Moma
@didtravels.bsky.social
Finding a way to feel, remember & live holistically & in the present
I feel like I had my day by 10.30am. I had my quarterly psychiatrist appointment which always finds gruelling & then disclosed to sibling CSA as part of working up to an ending of family therapy and standing on our own 2 feet/communicating outside therapy. Just marking time now feeling frazzled.
October 6, 2025 at 1:44 PM
I feel like I had my day by 10.30am. I had my quarterly psychiatrist appointment which always finds gruelling & then disclosed to sibling CSA as part of working up to an ending of family therapy and standing on our own 2 feet/communicating outside therapy. Just marking time now feeling frazzled.
The pup had a good socialisation day visiting friends with kids. Just dropped him off at doggy care and feel sad...like abandoning him!
October 5, 2025 at 7:06 PM
The pup had a good socialisation day visiting friends with kids. Just dropped him off at doggy care and feel sad...like abandoning him!
Puppy getting in his socialisation to be a London dog.
Not gonna lie the last 5 weeks have been HARD!
Not gonna lie the last 5 weeks have been HARD!
October 4, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Puppy getting in his socialisation to be a London dog.
Not gonna lie the last 5 weeks have been HARD!
Not gonna lie the last 5 weeks have been HARD!
I'm really struggling with,what I'm choosing to believe, is this phase of 'recovery'
1st thing when I wake up is think oh shit I'm awake fu*k, 2nd is when can I get to bed/run away from the world?
There is a huge unrelenting underlying anxiety&agitation
It's been about 4 mths now&I'm tired!
1st thing when I wake up is think oh shit I'm awake fu*k, 2nd is when can I get to bed/run away from the world?
There is a huge unrelenting underlying anxiety&agitation
It's been about 4 mths now&I'm tired!
January 5, 2025 at 2:31 PM
I'm really struggling with,what I'm choosing to believe, is this phase of 'recovery'
1st thing when I wake up is think oh shit I'm awake fu*k, 2nd is when can I get to bed/run away from the world?
There is a huge unrelenting underlying anxiety&agitation
It's been about 4 mths now&I'm tired!
1st thing when I wake up is think oh shit I'm awake fu*k, 2nd is when can I get to bed/run away from the world?
There is a huge unrelenting underlying anxiety&agitation
It's been about 4 mths now&I'm tired!
When I went to my first grp thing, a few yrs ago now, I was so internally dysregulated that the other participants would trigger me in myriad ways and it felt like I needed, and often did need, a 1:1 therapy to recover from the grp therapy.
I felt a bit of that today but it was only like wind
I felt a bit of that today but it was only like wind
December 31, 2024 at 1:02 PM
When I went to my first grp thing, a few yrs ago now, I was so internally dysregulated that the other participants would trigger me in myriad ways and it felt like I needed, and often did need, a 1:1 therapy to recover from the grp therapy.
I felt a bit of that today but it was only like wind
I felt a bit of that today but it was only like wind
Went to another support group meeting. This one was more traditional. I'm beginning to 'see' realisation that dissociation has made me/us very isolated/singular. Hypoarousal causes us to fold inwards.
December 31, 2024 at 12:49 PM
Went to another support group meeting. This one was more traditional. I'm beginning to 'see' realisation that dissociation has made me/us very isolated/singular. Hypoarousal causes us to fold inwards.
Went to a group support meeting today but it was a yoga session so it just felt like a yoga class with more chat!
Trying to do 'something' different this quarter as last quarter was hard.
Trying to do 'something' different this quarter as last quarter was hard.
December 30, 2024 at 9:36 PM
Went to a group support meeting today but it was a yoga session so it just felt like a yoga class with more chat!
Trying to do 'something' different this quarter as last quarter was hard.
Trying to do 'something' different this quarter as last quarter was hard.
I did some digging as I was confused.
Psych of 5 years determined only DID (after 4.5 yrs of working dx of both to properly assess as he told me).
Locum after 30 mins put EUPD (& DID) as actual dx + psychosis is working dx.
New 🤞 long term psych reverted to DID.
Psych of 5 years determined only DID (after 4.5 yrs of working dx of both to properly assess as he told me).
Locum after 30 mins put EUPD (& DID) as actual dx + psychosis is working dx.
New 🤞 long term psych reverted to DID.
I just (re)-realised from psych's clinic letter that only dx is DID, EUPD has been removed!
It was removed in last one as well, just checked, but somehow erased itself from my memory.
My GP care even with it was good & I can't tell if they have made the change as no access on app.
Feels weird!
It was removed in last one as well, just checked, but somehow erased itself from my memory.
My GP care even with it was good & I can't tell if they have made the change as no access on app.
Feels weird!
December 28, 2024 at 8:05 PM
I did some digging as I was confused.
Psych of 5 years determined only DID (after 4.5 yrs of working dx of both to properly assess as he told me).
Locum after 30 mins put EUPD (& DID) as actual dx + psychosis is working dx.
New 🤞 long term psych reverted to DID.
Psych of 5 years determined only DID (after 4.5 yrs of working dx of both to properly assess as he told me).
Locum after 30 mins put EUPD (& DID) as actual dx + psychosis is working dx.
New 🤞 long term psych reverted to DID.
I just (re)-realised from psych's clinic letter that only dx is DID, EUPD has been removed!
It was removed in last one as well, just checked, but somehow erased itself from my memory.
My GP care even with it was good & I can't tell if they have made the change as no access on app.
Feels weird!
It was removed in last one as well, just checked, but somehow erased itself from my memory.
My GP care even with it was good & I can't tell if they have made the change as no access on app.
Feels weird!
December 28, 2024 at 3:05 PM
I just (re)-realised from psych's clinic letter that only dx is DID, EUPD has been removed!
It was removed in last one as well, just checked, but somehow erased itself from my memory.
My GP care even with it was good & I can't tell if they have made the change as no access on app.
Feels weird!
It was removed in last one as well, just checked, but somehow erased itself from my memory.
My GP care even with it was good & I can't tell if they have made the change as no access on app.
Feels weird!
We struggle most interpersonally&with having any vim&vigour 4 life. It seems bc we are afraid of life &triggers &afraid of being us that r in everlasting freeze state. But the way our life is that is not objective. I guess I'm tired of being myselves ie in 5 star hotel in Hot Place & still unhappy!
December 26, 2024 at 5:30 PM
We struggle most interpersonally&with having any vim&vigour 4 life. It seems bc we are afraid of life &triggers &afraid of being us that r in everlasting freeze state. But the way our life is that is not objective. I guess I'm tired of being myselves ie in 5 star hotel in Hot Place & still unhappy!
I fear that (very) subconsciously we want to inhabit the 'sick role'.
What other explanation for still feeling suicidal where in good socioeconomic circumstances & on objectively fab beach holiday?
What other explanation for still feeling suicidal where in good socioeconomic circumstances & on objectively fab beach holiday?
December 26, 2024 at 5:23 PM
I fear that (very) subconsciously we want to inhabit the 'sick role'.
What other explanation for still feeling suicidal where in good socioeconomic circumstances & on objectively fab beach holiday?
What other explanation for still feeling suicidal where in good socioeconomic circumstances & on objectively fab beach holiday?
Saw my psychiatrist for 2nd time (after 5 months). Seems very psychoanalytic in approach. Which I guess I prefer to the more bio medical approach had from previous one. But still seem to feel - how are you healing me?!
December 19, 2024 at 2:30 PM
Saw my psychiatrist for 2nd time (after 5 months). Seems very psychoanalytic in approach. Which I guess I prefer to the more bio medical approach had from previous one. But still seem to feel - how are you healing me?!
Uuugh just finished 5 hrs work. I hate working on the weekend.
I sometimes wonder what it'd be like with a less pressured job but I guess all jobs have their difficulties.
*Recovery/life
I sometimes wonder what it'd be like with a less pressured job but I guess all jobs have their difficulties.
*Recovery/life
December 15, 2024 at 6:44 PM
Uuugh just finished 5 hrs work. I hate working on the weekend.
I sometimes wonder what it'd be like with a less pressured job but I guess all jobs have their difficulties.
*Recovery/life
I sometimes wonder what it'd be like with a less pressured job but I guess all jobs have their difficulties.
*Recovery/life
I had a message session with the Samaritans last night.
What struck me was that she was focused on distraction and risk.
Anything else was scooped up with words difficult or challenging. Didn't really feel they wanted to hear the tough stuff.
What struck me was that she was focused on distraction and risk.
Anything else was scooped up with words difficult or challenging. Didn't really feel they wanted to hear the tough stuff.
December 13, 2024 at 11:16 AM
I had a message session with the Samaritans last night.
What struck me was that she was focused on distraction and risk.
Anything else was scooped up with words difficult or challenging. Didn't really feel they wanted to hear the tough stuff.
What struck me was that she was focused on distraction and risk.
Anything else was scooped up with words difficult or challenging. Didn't really feel they wanted to hear the tough stuff.
Had a very difficult family therapy. First time mentioned possible CSA to mother. Feeling rough.
Been doing family therapy for 2 years in Jan now on NHS. It's certainly a good aspect of my cmht.
Been doing family therapy for 2 years in Jan now on NHS. It's certainly a good aspect of my cmht.
December 12, 2024 at 2:21 PM
Had a very difficult family therapy. First time mentioned possible CSA to mother. Feeling rough.
Been doing family therapy for 2 years in Jan now on NHS. It's certainly a good aspect of my cmht.
Been doing family therapy for 2 years in Jan now on NHS. It's certainly a good aspect of my cmht.
Feelings are a funny thing. Things don't necessarily 'feel' easier or better or more settled now.
But I look back on the sheer amount of support I needed say 3 yrs ago & using that as a measure of how unwell I was, it seems things were much much worse.
Is this why this whole rhetoric of
But I look back on the sheer amount of support I needed say 3 yrs ago & using that as a measure of how unwell I was, it seems things were much much worse.
Is this why this whole rhetoric of
December 6, 2024 at 1:34 PM
Feelings are a funny thing. Things don't necessarily 'feel' easier or better or more settled now.
But I look back on the sheer amount of support I needed say 3 yrs ago & using that as a measure of how unwell I was, it seems things were much much worse.
Is this why this whole rhetoric of
But I look back on the sheer amount of support I needed say 3 yrs ago & using that as a measure of how unwell I was, it seems things were much much worse.
Is this why this whole rhetoric of
6 yrs of therapy and gained object permanence!
Go me ⭐
Was thinking on it as my therapist is away now for a week and another 2 weeks over Christmas.
Previously this meant putting in place stopgaps like GP call or MIND appointment.
This yr we are like 🤷
Go me ⭐
Was thinking on it as my therapist is away now for a week and another 2 weeks over Christmas.
Previously this meant putting in place stopgaps like GP call or MIND appointment.
This yr we are like 🤷
December 6, 2024 at 1:03 PM
6 yrs of therapy and gained object permanence!
Go me ⭐
Was thinking on it as my therapist is away now for a week and another 2 weeks over Christmas.
Previously this meant putting in place stopgaps like GP call or MIND appointment.
This yr we are like 🤷
Go me ⭐
Was thinking on it as my therapist is away now for a week and another 2 weeks over Christmas.
Previously this meant putting in place stopgaps like GP call or MIND appointment.
This yr we are like 🤷
I hate that stage where the littlest thing & stuff that people would think is fun catapults me into overwhelm and planning but you still have to try and live in your head minute to minute.
December 4, 2024 at 4:32 PM
I hate that stage where the littlest thing & stuff that people would think is fun catapults me into overwhelm and planning but you still have to try and live in your head minute to minute.
That feeling when you want to phone a mhp for help but the response is so variable & apprehensive that you'll not get the mhp that helps but the one that makes you feel 10x worse.
December 4, 2024 at 4:27 PM
That feeling when you want to phone a mhp for help but the response is so variable & apprehensive that you'll not get the mhp that helps but the one that makes you feel 10x worse.
I'm struggling just with being alive. But also with doing the stuff I know may help. There's a huge resistance to facing whoever is upset underneath the freeze state.
December 3, 2024 at 11:28 AM
I'm struggling just with being alive. But also with doing the stuff I know may help. There's a huge resistance to facing whoever is upset underneath the freeze state.
Uggggh I just read a detective story for escape and in the last 30 pages it turned into a DIDunnit complete with murderous alter. I wish I hadn't read it.
December 1, 2024 at 10:51 PM
Uggggh I just read a detective story for escape and in the last 30 pages it turned into a DIDunnit complete with murderous alter. I wish I hadn't read it.
Drove 8.5 hrs today...gonna pay for it Monday/Tuesday.
The dissociated overwhelm always takes a few days to trickle to the surface.
The dissociated overwhelm always takes a few days to trickle to the surface.
November 30, 2024 at 11:22 PM
Drove 8.5 hrs today...gonna pay for it Monday/Tuesday.
The dissociated overwhelm always takes a few days to trickle to the surface.
The dissociated overwhelm always takes a few days to trickle to the surface.
I needed to go on a MH walk 2 days ago to try and arrest the slump am now in but no time. Now there's time but so deep in slump that..#getthefkoutside
November 28, 2024 at 11:54 AM
I needed to go on a MH walk 2 days ago to try and arrest the slump am now in but no time. Now there's time but so deep in slump that..#getthefkoutside
Filling out those safety plans, especially when you're not in that head space, is a empty four lane highway right back.
Do MHPs know the impact of their interventions?!
She was also clearly doing it as a box ticking exercise!
Do MHPs know the impact of their interventions?!
She was also clearly doing it as a box ticking exercise!
November 28, 2024 at 11:15 AM
Filling out those safety plans, especially when you're not in that head space, is a empty four lane highway right back.
Do MHPs know the impact of their interventions?!
She was also clearly doing it as a box ticking exercise!
Do MHPs know the impact of their interventions?!
She was also clearly doing it as a box ticking exercise!