@craigk328.bsky.social
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Not mine, but that of my biology teacher in school, a bashful incompetent whose idea of teaching reproduction was to read the chapter aloud in high haste, consistently misread it as PUBLIC hair, not correct himself, and refuse to take questions. We had to learn that elsewhere.
February 16, 2026 at 5:20 PM
Not mine, but that of my biology teacher in school, a bashful incompetent whose idea of teaching reproduction was to read the chapter aloud in high haste, consistently misread it as PUBLIC hair, not correct himself, and refuse to take questions. We had to learn that elsewhere.
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My dad drowned when I was small and I don't mind people knowing, but when they go too far and ask details like "How did he drown?" I say "He breathed in too much water" and just look at them to see how uncomfortable they get.
February 16, 2026 at 6:20 PM
My dad drowned when I was small and I don't mind people knowing, but when they go too far and ask details like "How did he drown?" I say "He breathed in too much water" and just look at them to see how uncomfortable they get.
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My husband insists on having photos of the dead relatives in the living room in some sort of shrine. Perhaps he thinks they're still involved with our life somehow. I think it's really fucking creepy
February 16, 2026 at 11:20 AM
My husband insists on having photos of the dead relatives in the living room in some sort of shrine. Perhaps he thinks they're still involved with our life somehow. I think it's really fucking creepy
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I was buying my mum a house plant recently and commented to the woman at the till 'how did house plants survive before there were houses?' She looked at me like I was an absolute idiot and said, 'they are native to warmer countries'. I'm 54.
February 16, 2026 at 1:20 PM
I was buying my mum a house plant recently and commented to the woman at the till 'how did house plants survive before there were houses?' She looked at me like I was an absolute idiot and said, 'they are native to warmer countries'. I'm 54.
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Mrs freaked out at Glastonbury in 2010 and wanted to leave Friday night. Drove us to Bristol and got a swanky hotel room. Played the big saviour, but was secretly buzzing, and got the best night's sleep of my life.
February 16, 2026 at 4:20 PM
Mrs freaked out at Glastonbury in 2010 and wanted to leave Friday night. Drove us to Bristol and got a swanky hotel room. Played the big saviour, but was secretly buzzing, and got the best night's sleep of my life.
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Every time I put on a new TV series to watch, my wife joins me, enjoys it, then stays up all night binging it, whilst I have to sleep. So now I can never watch it again, because she's already seen past what I have. Every bloody time.
February 16, 2026 at 3:20 PM
Every time I put on a new TV series to watch, my wife joins me, enjoys it, then stays up all night binging it, whilst I have to sleep. So now I can never watch it again, because she's already seen past what I have. Every bloody time.
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Every now and then without talking about it, me and my husband get our tabby cat and pretend we are cat show judges. We talk about her stature and get her to stand with her head and tail out, like judges do at cat shows. Then, as if normal, we carry on with our day.
February 15, 2026 at 9:20 PM
Every now and then without talking about it, me and my husband get our tabby cat and pretend we are cat show judges. We talk about her stature and get her to stand with her head and tail out, like judges do at cat shows. Then, as if normal, we carry on with our day.
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Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Glasgow, Leicester, Luton, Leeds & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
February 16, 2026 at 4:25 AM
Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Glasgow, Leicester, Luton, Leeds & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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As kids in the 80s, we were dragged to various work do's of our dad. Kids were put on one table. A clown did annoying tricks at each table. We poked cocktail sticks upright on the spare chair. When he sat on it the adults thought his reaction was part of his act.
February 16, 2026 at 8:20 AM
As kids in the 80s, we were dragged to various work do's of our dad. Kids were put on one table. A clown did annoying tricks at each table. We poked cocktail sticks upright on the spare chair. When he sat on it the adults thought his reaction was part of his act.
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Mrs is a lot more attractive than me. When we go out men stare at her. Doesn't really bother me. What does bother me is the nagging I get every day. Sometimes I wish I was single for the peace but I'm shallow and she is beautiful. And I'd never get someone so pretty ever again.
February 16, 2026 at 9:20 AM
Mrs is a lot more attractive than me. When we go out men stare at her. Doesn't really bother me. What does bother me is the nagging I get every day. Sometimes I wish I was single for the peace but I'm shallow and she is beautiful. And I'd never get someone so pretty ever again.
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Fish fingers, chips & beans four nights in a row. No regrets.
February 15, 2026 at 8:20 PM
Fish fingers, chips & beans four nights in a row. No regrets.
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I'm really annoyed that the 3 digit code on my new debit card is 666 but I obviously can't tell anyone.
February 15, 2026 at 7:20 PM
I'm really annoyed that the 3 digit code on my new debit card is 666 but I obviously can't tell anyone.
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Got caught up in a romance scam. Second date, the scammers sent a different girl but I was so desperate for the company I went along with it.
February 15, 2026 at 12:20 PM
Got caught up in a romance scam. Second date, the scammers sent a different girl but I was so desperate for the company I went along with it.
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Twenty years ago I slept with my best mate's wife, my boss, my wife's cousin and the fit bar-maid from the pub. Thought I was the bee's knees when actually I ruined my life in the space of five months.
February 15, 2026 at 1:20 PM
Twenty years ago I slept with my best mate's wife, my boss, my wife's cousin and the fit bar-maid from the pub. Thought I was the bee's knees when actually I ruined my life in the space of five months.
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I've got my Politics A Level exam this summer and I'm dreading having to write about how elections are won because of a combination of common sense factors while being totally aware it's more because of tinfoil hat-levels of conspiring by stupid rich people
February 15, 2026 at 3:20 PM
I've got my Politics A Level exam this summer and I'm dreading having to write about how elections are won because of a combination of common sense factors while being totally aware it's more because of tinfoil hat-levels of conspiring by stupid rich people
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21yrs old, leaving a pub, and a laughing drunk man punched me randomly. I had no idea how to fight, but threw a wild punch back that he stepped right into and was knocked out. I had a strong feral urge to piss on him. Didn't but still think about how we're just monkeys in shoes.
February 15, 2026 at 5:20 PM
21yrs old, leaving a pub, and a laughing drunk man punched me randomly. I had no idea how to fight, but threw a wild punch back that he stepped right into and was knocked out. I had a strong feral urge to piss on him. Didn't but still think about how we're just monkeys in shoes.
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I rang in sick for work, not because I was ill, but because our cat, who has never once given me a second of affection, fell asleep tucked into my lap. There was no way I was moving anywhere.
February 15, 2026 at 4:20 PM
I rang in sick for work, not because I was ill, but because our cat, who has never once given me a second of affection, fell asleep tucked into my lap. There was no way I was moving anywhere.
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"Fuck cows."
Thanks but we'll pass on that. It plays havoc with your back apparently.
Thanks but we'll pass on that. It plays havoc with your back apparently.
February 14, 2026 at 8:27 PM
"Fuck cows."
Thanks but we'll pass on that. It plays havoc with your back apparently.
Thanks but we'll pass on that. It plays havoc with your back apparently.
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I work in a boutique. A male customer wanted us to gift wrap a scarf and lingerie separately, with cards addressed to different women's names. Nothing new to us. But he'd parked a Tesla, so just before sealing up the boxes I switched the two cards. Serve him right.
February 14, 2026 at 11:20 PM
I work in a boutique. A male customer wanted us to gift wrap a scarf and lingerie separately, with cards addressed to different women's names. Nothing new to us. But he'd parked a Tesla, so just before sealing up the boxes I switched the two cards. Serve him right.
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I have two personas: with my mates I'm a laddish, in my job I'm posh & corporate. It came to a head at a charity ball. I was there with work, & mates there with their work. Had to Mrs Doubtfire it, one minute I'm "hello you cunt", the next I'm "that's a fine Sauvignon, Karen"
February 15, 2026 at 9:20 AM
I have two personas: with my mates I'm a laddish, in my job I'm posh & corporate. It came to a head at a charity ball. I was there with work, & mates there with their work. Had to Mrs Doubtfire it, one minute I'm "hello you cunt", the next I'm "that's a fine Sauvignon, Karen"
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I once lost a job even though I did well at the interview, because when I left the lady said 'see you anon', and I'd never heard that before so I said 'sorry what?' and she said 'anon' and I said 'a what?' and she said 'a...never mind' and then they went with the other candidate.
February 15, 2026 at 11:20 AM
I once lost a job even though I did well at the interview, because when I left the lady said 'see you anon', and I'd never heard that before so I said 'sorry what?' and she said 'anon' and I said 'a what?' and she said 'a...never mind' and then they went with the other candidate.
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I work a job I hate. So to make it more bareable I wipe bogies on door handles & eagerly await people opening, I watch the offence happen, then wait a few minutes before examining the handle, if the bogey is gone, I get a dopamine hit knowing it's on the hand of a degenerate .
February 15, 2026 at 10:20 AM
I work a job I hate. So to make it more bareable I wipe bogies on door handles & eagerly await people opening, I watch the offence happen, then wait a few minutes before examining the handle, if the bogey is gone, I get a dopamine hit knowing it's on the hand of a degenerate .
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When showering in the gym, if my old chap has gone shy, I tug on it. It's a grower not a shower.
February 14, 2026 at 6:20 PM
When showering in the gym, if my old chap has gone shy, I tug on it. It's a grower not a shower.
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I've been listening to Van Morrison's music for over 40 years. Even have a couple of his CDs. It was only yesterday that I found out that "Van" was an abbreviation of his name "Ivan". For over 40 years, I thought it was part of his surname, like "Van Helsing".
February 14, 2026 at 7:20 PM
I've been listening to Van Morrison's music for over 40 years. Even have a couple of his CDs. It was only yesterday that I found out that "Van" was an abbreviation of his name "Ivan". For over 40 years, I thought it was part of his surname, like "Van Helsing".
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I work as crew on food TV shows and have done for years. We eat the food after it's been shown on camera. They always over salt it and never use enough pepper. Grinding pepper takes too long and is boring, so they just do two twists for show. I have a personal pepper grinder.
February 14, 2026 at 1:20 PM
I work as crew on food TV shows and have done for years. We eat the food after it's been shown on camera. They always over salt it and never use enough pepper. Grinding pepper takes too long and is boring, so they just do two twists for show. I have a personal pepper grinder.