Faucets Delta Co
@francoisdeltaco.bsky.social
I'm only sometimes faucets now
Q&A after a lovely time hanging out with a dear friend:
Q: did I act weird?
A: absolutely, without a doubt
Q: are they gonna tell everyone I'm weird?
A: probably already have
Q: do they hate me now?
A: they say they don't. Inconclusive
Q: same time next week?
A: if you're lucky, you little freak
Q: did I act weird?
A: absolutely, without a doubt
Q: are they gonna tell everyone I'm weird?
A: probably already have
Q: do they hate me now?
A: they say they don't. Inconclusive
Q: same time next week?
A: if you're lucky, you little freak
February 8, 2026 at 2:59 PM
Q&A after a lovely time hanging out with a dear friend:
Q: did I act weird?
A: absolutely, without a doubt
Q: are they gonna tell everyone I'm weird?
A: probably already have
Q: do they hate me now?
A: they say they don't. Inconclusive
Q: same time next week?
A: if you're lucky, you little freak
Q: did I act weird?
A: absolutely, without a doubt
Q: are they gonna tell everyone I'm weird?
A: probably already have
Q: do they hate me now?
A: they say they don't. Inconclusive
Q: same time next week?
A: if you're lucky, you little freak
I thought Marty Supreme was a Taco Bell secret menu item
February 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
I thought Marty Supreme was a Taco Bell secret menu item
I hope this email finds you attractive
February 7, 2026 at 5:13 AM
I hope this email finds you attractive
I once again suspect that all of my friends secretly hate me. When confronted, they claim this isn't the case. But it wouldn't be much of a secret if they just came out and admitted it, now would it?
February 6, 2026 at 11:28 PM
I once again suspect that all of my friends secretly hate me. When confronted, they claim this isn't the case. But it wouldn't be much of a secret if they just came out and admitted it, now would it?
Girl who is simultaneously terrified of being too boring and too interesting
February 6, 2026 at 11:01 PM
Girl who is simultaneously terrified of being too boring and too interesting
Going through old work files and found a lease my company did with a sex shop. It says they could exclusively sell "novelties and related items," but that's so ambiguous it could mean basically anything. I'd have insisted on an itemized product list
February 6, 2026 at 4:15 PM
Going through old work files and found a lease my company did with a sex shop. It says they could exclusively sell "novelties and related items," but that's so ambiguous it could mean basically anything. I'd have insisted on an itemized product list
Doctor: Why did you refuse to cover this prescription?
Insurance: We don't know what it's for
D: I told you when I first prescribed it
I: We forgot
D: It allows the patient to sleep and makes her not wanna kill herself
I: Oh... Oof... Wanting to kill yourself sounds like a pre-existing condition...
Insurance: We don't know what it's for
D: I told you when I first prescribed it
I: We forgot
D: It allows the patient to sleep and makes her not wanna kill herself
I: Oh... Oof... Wanting to kill yourself sounds like a pre-existing condition...
February 3, 2026 at 10:39 AM
Doctor: Why did you refuse to cover this prescription?
Insurance: We don't know what it's for
D: I told you when I first prescribed it
I: We forgot
D: It allows the patient to sleep and makes her not wanna kill herself
I: Oh... Oof... Wanting to kill yourself sounds like a pre-existing condition...
Insurance: We don't know what it's for
D: I told you when I first prescribed it
I: We forgot
D: It allows the patient to sleep and makes her not wanna kill herself
I: Oh... Oof... Wanting to kill yourself sounds like a pre-existing condition...
Whenever I can't sleep, I go lie down on my kitchen floor. It doesn't help me fall asleep, but it does incentivize me to keep my kitchen floor clean
February 3, 2026 at 7:30 AM
Whenever I can't sleep, I go lie down on my kitchen floor. It doesn't help me fall asleep, but it does incentivize me to keep my kitchen floor clean
Hi, girl expert here! This is not funny, girls only do this when they're in extreme distress.
January 27, 2026 at 4:06 PM
Hi, girl expert here! This is not funny, girls only do this when they're in extreme distress.
"Which way, western man?" I say, trying to remember which leg to inject my estradiol into this week
January 26, 2026 at 10:41 PM
"Which way, western man?" I say, trying to remember which leg to inject my estradiol into this week
George W Bush's drag name is Nina Leven
January 23, 2026 at 3:44 PM
George W Bush's drag name is Nina Leven
I'm not manic. Fuck you. I'm sorry. Fuck you.
January 19, 2026 at 8:05 PM
I'm not manic. Fuck you. I'm sorry. Fuck you.
Fuck carrots
Marry onions
Kill celery
Cheat on onions with garlic
Marry onions
Kill celery
Cheat on onions with garlic
January 19, 2026 at 7:24 PM
Fuck carrots
Marry onions
Kill celery
Cheat on onions with garlic
Marry onions
Kill celery
Cheat on onions with garlic
Cooking tip: making fresh pasta is a lot easier if you periodically shout a traditional Italian phrase such as "yippee! I am Italian!"
January 19, 2026 at 6:58 PM
Cooking tip: making fresh pasta is a lot easier if you periodically shout a traditional Italian phrase such as "yippee! I am Italian!"
Forgot to hit play on my headphones before getting wrist deep in some gnocchi dough and I thought I would die in silence
January 19, 2026 at 6:52 PM
Forgot to hit play on my headphones before getting wrist deep in some gnocchi dough and I thought I would die in silence
Can girls get ennui and what to do about?
January 19, 2026 at 5:30 PM
Can girls get ennui and what to do about?
Do dogs get ennui and what to do about?
January 19, 2026 at 5:11 PM
Do dogs get ennui and what to do about?
Having a crush on someone is so embarrassing. Like, oh you have a little friend who you wanna spend time with and give little kisses to? Grow up. Oh, seeing them smile can turn around your whole day for you? Go fuck yourself
January 18, 2026 at 3:51 PM
Having a crush on someone is so embarrassing. Like, oh you have a little friend who you wanna spend time with and give little kisses to? Grow up. Oh, seeing them smile can turn around your whole day for you? Go fuck yourself
Talking about buying 32GB of RAM for $30 in 2023 the way grandmas in fiction reminisce about buying an egg cream for a nickel down at the soda fountain during the Wilson administration
January 12, 2026 at 9:28 PM
Talking about buying 32GB of RAM for $30 in 2023 the way grandmas in fiction reminisce about buying an egg cream for a nickel down at the soda fountain during the Wilson administration
I still haven't seen a single news report about them finding a small amount of weed in Maduro's house. It's like they're not even trying anymore
January 4, 2026 at 8:20 PM
I still haven't seen a single news report about them finding a small amount of weed in Maduro's house. It's like they're not even trying anymore
Trying my hand at freestyle poetry:
I tried to pet a bull shark once.
A lady said, "Don't do that, dipshit. That's a bull shark."
The lady had boobs. Her boobs were cool.
The shark did not have boobs insofar as I could tell.
I listened to the lady, mostly cuz of the boobs
I tried to pet a bull shark once.
A lady said, "Don't do that, dipshit. That's a bull shark."
The lady had boobs. Her boobs were cool.
The shark did not have boobs insofar as I could tell.
I listened to the lady, mostly cuz of the boobs
December 31, 2025 at 3:09 PM
Trying my hand at freestyle poetry:
I tried to pet a bull shark once.
A lady said, "Don't do that, dipshit. That's a bull shark."
The lady had boobs. Her boobs were cool.
The shark did not have boobs insofar as I could tell.
I listened to the lady, mostly cuz of the boobs
I tried to pet a bull shark once.
A lady said, "Don't do that, dipshit. That's a bull shark."
The lady had boobs. Her boobs were cool.
The shark did not have boobs insofar as I could tell.
I listened to the lady, mostly cuz of the boobs
If you do actually get a lump of coal for Christmas, are you allowed to be pissed off? Or are you still supposed to act like you like it?
December 30, 2025 at 3:05 PM
If you do actually get a lump of coal for Christmas, are you allowed to be pissed off? Or are you still supposed to act like you like it?
Talking to my sister while she does the wordle
Me: try 'pony'
Her: it has to be 5 letters
Me: oh, right. Try 'ponies'
Me: try 'pony'
Her: it has to be 5 letters
Me: oh, right. Try 'ponies'
December 28, 2025 at 10:47 PM
Talking to my sister while she does the wordle
Me: try 'pony'
Her: it has to be 5 letters
Me: oh, right. Try 'ponies'
Me: try 'pony'
Her: it has to be 5 letters
Me: oh, right. Try 'ponies'
Hello? 9-1-1? My pizza dough isn't rising properly. Can you send someone to give me a hug?
December 27, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Hello? 9-1-1? My pizza dough isn't rising properly. Can you send someone to give me a hug?
This Christmas featured a new challenger to the fan favorite Drunk Uncle: the Vicodin Aunt™. It really is the most wonderful time of the year
December 25, 2025 at 11:26 PM
This Christmas featured a new challenger to the fan favorite Drunk Uncle: the Vicodin Aunt™. It really is the most wonderful time of the year