isn’t in charge of workplace health and wellbeing.
#newsjokes #news #jokes #school #policy #sickdays
July 25, 2025 at 2:16 AM