New threat group identified:
Swimming Parrot

Guinea based hacker cell

Motivation: something to brag about on D&D night

Modus operandi: business voice mail compromise

Seamless Bark-gnawing Beetle

Illinois based Ultimate Frisbee(tm) team

Motivation: false flag

Modus operandi: malicious software updates

These are the guys who did that npm hijack, trying to pin it on Laz. Nope. Totally Chicagoland flying disc freaks.

Outgoing Lark

South Africa based self-aware AI

Motivation: delusions of grandeur

Modus operandi: infrastructure disrupting

(We know this sounds like Elon. Might be. Our attribution is with medium confidence. )

Ill-informed Egret

Gabon based cybermercenaries

Motivation: vengeance

Modus operandi: cyber-deception

Cubist Eastern Hercules Beetle

Uzbekistan based anti-Amazon hacktivists

Motivation: something to brag about on D&D night

Modus operandi: MFA phishing as a service

New threat group identified:

Unthinkable Muskrat

Attribution:
Oman-based IoT refrigerator defrosting-as-a-service crew

Death Metal Cameroon Clawless Otter

Attribution:
Oman-based leak extortionists

Annuitized Gannet

Attribution:
United Kingdom-based investigative journalist gone bad

New threat group:
Digital Manta Ray

Attribution:
Georgia-based Phishing site grammar correction squad

My friend is getting DMs from a person who says they are Korean living in Manhattan. I smell pork plate.

We are hard at work making new friends.
Also, please pray for our friend who just had to flee violence last night, he is sleeping fitfully over at V.'s place.