West Elmo: where Mid-Century Modern meets Sesame Street

I bring a lot to the table, just not food (I can’t cook)

A Very Jurassic Park Christmas featuring the velociwrapper

Seductively pushing buttons (aka using a vending machine)

In my heart is a Christmas tree farm. It’s growing too quickly. The roots are taking over. I might be dying.

You have to be super specific when you ask a taxidermist to bring turkey stuffing on Thanksgiving.

This is my son, Jayson.
And this is my daughter, Jaydaughter.

If we’re dating, know that my mom is checking my instagram posts to see if you’re liking my pictures.

there must be a bug on me
*checks* it’s a hair (does this 10 times)

there must be a hair on me *doesn’t check for for a while*
*finally checks*
oh it’s a spider. fuck.