@craigk328.bsky.social
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My late Grandad's fess. He turned off the wrong exit on the M6 & tried to reverse back as it was 2am. Other car smashed into him. Just as they were arguing it out the police arrived. Other driver was way over the limit & arrested. Grandad's car got fixed on drunk guys insurance
November 23, 2025 at 6:20 PM
My late Grandad's fess. He turned off the wrong exit on the M6 & tried to reverse back as it was 2am. Other car smashed into him. Just as they were arguing it out the police arrived. Other driver was way over the limit & arrested. Grandad's car got fixed on drunk guys insurance
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Last Christmas I drew the woman who always microwaves fish in the break room for Secret Santa. I bought a second-hand microwave for her office so she could cook it there instead. HR reprimanded me. I'm willing to bet it's because she is in HR.
November 23, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Last Christmas I drew the woman who always microwaves fish in the break room for Secret Santa. I bought a second-hand microwave for her office so she could cook it there instead. HR reprimanded me. I'm willing to bet it's because she is in HR.
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Got selected for my brother's university's University Challenge team. The uni only found out I wasn't a student after we'd been on TV, so they couldn't do anything about it, but they were shitting themselves. Fortunately for them we got knocked out quickly.
November 23, 2025 at 2:20 PM
Got selected for my brother's university's University Challenge team. The uni only found out I wasn't a student after we'd been on TV, so they couldn't do anything about it, but they were shitting themselves. Fortunately for them we got knocked out quickly.
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I work for a well known chain of DIY shops, and sold Katie Hopkins an awful lawnmower. It happened around a fortnight before she declared herself bankrupt, so I like to think that I was the final nail in her financial coffin.
November 23, 2025 at 4:20 PM
I work for a well known chain of DIY shops, and sold Katie Hopkins an awful lawnmower. It happened around a fortnight before she declared herself bankrupt, so I like to think that I was the final nail in her financial coffin.
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I worked at a semi-fancy bar in Los Angeles while at uni. One of my jobs was to shovel ice into the urinals ahead of opening. One day the girl who did the ladies was out so I did those stalls, too. It was later pointed out to me that women might need to shit as well as piss.
November 23, 2025 at 1:20 PM
I worked at a semi-fancy bar in Los Angeles while at uni. One of my jobs was to shovel ice into the urinals ahead of opening. One day the girl who did the ladies was out so I did those stalls, too. It was later pointed out to me that women might need to shit as well as piss.
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Would fiddle with anything as a kid. Visited my uncle who was dying from cancer and saw a community nurse update what I would later find out was a morphine driver. Started pressing all the buttons when she left the room. Uncle died that evening. Think I may have overdosed him.
November 23, 2025 at 9:20 AM
Would fiddle with anything as a kid. Visited my uncle who was dying from cancer and saw a community nurse update what I would later find out was a morphine driver. Started pressing all the buttons when she left the room. Uncle died that evening. Think I may have overdosed him.
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Thinking about changing my pets' vet only because their appointment confirmations say "pleased to confirm tomorrows appointment" and the lack of apostrophe annoys me to no end
November 23, 2025 at 8:20 AM
Thinking about changing my pets' vet only because their appointment confirmations say "pleased to confirm tomorrows appointment" and the lack of apostrophe annoys me to no end
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Fesshole Live is coming your way! Get tickets for Leicester, Luton and Leeds. We’ll also be touring Sweden – Malmö, Göteborg, Stockholm – and doing Anon Opin in Leicester. https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
November 23, 2025 at 7:25 AM
Fesshole Live is coming your way! Get tickets for Leicester, Luton and Leeds. We’ll also be touring Sweden – Malmö, Göteborg, Stockholm – and doing Anon Opin in Leicester. https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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I sleep better when my partner sleeps with me. I tell them it's because their presence relaxes me, but it can't hurt that I don't spend 10-60 minutes on my phone in bed before sleeping when they stay over.
November 22, 2025 at 11:20 PM
I sleep better when my partner sleeps with me. I tell them it's because their presence relaxes me, but it can't hurt that I don't spend 10-60 minutes on my phone in bed before sleeping when they stay over.
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I was the bassist in a well-known group in the 80s to 90s. Decent career. On Ken Bruce's Popmaster, a contestant couldn't name any of our hits. This hurt more than any of the regular kickings we got from those smug fucks at the NME.
November 22, 2025 at 9:20 PM
I was the bassist in a well-known group in the 80s to 90s. Decent career. On Ken Bruce's Popmaster, a contestant couldn't name any of our hits. This hurt more than any of the regular kickings we got from those smug fucks at the NME.
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I once drunkenly slept with a housemate who then decided to make home life pretty toxic. To avoid this I spent most of my evenings at my work desk watching shite on YouTube. I was given two promotions in just over six months.
November 22, 2025 at 7:20 PM
I once drunkenly slept with a housemate who then decided to make home life pretty toxic. To avoid this I spent most of my evenings at my work desk watching shite on YouTube. I was given two promotions in just over six months.
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Mum missed me when I left for uni. I sneaked home as a surprise, and jumped out at her and Dad for a laugh. But this was Northern Ireland in 1993, I was dressed in goth black, and Dad was police. The poor guy thought the IRA had come to kill him. Still feel awful about it.
November 22, 2025 at 10:20 AM
Mum missed me when I left for uni. I sneaked home as a surprise, and jumped out at her and Dad for a laugh. But this was Northern Ireland in 1993, I was dressed in goth black, and Dad was police. The poor guy thought the IRA had come to kill him. Still feel awful about it.
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Window cleaner here, who refuses to use a ladder. Can't stand heights and far too unsafe. So anything I can't reach with an extended pole won't be cleaned. Still take your dough as nobody ever checks
November 22, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Window cleaner here, who refuses to use a ladder. Can't stand heights and far too unsafe. So anything I can't reach with an extended pole won't be cleaned. Still take your dough as nobody ever checks
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We're friends with a family who do the same 3 holidays every year, go to the same restaurant every birthday, go the same takeaway every Friday and order the same food. They just re-enact a handful of life experiences on loop. I don't know why, but it really fucking pisses me off.
November 22, 2025 at 11:20 AM
We're friends with a family who do the same 3 holidays every year, go to the same restaurant every birthday, go the same takeaway every Friday and order the same food. They just re-enact a handful of life experiences on loop. I don't know why, but it really fucking pisses me off.
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I don't know what it is. I don't have any siblings but I'm weirdly attracted to women who could be mistaken for my sister
November 22, 2025 at 1:20 PM
I don't know what it is. I don't have any siblings but I'm weirdly attracted to women who could be mistaken for my sister
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We grant access to the office network. We added a fictitious lady called Morag McTuckus to the directory who we can have 'meetings' with off-site. We also reply to email for her. It's gone undetected for so long we're now considering hiring an actor to play her at the xmas party
November 22, 2025 at 3:20 PM
We grant access to the office network. We added a fictitious lady called Morag McTuckus to the directory who we can have 'meetings' with off-site. We also reply to email for her. It's gone undetected for so long we're now considering hiring an actor to play her at the xmas party
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Had a tantrum after losing a game of Fifa and kicked the wall, leaving a dent in the plasterboard. For some reason my 5 year old told my wife that she had done it while playing and that she was sorry. All was forgiven, I fixed the damage and retired from Fifa at 39 years old.
November 22, 2025 at 6:20 PM
Had a tantrum after losing a game of Fifa and kicked the wall, leaving a dent in the plasterboard. For some reason my 5 year old told my wife that she had done it while playing and that she was sorry. All was forgiven, I fixed the damage and retired from Fifa at 39 years old.
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I was adding crap to my basket on Amazon when I realised I was on my nans account, so switched it to mine. Months later my Nan ordered slippers on there and all of the crap I added to her basket came with them. Now she's banned from online shopping and I can never tell her why.
November 21, 2025 at 11:20 PM
I was adding crap to my basket on Amazon when I realised I was on my nans account, so switched it to mine. Months later my Nan ordered slippers on there and all of the crap I added to her basket came with them. Now she's banned from online shopping and I can never tell her why.
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Saw a photo of myself from 30 years ago, barely brushed my teeth, they were gleaming white and straight, fast forwarded to now, they look like long forgotten tombstones in an abandoned Victorian graveyard. Listen to your dentist folks.
November 22, 2025 at 8:20 AM
Saw a photo of myself from 30 years ago, barely brushed my teeth, they were gleaming white and straight, fast forwarded to now, they look like long forgotten tombstones in an abandoned Victorian graveyard. Listen to your dentist folks.
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Get ready for Fesshole Live! Tickets are out now for Leicester, Luton and Leeds. We’ll also be touring Sweden – Malmö, Göteborg, Stockholm – and doing Anon Opin in Leicester. https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
November 22, 2025 at 7:25 AM
Get ready for Fesshole Live! Tickets are out now for Leicester, Luton and Leeds. We’ll also be touring Sweden – Malmö, Göteborg, Stockholm – and doing Anon Opin in Leicester. https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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November 21, 2025 at 8:38 PM
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X has changed their policy and now you can see where the accounts are based.
Here’s an “influencer from Texas”
Here’s an “influencer from Texas”
November 21, 2025 at 6:36 PM
X has changed their policy and now you can see where the accounts are based.
Here’s an “influencer from Texas”
Here’s an “influencer from Texas”
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Cop. Years ago I was congratulated for catching a particularly slippery, nasty character wanted for assault on his ex. I was walking down a street in uniform with my dog. Guy randomly got down & gave himself up to us. Wasn't even looking for him, was taking the dog for a piss.
November 21, 2025 at 8:20 PM
Cop. Years ago I was congratulated for catching a particularly slippery, nasty character wanted for assault on his ex. I was walking down a street in uniform with my dog. Guy randomly got down & gave himself up to us. Wasn't even looking for him, was taking the dog for a piss.