Dan Fritschie
@fritschiecomic.bsky.social
Comedian, writer, narrowly regarded as a condescending asshole.
Reposted by Dan Fritschie
james cameron every couple of years for some reason:
December 2, 2025 at 7:05 AM
james cameron every couple of years for some reason:
Well, duh... you're bound to convert a few. I mean, imagine how shitty of a filmmaker you'd have to be to make a Jesus movie and create MORE atheists.
December 2, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Well, duh... you're bound to convert a few. I mean, imagine how shitty of a filmmaker you'd have to be to make a Jesus movie and create MORE atheists.
I think we need to start reacting to the McRib like a deadbeat cousin with a drug problem. "Dammit, the McRib is back. Son of a bitch owes me $200."
December 1, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I think we need to start reacting to the McRib like a deadbeat cousin with a drug problem. "Dammit, the McRib is back. Son of a bitch owes me $200."
Damn, girl! Lemme see dem...
November 29, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Damn, girl! Lemme see dem...
Man, you gotta have balls as big as church bells to put that slogan on a sign this close to the end of the Trail of Tears.
November 27, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Man, you gotta have balls as big as church bells to put that slogan on a sign this close to the end of the Trail of Tears.
This Thanksgiving, don't trust AI generated recipes. Those are the machines' first wave of attack.
November 26, 2025 at 5:30 PM
This Thanksgiving, don't trust AI generated recipes. Those are the machines' first wave of attack.
Motherfuckers, you can't do an Is It Cake? of a giant fake gingerbread man! What kind of Ship of Theseus bullshit is this supposed to be?
November 25, 2025 at 5:49 PM
Motherfuckers, you can't do an Is It Cake? of a giant fake gingerbread man! What kind of Ship of Theseus bullshit is this supposed to be?
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
dir. Darren Aronofsky
dir. Darren Aronofsky
November 25, 2025 at 1:10 AM
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
dir. Darren Aronofsky
dir. Darren Aronofsky
It's wild to think of how many one-star reviews of parachutes never got entered into the system because... (whistle) Blammo!
November 24, 2025 at 3:12 PM
It's wild to think of how many one-star reviews of parachutes never got entered into the system because... (whistle) Blammo!
I'm going to rank the names of meats based solely on its versatility in a joke:
1. Ham
2. Turkey
3. Chicken
4. Mutton
5. Beefalo
6. Pork
7. Bacon
8. Beef
9. Ostrich
10. Lamb/Goat (tie)
1. Ham
2. Turkey
3. Chicken
4. Mutton
5. Beefalo
6. Pork
7. Bacon
8. Beef
9. Ostrich
10. Lamb/Goat (tie)
November 23, 2025 at 4:28 PM
I'm going to rank the names of meats based solely on its versatility in a joke:
1. Ham
2. Turkey
3. Chicken
4. Mutton
5. Beefalo
6. Pork
7. Bacon
8. Beef
9. Ostrich
10. Lamb/Goat (tie)
1. Ham
2. Turkey
3. Chicken
4. Mutton
5. Beefalo
6. Pork
7. Bacon
8. Beef
9. Ostrich
10. Lamb/Goat (tie)
Whenever someone tells you "It's my way or the highway", remember that the highway is the only option guaranteed to actually lead you somewhere.
November 19, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Whenever someone tells you "It's my way or the highway", remember that the highway is the only option guaranteed to actually lead you somewhere.
Mr. Speaker, a two-part question: What the fuck is wrong with you, and who the hell do you think you're fooling?
November 18, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Mr. Speaker, a two-part question: What the fuck is wrong with you, and who the hell do you think you're fooling?
Holy shit... 427 to 1.
Let history show that whatever Rep. Clay Higgins was outnumbered by margin 87 times worse than the famous Dentists v. Trident Gum debate back in the 70s.
Let history show that whatever Rep. Clay Higgins was outnumbered by margin 87 times worse than the famous Dentists v. Trident Gum debate back in the 70s.
November 18, 2025 at 10:08 PM
Holy shit... 427 to 1.
Let history show that whatever Rep. Clay Higgins was outnumbered by margin 87 times worse than the famous Dentists v. Trident Gum debate back in the 70s.
Let history show that whatever Rep. Clay Higgins was outnumbered by margin 87 times worse than the famous Dentists v. Trident Gum debate back in the 70s.
If you adjust for inflation from when the phrase "a dime a dozen" first appeared, it'd be $2.45 a dozen today... And other weird shit that pops into my head that I have to look up before people near me have me committed.
November 18, 2025 at 9:57 PM
If you adjust for inflation from when the phrase "a dime a dozen" first appeared, it'd be $2.45 a dozen today... And other weird shit that pops into my head that I have to look up before people near me have me committed.
Dutch Bros Commercial: "If you grew up on Dutch Bros like I did..."
Me, to absolutely no one: "Man, the person that describes would get WAY younger the further you spiral out from the Pacific Northwest. Like, are you trying to relate to 28 year olds in Oregon or 4 year olds in Oklahoma?"
Me, to absolutely no one: "Man, the person that describes would get WAY younger the further you spiral out from the Pacific Northwest. Like, are you trying to relate to 28 year olds in Oregon or 4 year olds in Oklahoma?"
November 18, 2025 at 4:43 AM
Dutch Bros Commercial: "If you grew up on Dutch Bros like I did..."
Me, to absolutely no one: "Man, the person that describes would get WAY younger the further you spiral out from the Pacific Northwest. Like, are you trying to relate to 28 year olds in Oregon or 4 year olds in Oklahoma?"
Me, to absolutely no one: "Man, the person that describes would get WAY younger the further you spiral out from the Pacific Northwest. Like, are you trying to relate to 28 year olds in Oregon or 4 year olds in Oklahoma?"
Please, don't mistake my kindness for weakness... But I am flattered that you'd think my weaknesses would be that subtle.
November 17, 2025 at 4:12 AM
Please, don't mistake my kindness for weakness... But I am flattered that you'd think my weaknesses would be that subtle.
I'm here once again to ask you to stop giving money, power, and influence to people who couldn't get laid without money, power, or influence.
November 15, 2025 at 7:06 PM
I'm here once again to ask you to stop giving money, power, and influence to people who couldn't get laid without money, power, or influence.
Dude went to court dressed as a police sketch of the word GUILTY.
November 15, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Dude went to court dressed as a police sketch of the word GUILTY.
Stoner with a stutter.
November 13, 2025 at 3:49 PM
Stoner with a stutter.
"I want people to know I have poor taste in art, a high pain threshold, and that I don't mind looking really weird in shorts."
-Everyone with a shin tattoo
-Everyone with a shin tattoo
November 13, 2025 at 2:41 PM
"I want people to know I have poor taste in art, a high pain threshold, and that I don't mind looking really weird in shorts."
-Everyone with a shin tattoo
-Everyone with a shin tattoo
Feeling calm, got a nice vibe going on, all is right with the world...
My brain: THE CLOCK TOWER IN BACK TO THE FUTURE DIDN'T HAVE A SECOND HAND, SO DOC BROWN'S CALCULATIONS HAD A 60 SECOND MARGIN OF ERROR.
Fuck.
My brain: THE CLOCK TOWER IN BACK TO THE FUTURE DIDN'T HAVE A SECOND HAND, SO DOC BROWN'S CALCULATIONS HAD A 60 SECOND MARGIN OF ERROR.
Fuck.
November 12, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Feeling calm, got a nice vibe going on, all is right with the world...
My brain: THE CLOCK TOWER IN BACK TO THE FUTURE DIDN'T HAVE A SECOND HAND, SO DOC BROWN'S CALCULATIONS HAD A 60 SECOND MARGIN OF ERROR.
Fuck.
My brain: THE CLOCK TOWER IN BACK TO THE FUTURE DIDN'T HAVE A SECOND HAND, SO DOC BROWN'S CALCULATIONS HAD A 60 SECOND MARGIN OF ERROR.
Fuck.
So, according to the articles being fed to me by the algorithm, The Running Man remake is a flawed masterpiece piece of shit genius flop that is #1 at the box office despite not coming out until Friday.
November 12, 2025 at 5:03 PM
So, according to the articles being fed to me by the algorithm, The Running Man remake is a flawed masterpiece piece of shit genius flop that is #1 at the box office despite not coming out until Friday.
Gas pumps: I see you're using your credit card, please protect your PIN number.
Also gas pumps: Each key press will set off a beep that will alert everyone in a quarter mile radius that you're entering your PIN number.
Also gas pumps: Each key press will set off a beep that will alert everyone in a quarter mile radius that you're entering your PIN number.
November 12, 2025 at 12:35 PM
Gas pumps: I see you're using your credit card, please protect your PIN number.
Also gas pumps: Each key press will set off a beep that will alert everyone in a quarter mile radius that you're entering your PIN number.
Also gas pumps: Each key press will set off a beep that will alert everyone in a quarter mile radius that you're entering your PIN number.