I don't eat chia pudding because it's healthy, I do it to satisfy my primal desire to slurp frog eggs

I can only have a book for 21 days but I've been waiting at the front of the line for months. Whhhyyyy

I think going to science camp in middle school and learning about the battery cell that ran on water and then watching everyone around me just accept it when the idea got buried like we didn't all see it work set my life on a worse trajectory

I slept 14 hours last night and woke up feeling normal. I wasn't built for capitalism.

Our last tomato for the year

It's only ad hominem if the insult is meant to support an argument. Sometimes people are just calling you annoying.

Watching my female instacart shopper find everything in exactly the order I'd shop myself and only make necessary, pre-approved substitutions. God I love women.

"a cult could get anyone" not me, I'd never go to a seminar

This post is only for raccoons: you think you can steal my opossum bones? we'll see who's stealing whose bones when I catch you.

Sitting at my desk thinking about getting up to get coffee for long enough that it becomes unreasonably late to have coffee

Just me and my clingy cat pooping in tandem

Seeing everyone else talk about sleep disruption all at once is a weird experience when you have chronic sleep issues. Forgot we're not all always tired all the time.

My partner said "you're up early" to me at 11 am

He practiced that at home in the mirror