BREAKING: Cedric Alexander announces retirement, stating that "you can only park so many cars on Nicollet Mall before it really starts to burn you out"
July 20, 2023 at 10:48 PM
BREAKING: Cedric Alexander announces retirement, stating that "you can only park so many cars on Nicollet Mall before it really starts to burn you out"
65% of Minneapolis residents would rather hug the mayor once than suffer eternal damnation & torture, according to a survey conducted by the City of Minneapolis
July 18, 2023 at 6:50 PM
65% of Minneapolis residents would rather hug the mayor once than suffer eternal damnation & torture, according to a survey conducted by the City of Minneapolis
Mayor Frey announces new vision for 3rd Precinct: a mixed-use building in the heart of the North Loop, complete with an artisanal donut shop and affordable apartments with rent as low as $4k/month
July 17, 2023 at 7:44 PM
Mayor Frey announces new vision for 3rd Precinct: a mixed-use building in the heart of the North Loop, complete with an artisanal donut shop and affordable apartments with rent as low as $4k/month
BREAKING: A Blaine couple has been booked on suspected terrorism charges, after authorities uncovered their plot to contaminate the State Fair's lemonade supply with pickle juice
July 12, 2023 at 3:49 PM
BREAKING: A Blaine couple has been booked on suspected terrorism charges, after authorities uncovered their plot to contaminate the State Fair's lemonade supply with pickle juice
The MN GOP has reported that their party has only $50 in the bank, blaming 'hyperinflation under Biden' that has made it 'nearly impossible' to pay for all of their mistresses' abortions
July 12, 2023 at 12:54 AM
The MN GOP has reported that their party has only $50 in the bank, blaming 'hyperinflation under Biden' that has made it 'nearly impossible' to pay for all of their mistresses' abortions
HEARTWARMING: Hundreds of parents in Chanhassen took to the streets this morning in spontaneous celebration, collectively overjoyed that their daughters beat the odds & somehow survived a trip to Downtown Swiftieapolis
June 24, 2023 at 3:59 PM
HEARTWARMING: Hundreds of parents in Chanhassen took to the streets this morning in spontaneous celebration, collectively overjoyed that their daughters beat the odds & somehow survived a trip to Downtown Swiftieapolis
The Minneapolis Police Federation has responded to the DOJ investigation, calling it 'unfair', explaining that if the DOJ were to investigate "literally any other police department in America, they'd find the same amount of blatant disregard for human life & dignity"
June 18, 2023 at 10:16 PM
The Minneapolis Police Federation has responded to the DOJ investigation, calling it 'unfair', explaining that if the DOJ were to investigate "literally any other police department in America, they'd find the same amount of blatant disregard for human life & dignity"
BREAKING: DOJ investigation concludes that MPD is 'full of losers and incels', suggests that the only way to resolve these deeply-rooted issues would be to ban no-knock warrants again
June 16, 2023 at 3:28 PM
BREAKING: DOJ investigation concludes that MPD is 'full of losers and incels', suggests that the only way to resolve these deeply-rooted issues would be to ban no-knock warrants again
In a controversial move, the MN Federation of Police has opted to add the 11 hogs who died yesterday on 35-E to their annual tally of Officers Fallen in the Line of Duty
June 10, 2023 at 3:59 PM
In a controversial move, the MN Federation of Police has opted to add the 11 hogs who died yesterday on 35-E to their annual tally of Officers Fallen in the Line of Duty
MPD announces major public safety progress, having finally apprehended the single 12-year-old responsible for all violent crime in the city. "Our work isn't done yet, though", says Chief O'Hara, "We still need to track down the 4th graders behind all of the drug trafficking"
June 8, 2023 at 3:43 PM
MPD announces major public safety progress, having finally apprehended the single 12-year-old responsible for all violent crime in the city. "Our work isn't done yet, though", says Chief O'Hara, "We still need to track down the 4th graders behind all of the drug trafficking"
Local Republicans fear 'imminent collapse of society' now that it is legally mandatory for all Minnesotan adults (21+) to consume at least 2 oz (3 joints) of marijuana daily
May 31, 2023 at 12:57 AM
Local Republicans fear 'imminent collapse of society' now that it is legally mandatory for all Minnesotan adults (21+) to consume at least 2 oz (3 joints) of marijuana daily
INSIDE SCOOP: Tensions between Chief O'Hara and rank-and-file MPD officers continue to escalate, as officers grow increasingly frustrated that O'Hara won't "just shred all the MDHR documents to make the consent decree go away"
May 30, 2023 at 2:53 PM
INSIDE SCOOP: Tensions between Chief O'Hara and rank-and-file MPD officers continue to escalate, as officers grow increasingly frustrated that O'Hara won't "just shred all the MDHR documents to make the consent decree go away"
Walz vetoes Uber bill, calling it a "slippery slope to mandating that all Minnesotans get paid a livable wage"
May 25, 2023 at 10:06 PM
Walz vetoes Uber bill, calling it a "slippery slope to mandating that all Minnesotans get paid a livable wage"
NEW: Community survey shows that a vast majority of Minneapolis residents are in strongly favor of the 3rd Precinct being reburnt, regardless of which site the city chooses
May 25, 2023 at 12:14 AM
NEW: Community survey shows that a vast majority of Minneapolis residents are in strongly favor of the 3rd Precinct being reburnt, regardless of which site the city chooses
As the 2023 election cycle approaches, the DFL has committed to an innovative (yet untested) campaign strategy: convince potential voters that this is the most important election of their lifetime
May 23, 2023 at 9:29 PM
As the 2023 election cycle approaches, the DFL has committed to an innovative (yet untested) campaign strategy: convince potential voters that this is the most important election of their lifetime
In the aftermath of the Ward 10 convention, the DFL has passed a new bylaw barring Wedge Live from reporting on any & all party events
May 20, 2023 at 4:44 PM
In the aftermath of the Ward 10 convention, the DFL has passed a new bylaw barring Wedge Live from reporting on any & all party events
NEW: Ken Martin has updated the DFL Statement on the Ward 10 Convention, to clarify that the real victim of the situation was Andrea Jenkins
May 15, 2023 at 9:46 PM
NEW: Ken Martin has updated the DFL Statement on the Ward 10 Convention, to clarify that the real victim of the situation was Andrea Jenkins
NEW: Nasri Warsame is suing the DFL for damages, claiming 65% of his campaign staff have filed for PTSD disability claims following the Ward 10 civil unrest
May 15, 2023 at 2:24 AM
NEW: Nasri Warsame is suing the DFL for damages, claiming 65% of his campaign staff have filed for PTSD disability claims following the Ward 10 civil unrest
BREAKING: The City of Minneapolis has revoked Jacob Frey's access to all official social media accounts, after the Mayor allegedly 'posted hog on main'
May 12, 2023 at 9:20 PM
BREAKING: The City of Minneapolis has revoked Jacob Frey's access to all official social media accounts, after the Mayor allegedly 'posted hog on main'