Dave Pell
@davepell.bsky.social
Managing Editor, Internet
NextDraft.com
NextDraft.com
Wrap up 2025 in 6 words:
“Can’t say we didn’t warn you.”
“Can’t say we didn’t warn you.”
December 27, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Wrap up 2025 in 6 words:
“Can’t say we didn’t warn you.”
“Can’t say we didn’t warn you.”
Reposted by Dave Pell
Cat Clinging To Side Of Christmas Tree Admits That Was Extent Of Plan https://theonion.com/cat-clinging-to-side-of-christmas-tree-admits-that-was-1849899567/
December 26, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Cat Clinging To Side Of Christmas Tree Admits That Was Extent Of Plan https://theonion.com/cat-clinging-to-side-of-christmas-tree-admits-that-was-1849899567/
During this time of year, I always find myself recalling the words spoken by Jesus himself:
"Happy Hanukkah."
"Happy Hanukkah."
December 25, 2025 at 7:21 AM
During this time of year, I always find myself recalling the words spoken by Jesus himself:
"Happy Hanukkah."
"Happy Hanukkah."
Trump and his enablers can delete a file here or a news segment there, but they can’t delete all of reality, which is what it would take for history to forgive their toxic stain on America.
December 23, 2025 at 8:40 AM
Trump and his enablers can delete a file here or a news segment there, but they can’t delete all of reality, which is what it would take for history to forgive their toxic stain on America.
60 Minutes doesn’t have the same meaning anymore. At this point, I’m not even sure 60 minutes is an hour.
December 22, 2025 at 2:49 AM
60 Minutes doesn’t have the same meaning anymore. At this point, I’m not even sure 60 minutes is an hour.
If you ever wake up with that dreaded sensation that you couldn’t feel any worse, watch Sunday morning news talk shows. You’ll quickly be reminded that of course you can.
December 21, 2025 at 4:46 PM
If you ever wake up with that dreaded sensation that you couldn’t feel any worse, watch Sunday morning news talk shows. You’ll quickly be reminded that of course you can.
Trump Media just merged with an ink cartridge company.
December 19, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Trump Media just merged with an ink cartridge company.
We’re going to hit the singularity sooner than expected because humans are getting dumber.
December 19, 2025 at 3:32 PM
We’re going to hit the singularity sooner than expected because humans are getting dumber.
CNN and others waiting for press conference on the Brown shooter while Fox has said he killed himself already.
State media seems to be getting the scoops first.
State media seems to be getting the scoops first.
December 19, 2025 at 2:19 AM
CNN and others waiting for press conference on the Brown shooter while Fox has said he killed himself already.
State media seems to be getting the scoops first.
State media seems to be getting the scoops first.
It's Christmas time and parents all over the country face that familiar dilemma:
When do you tell your kids the American President isn't real?
When do you tell your kids the American President isn't real?
December 18, 2025 at 5:30 PM
It's Christmas time and parents all over the country face that familiar dilemma:
When do you tell your kids the American President isn't real?
When do you tell your kids the American President isn't real?
Well, we’ve all wondered what would happen if narcissism and sociopathy had a baby and that baby’s full diaper was tasked with giving a speech.
December 18, 2025 at 2:33 AM
Well, we’ve all wondered what would happen if narcissism and sociopathy had a baby and that baby’s full diaper was tasked with giving a speech.
What if Pluribus is actually just about the alienation and fury associated with being placed on hold.
December 18, 2025 at 12:30 AM
What if Pluribus is actually just about the alienation and fury associated with being placed on hold.
After decades on the internet, I finally found the link I'm least likely to click on.
December 17, 2025 at 6:06 PM
After decades on the internet, I finally found the link I'm least likely to click on.
You know how you send Stop to a spam text and then you get a follow up text telling you that you did that?
If we halt authoritarianism, we’re going after this next.
If we halt authoritarianism, we’re going after this next.
December 16, 2025 at 1:43 AM
You know how you send Stop to a spam text and then you get a follow up text telling you that you did that?
If we halt authoritarianism, we’re going after this next.
If we halt authoritarianism, we’re going after this next.
When lighting the first menorah candle, it was hard not to perceive the dripping wax taking the shape of teardrops, as a confluence of three stories made the launch of the holiday season feel like the Hanukkah from hell.
managingeditor.substack.com/p/candles-in...
managingeditor.substack.com/p/candles-in...
Candles in the Wind
Bondi, Brown, and Reiner
managingeditor.substack.com
December 15, 2025 at 10:31 PM
When lighting the first menorah candle, it was hard not to perceive the dripping wax taking the shape of teardrops, as a confluence of three stories made the launch of the holiday season feel like the Hanukkah from hell.
managingeditor.substack.com/p/candles-in...
managingeditor.substack.com/p/candles-in...
Some days, it going to eleven is just too much to take.
December 15, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Some days, it going to eleven is just too much to take.
Everyone wants to be an influencer.
December 13, 2025 at 7:12 PM
Everyone wants to be an influencer.
I wish I knew how to quit you.
Update: I figured it out.
Update: I figured it out.
December 13, 2025 at 1:20 AM
I wish I knew how to quit you.
Update: I figured it out.
Update: I figured it out.
There is now no difference between the Friday News Dump and someone just taking a dump. We’ve reached the Deucelarity.
December 12, 2025 at 11:28 PM
There is now no difference between the Friday News Dump and someone just taking a dump. We’ve reached the Deucelarity.
The Trump Gold Card applications are now open. Please send a check and a list of your sexual crimes.
December 11, 2025 at 1:44 AM
The Trump Gold Card applications are now open. Please send a check and a list of your sexual crimes.
Apparently, the Trump administration doesn’t know that sans serif typefaces are more straight.
managingeditor.substack.com/p/the-highwa...
managingeditor.substack.com/p/the-highwa...
The Highway to Helvetica
Font Faceplant, Monogamous Mammals
managingeditor.substack.com
December 11, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Apparently, the Trump administration doesn’t know that sans serif typefaces are more straight.
managingeditor.substack.com/p/the-highwa...
managingeditor.substack.com/p/the-highwa...
If Trump gets any weaker, a Democrat is going to win the FIFA Peace Prize.
December 10, 2025 at 3:56 AM
If Trump gets any weaker, a Democrat is going to win the FIFA Peace Prize.
At this point, a Democrat could win an election to be club president at Mar-a-Lago.
December 10, 2025 at 1:02 AM
At this point, a Democrat could win an election to be club president at Mar-a-Lago.