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This tracks.

November 12, 2025 at 6:30 PM EDT A Fortune investigation reveals that Boring Company, the tunneling startup founded by Elon Musk (right), was able to skirt aggressive penalties after its president, St...

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President Trump visited the site where he would have died in the Vietnam War if not for his wealth and privilege. He laid a wreath and honored those who, like him, avoided military service due to thei...

theonionDespite the president’s sagging approval rating overall, a Gallup Poll released Tuesday confirmed that Donald Trump’s support remained overwhelmingly strong among working-class American pedophiles. “Even though his polling numbers among Americans who are not sexually attracted to children have hit a second-term low, the president’s approval rating is still an impressive 80% among child rapists with household incomes between $30,000 and $80,000,” said polling analyst Lily Willis, explaining that Gallup’s results indicated that Trump’s agenda still spoke to the large number of Americans primarily concerned with kitchen table issues like whether or not they’ll be able to afford 13-year-old prostitutes. “For sexual predators who molest kids paycheck to paycheck, Trump’s promise to jump-start the economy with tariffs remains extremely popular. Furthermore, the recent trend of lower gas prices has significantly eased the financial burden on pedophiles whose sex crimes often rely on trafficking children across state lines. Interestingly, while the poll demonstrated that Trump’s support has softened among rapists more broadly, his approval rating remains safely above water among the demographic of ephebophiles—those who, like Trump himself, are sexually attracted to teenagers.” At press time, Democratic strategists were reportedly looking for new ways to appeal to the essential pedophile voting bloc to avoid a disastrous midterm election.Enjoying that story legally obligates you to subscribe to The Onion at link in bio.View all 1,345 comments

Michael Burry, of The Big Short fame, warns about the potential risks of investing in AI companies.

The company is run by the husband of Noem’s chief DHS spokesperson and has personal and business ties to Noem and her aides. DHS invoked the “emergency” at the border to skirt competitive bidding rule...

Over the last month, Trump’s mental decline has appeared to worsen. Consider:On Sunday, he posted an image claiming that Barack Obama had been collecting millions in taxpayer dollars from “royalties l...

A professor at a New York college said he was shocked to learn that a student he knew as Justin Phillips is allegedly a fugitive who disappeared from Oklahoma over a decade ago.

Trump keeps claiming that prices are ‘way down’ — but with food inflation running nearly twice the rate as it was in Biden’s last year, Americans are not fooled.

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The impacts of the longest federal government shutdown in United States history are reverberating around the country — leaving millions of Americans in limbo and igniting concerns about an economic do...

The hatefulness and histrionics of Trump's allies exemplify how the ill-formed and culturally biased so easily make fools of themselves.

The arrests were made in five cities in the first operation in Spain to dismantle the Venezuelan prison gang.

The incident occurred at Guano Point on the canyon's west rim, according to the Mohave County Sheriff's Office.

A series of confusing rants and apparent naps have prompted fresh questions about the president’s health.

In a possible violation of the First Amendment, federal officials instructed demonstrators to stop holding religious gatherings outside the immigration processing facility in suburban Broadview after ...

“Dozy Don” appeared exhausted as he touched down for a weekend of relaxation at Mar-a-Lago.

Far-right podcaster and former top presidential advisor Steve Bannon told a crowd of aspiring conservative staffers on Capitol Hill this week that the job of Republicans between now and the midterm el...