crimesididntcommit🏳️⚧️
@crimesididntcommit.bsky.social
mdni. musician, thought leader, brand ambassador for a little thing called “having a good time”
music + ticket links here:
https://linktr.ee/crimesididntcommit
music + ticket links here:
https://linktr.ee/crimesididntcommit
Pinned
my new album Made to Fade is out everywhere now. buy it on bandcamp or stream on the evil service of your choosing, i hope you love it 💚 12 songs of angst, self-hauntings, regrets and trans becoming.
crimesididntcommit.bandcamp.com/album/made-t...
crimesididntcommit.bandcamp.com/album/made-t...
catching a guy wearing a walkman on a worksite in 2002 and going “wait till the foreman hears about this!!!!”
December 27, 2025 at 3:55 AM
catching a guy wearing a walkman on a worksite in 2002 and going “wait till the foreman hears about this!!!!”
who is paying for this tedious smoky the bear commercial that is on all the time? enough already!
December 27, 2025 at 3:47 AM
who is paying for this tedious smoky the bear commercial that is on all the time? enough already!
i’m standing on the side of the stage at a comedy club heckling “get new material!” to a woman who’s just weeping hysterically instead of telling any jokes, and everybody’s applauding me
December 27, 2025 at 3:45 AM
i’m standing on the side of the stage at a comedy club heckling “get new material!” to a woman who’s just weeping hysterically instead of telling any jokes, and everybody’s applauding me
avatar has had a huge cultural impact: it’s become something tedious people go online about to say it’s made no cultural impact, like posting about hating the beatles or calling die hard a christmas movie, because it makes someone think they sound interesting despite it being a pretty boring stance
December 27, 2025 at 3:45 AM
avatar has had a huge cultural impact: it’s become something tedious people go online about to say it’s made no cultural impact, like posting about hating the beatles or calling die hard a christmas movie, because it makes someone think they sound interesting despite it being a pretty boring stance
great big boulder has gotta be one of my favorite things to dodge out of the way of
December 27, 2025 at 1:36 AM
great big boulder has gotta be one of my favorite things to dodge out of the way of
i can never have a martini and not think of mitch hedberg’s joke about drunk driving commercials
December 27, 2025 at 12:54 AM
i can never have a martini and not think of mitch hedberg’s joke about drunk driving commercials
it’s said by many that the ceo of kohl’s is granted the right of prima nocta
December 26, 2025 at 8:08 PM
it’s said by many that the ceo of kohl’s is granted the right of prima nocta
just defeated a cyclops, and quite easily, too
December 26, 2025 at 8:01 PM
just defeated a cyclops, and quite easily, too
it’s still so awesome that for a brief and beautiful moment, panera bread of all restaurants sold a drink that kills you
December 26, 2025 at 7:55 PM
it’s still so awesome that for a brief and beautiful moment, panera bread of all restaurants sold a drink that kills you
2026 is going to be a great year to give me love, praise and financial compensation
December 26, 2025 at 6:38 PM
2026 is going to be a great year to give me love, praise and financial compensation
in a lot of ways, semen is like the cum of the balls
December 26, 2025 at 6:37 PM
in a lot of ways, semen is like the cum of the balls
i’m being revisited
December 26, 2025 at 6:08 PM
i’m being revisited
once again, another december 26th, which means another day of santa getting home to wonder why all the elves are so exhausted, unaware of their 24 hour suck-and-fuck-a-thon during the one day he’s away
December 26, 2025 at 6:08 PM
once again, another december 26th, which means another day of santa getting home to wonder why all the elves are so exhausted, unaware of their 24 hour suck-and-fuck-a-thon during the one day he’s away
i’m whippin the grinch’s ass with a car antenna
December 26, 2025 at 2:24 AM
i’m whippin the grinch’s ass with a car antenna
bullets have gotta be one of the worst things to be riddled with
December 26, 2025 at 1:48 AM
bullets have gotta be one of the worst things to be riddled with
i love that i’m an incredibly friendly and socially outgoing person irl
December 26, 2025 at 12:47 AM
i love that i’m an incredibly friendly and socially outgoing person irl
gussied status: up!!!
December 26, 2025 at 12:32 AM
gussied status: up!!!
i’m being poured from a carafe
December 26, 2025 at 12:28 AM
i’m being poured from a carafe
Reposted by crimesididntcommit🏳️⚧️
feeling kind of awesome tbh
December 14, 2025 at 12:42 AM
feeling kind of awesome tbh
giant pipes appeared overnight, and everybody’s playing in them
December 26, 2025 at 12:09 AM
giant pipes appeared overnight, and everybody’s playing in them
i am predicting that in 2026, me getting sucked off will make a comeback in a very big way
December 26, 2025 at 12:08 AM
i am predicting that in 2026, me getting sucked off will make a comeback in a very big way
i’m careening down a chute!!!
December 25, 2025 at 11:36 PM
i’m careening down a chute!!!
there’s still time to give me 20-100 dollars for christmas, don’t worry!!!
December 25, 2025 at 11:33 PM
there’s still time to give me 20-100 dollars for christmas, don’t worry!!!
