Trump: "They're saying I'm against diversity. I'm the biggest believer in diversity. The corrupt. The incompetent. The liars, cheats and fantasists. The criminal. All of these have been excluded in the past. Well, I'm now giving them all a chance to run our government. That's diversity."

Biden-Obama are to blame for:
- Asian Giant Hornets
- Japan's attack on Pearl Harbour
- Rabies
- Killer Robots
- King George III
- Watergate Conspiracy
- Squid-flavour Ice Cream

Trump: “They say I could go on for another twenty or thirty years. But no one goes on forever. I don’t know what they have planned for when I’ve gone. I’ve heard whispers about a giant gold mausoleum. That would be nice. People from all over the world would come. Who knows?”

Trump: “Do I believe in UFOs? I didn’t use to before I became president. Now I see a lot of stuff. Reports. I can’t tell you … but there’s some weird things going on. But we can deal with the UFOs. All they want is a sports franchise.”

I have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I’m very famous. Some deranged people attack the star and damage it. Elon is designing a special star for me that’s indestructible. When people step on it, it will send a ‘like’ to the Oval Office.

The other voice I often hear is God’s. I assume it’s God as it sounds like him. I always get good advice especially on deals. When I prayed last month God’s voice told me to launch my own digital currency, so I did. Even God is buying up $Trump!

trumP: "All the degenerate art sitting in our museums and galleries - weird swirls and colored blobs from people on drugs - they call themselves artists - is all being ripped out. We need strong, patriotic images. Soldiers, flags, eagles. Babes in bikinis. Great American art."

Trump: "Today, by Executive Order, I am renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. California is renamed Melania. Canada will be seized and renamed Ivanka. Greenland will now be the Land of Musk."

Interviewer: Mr President, what do you think about the involvement of Mr Schrödinger's cat?
Trump: Does an unobservant bear who is quietly shitting in the woods hear a tree falling on it if there’s no one around – who knows?

Unimpeachable, that's what you are
Unimpeachable, that's what you are
Tho re-election seemed implausible
Still your supporters are deplorable
Just as your words are unintelligible too
- as performed by Not King Cole

Trump: “A bunch of so-called climate scientists have been saying the weather’s going to get more extreme. As a sportsman, I know how to deal with extreme weather – just stay in the clubhouse until it passes over!”

Trump & Musk's plan to turn Mars into a golf resort.

Trump: “They say I’m the third tallest US President in history. Obama is nowhere. But Lincoln used elevator shoes, which means I’m second tallest. And Johnson only became President by default. So in reality, I’m the tallest US President ever. The tallest."