Mitch’s Jokes
@dailymitchhedberg.bsky.social
Keeping the spirit of Mitch Hedberg alive with a daily (or so) laugh!
June 18, 2025 at 11:42 PM
You know restaurant waiting lists? They call your name twice. Then you're just... gone. Like the Dufranes. Poof. No one asks. I bet they're in a trunk, with duct tape. And they're hungry. Bad combo. "Bush, search party of three!" Find the Dufranes. Then eat.
#comedy
#MitchHedberg
#comedy
#MitchHedberg
June 18, 2025 at 11:35 PM
You know restaurant waiting lists? They call your name twice. Then you're just... gone. Like the Dufranes. Poof. No one asks. I bet they're in a trunk, with duct tape. And they're hungry. Bad combo. "Bush, search party of three!" Find the Dufranes. Then eat.
#comedy
#MitchHedberg
#comedy
#MitchHedberg
June 16, 2025 at 1:41 AM
I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations I've traveled to, but first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.
June 16, 2025 at 1:35 AM
I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations I've traveled to, but first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.
June 15, 2025 at 2:52 AM
June 15, 2025 at 2:51 AM
June 13, 2025 at 1:46 PM
I order the club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
#comedy
#mitchhedberg
#comedy
#mitchhedberg
June 13, 2025 at 1:34 PM
I order the club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
#comedy
#mitchhedberg
#comedy
#mitchhedberg
June 12, 2025 at 12:12 PM
One time a guy handed me a picture, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger.
#comedy
#MitchHedberg
#comedy
#MitchHedberg
June 12, 2025 at 12:06 PM
One time a guy handed me a picture, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger.
#comedy
#MitchHedberg
#comedy
#MitchHedberg
June 11, 2025 at 1:12 PM
June 11, 2025 at 1:04 PM
June 10, 2025 at 7:28 PM
I find that a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.
#comedy
#mitchhedberg
#comedy
#mitchhedberg
June 10, 2025 at 7:26 PM
I find that a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.
#comedy
#mitchhedberg
#comedy
#mitchhedberg
I had one anchovy. That's why I didn't have two anchovies
June 10, 2025 at 3:43 PM
I had one anchovy. That's why I didn't have two anchovies
I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign. Only an "Escalator Temporarily Stairs... Sorry for the Convenience
June 10, 2025 at 12:13 PM
I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign. Only an "Escalator Temporarily Stairs... Sorry for the Convenience
