[eating noodles]
The universe smiled upon me that day I discovered noodles.
[eating toast]
When you discover toast you realize it's the taste you didn't even know you were looking for.
[eating popcorn]
The corn hypnotizes you, the butter sweetens you, and the salt, the salt it takes you for a walk.

guy who's cursed but mistakes the curse for the natural order of things and the random, inconsequential intervals between calamities for evidence of divine favor: oh hell yeah dude

that new roll of paper towels high... limitless potential

i trained myself to chew bubble gum while i sleep and have ruined dozens of cpap machines. my doctor is livid but the sleep studies are inconclusive

distorted funhouse mirror on a servo, ever turning away to hide its reflection. what might you see standing before it? best not to imagine this. best not to linger, to gather, to note the whine of its last panicked yawing as we begin to close a circle

trying to create a memory palace but i defraud myself and construct only an oppressive monotonous sprawl of memory mcmansions, all identical, unfinished, abandoned, never to be inhabited with the treasures of life. a wind blows and my head rings like an empty jug

externalizing my mind by reading a textbook cover to cover and highlighting every passage of the remotest importance but i'm actually using whiteout and astonishingly stupid