By the time you’re 35 you should have at least 3 daily recurring reminders on your phone, a gym nemesis, and a favorite coffee shop to cry in.
May 28, 2025 at 5:27 PM
By the time you’re 35 you should have at least 3 daily recurring reminders on your phone, a gym nemesis, and a favorite coffee shop to cry in.
I made it 5 years before she finally got my ass.
February 26, 2025 at 10:00 PM
I made it 5 years before she finally got my ass.
I love how Trump thinks DEI hires are highly unqualified candidates handed positions. Just because that’s how he got his job doesn’t mean that’s how anyone else gets theirs.
February 19, 2025 at 6:54 PM
I love how Trump thinks DEI hires are highly unqualified candidates handed positions. Just because that’s how he got his job doesn’t mean that’s how anyone else gets theirs.
“Christ is coming soon!” Ok, cool. Trump will immediately deport him.
January 29, 2025 at 4:25 AM
“Christ is coming soon!” Ok, cool. Trump will immediately deport him.
If I could reach the stars, I would give most of them to you. But I would also probably keep a few for myself.
January 26, 2025 at 3:44 AM
If I could reach the stars, I would give most of them to you. But I would also probably keep a few for myself.
Obsessed with the patient who just said “You can’t always be the microwave. Sometimes you’re the potato.”
January 2, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Obsessed with the patient who just said “You can’t always be the microwave. Sometimes you’re the potato.”
Absolutely jazzed, poised, and ready to tell everyone “see you next year”.
December 30, 2024 at 6:57 PM
Absolutely jazzed, poised, and ready to tell everyone “see you next year”.
Male character runs into room, quickly puts on a feminine appearing disguise. Another character bursts in, sees first character in disguise and says “Looks like you’re CHICKening out.”
Someone hire me to write on a sitcom.
Someone hire me to write on a sitcom.
December 18, 2024 at 3:18 PM
Male character runs into room, quickly puts on a feminine appearing disguise. Another character bursts in, sees first character in disguise and says “Looks like you’re CHICKening out.”
Someone hire me to write on a sitcom.
Someone hire me to write on a sitcom.
Only one more day until I have officially outlived Jesus.
December 8, 2024 at 10:01 PM
Only one more day until I have officially outlived Jesus.
My favorite thing is when someone else scoops you ice cream and they give you way too much but you don’t want to be rude so you get to eat it all
December 5, 2024 at 12:58 AM
My favorite thing is when someone else scoops you ice cream and they give you way too much but you don’t want to be rude so you get to eat it all
Screaming. Crying. Throwing up. So happy for you @hormona-lisa.bsky.social
December 4, 2024 at 7:19 PM
Screaming. Crying. Throwing up. So happy for you @hormona-lisa.bsky.social
If I was a vet, I would make everyone refer to me as “dogtor”, mostly because I’m hilarious.
December 2, 2024 at 12:07 AM
If I was a vet, I would make everyone refer to me as “dogtor”, mostly because I’m hilarious.
Wishing @nicklutsko.bsky.social a very delicious free Provino’s dinner (with purchase of second entree of equal or greater price) on this, the day of your birth.
November 29, 2024 at 10:22 PM
Wishing @nicklutsko.bsky.social a very delicious free Provino’s dinner (with purchase of second entree of equal or greater price) on this, the day of your birth.
Commander’s name should have been Joe Bite’em.
November 28, 2024 at 12:31 AM
Commander’s name should have been Joe Bite’em.
Currently in a Lyft going to improv practice at a damn church because I went too hard on free mimosas at a library pop-up bar. I am so white.
November 24, 2024 at 8:01 PM
Currently in a Lyft going to improv practice at a damn church because I went too hard on free mimosas at a library pop-up bar. I am so white.
Based on the current state of *everything*, now feels like the perfect time for a new System of a Down album.
November 17, 2024 at 5:11 AM
Based on the current state of *everything*, now feels like the perfect time for a new System of a Down album.
Two followers already?!
a cartoon drawing of a deer with a big smile
ALT: a cartoon drawing of a deer with a big smile
media.tenor.com
November 17, 2024 at 2:42 AM
Two followers already?!