Just watched the new Spinal Tap film. I give it an 11/10.

The best way to find out you have a great friend is how they react when you win. Real friends want you to win. Unfortunately, I don't know yet if I'm a great friend yet as all my mates are Man Utd fans.

@paulkohlersw19.bsky.social Hi Mr Kohler, I'm a constituent of Wimbledon and voted for you in the last election. Please could you raise the issue of starvation in Gaza in parliament or put more pressure on the Government to ask Israel to let aid in and stop all sales of arms to Israel. Thank you.

Nice to see a fully packed stadium for the Europa Conference League Final. I didn't know Chelsea had that many players on loan. #ChelseaFC

My overbearing Indian mother just phoned me to say, "If Spurs can win a European Throphy, then you can still become a doctor." #manutd #Spurs #EuropaLeagueFinal

To accommodate both Tottenham and Man Utd and not to be sued by trade descriptions, the traditional Big Six clubs have changed their name and extended the number of teams who can join this select elite. It's now called the Big 17.

It transfer deadline day. My stand-up friend has picked up interest from the world's biggest comedy agency. Man Utd. #DeadlineDay #ManchesterUnited

Did you know Roman Abramovich owes the UK state £1 billion in taxes. In today's financial climate that's two Chelsea players.

Two things I hate in this world are loneliness and other people.

We hire too many people of colour who are not equipped to do the job. Just look at Donald Trump.

Did you know Roman Abramovich owes the UK state £1 billion in taxes. In today's financial climate, that's two Chelsea players.

I'm headlining this wonderful neurodivergent comedy and spoken word night tomorrow in Margate. Tickets only £5 7pm start at the la! On Margate high street.
www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/madmatched...

So, a ceasefire deal has been brokered with regards to Gaza. Both #NigelFarage and #KemiBadenoch don't have an opinion on the issue until #elonmusk tells them.

I want to go bed, but I am watching the Sir Alex Ferguson documentary on BBC 1, and it's overunning by 10 minutes. #FergieTime

I've got no sympathy for Keir Starmer as he's partly been using the same play book as the likes of Musk and the far right to escape goat immigrants.

Most teams play with four at the back, but Man Utd play with 3. That's because Jim Ratcliffe wants to save money by not buying a fourth defender.

2024 has been a great year. I got a really well-paid job. CEO of United Health Care. I'm surprised no one else went in for it. #unitedhealthcareceo

Indian people are least likely group to get married in the USA. That's because annual leave in the states is 10 days whereas an Indian wedding is 11 days. #jokes