I love yelling at myself that i deserve nothing but to get punted at the wall

God im so stupid

Within these past few days, ive been thinking about death, not like people’s death, but my own death. Ive been thinking about getting gutted and shot and beat up by some sort of person while they say mean things in my ear. I dont know why i think of that, i just do.
I hate myself.

I want to get choked, i want to get stabbed, i deserve nothing, im a attention seeking bitch, i dont want the feeling of me being loved to go away, i dont want anything to go away please dont love me why am i doing this why

Why am i so annoying oh my fucking god
Im never there for my friends or anything or anyone in general
Do i just live to just live?
If so, i dont want to be this person

Hes stalking me again. I dont know what to do.

Do my friends hate me because i never give enough? If so, i am SO sorry.

How do you explain that you hate your groomer but still miss him but need to block him and you sound like your guiltripping people even when people say you arent and you just want to stop tslking