@craigk328.bsky.social
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Early 2000s, I used WAP to sext with random girls on the same network. Met some proper fit ones and got in the habit of sending personal pics by MMS. Racked up a massive phone bill that got me in a load of debt. Thinking back, I was 100% catfished every time.
February 11, 2026 at 11:20 PM
Early 2000s, I used WAP to sext with random girls on the same network. Met some proper fit ones and got in the habit of sending personal pics by MMS. Racked up a massive phone bill that got me in a load of debt. Thinking back, I was 100% catfished every time.
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When that advert comes on I always sing "some cunt's knocking at the door, some bugger's ringing the bell."
February 11, 2026 at 6:20 PM
When that advert comes on I always sing "some cunt's knocking at the door, some bugger's ringing the bell."
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Jacked off so much, I started writing erotica to at least engage my mind while I beat it. Ended up finding a groove, and made actual money from commissions. Sadly, the AI boom smothered my dream in its cradle.
February 11, 2026 at 1:20 PM
Jacked off so much, I started writing erotica to at least engage my mind while I beat it. Ended up finding a groove, and made actual money from commissions. Sadly, the AI boom smothered my dream in its cradle.
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I have a thing where I have to knock one out to a celebrity that's recently passed away. Kind of like paying respects, in a creepy sorta way. The Queen was a challenge, I won't lie.
February 11, 2026 at 2:20 PM
I have a thing where I have to knock one out to a celebrity that's recently passed away. Kind of like paying respects, in a creepy sorta way. The Queen was a challenge, I won't lie.
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Was massively constipated at work. Went to toilet and resorted to putting two fingers inside to break up the rock hard tangerine sized ball of faeces that was blocking the passage. Very painful experience. Washed hands and got a round of teas and coffees in.
February 11, 2026 at 4:20 PM
Was massively constipated at work. Went to toilet and resorted to putting two fingers inside to break up the rock hard tangerine sized ball of faeces that was blocking the passage. Very painful experience. Washed hands and got a round of teas and coffees in.
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I write a lot of IT project scoping documents. When I'm doing slide 17, I always sing "Give me, give me, give me deliverables" to the tune of "Deliverance" by goth-rock funsters The Mission.
February 10, 2026 at 10:20 PM
I write a lot of IT project scoping documents. When I'm doing slide 17, I always sing "Give me, give me, give me deliverables" to the tune of "Deliverance" by goth-rock funsters The Mission.
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Today whilst visiting an elderly relative at their care home, I noticed that the person before me on the sign in sheet had written K.Shipman. While signing out, I changed the K to a H.
February 11, 2026 at 9:20 AM
Today whilst visiting an elderly relative at their care home, I noticed that the person before me on the sign in sheet had written K.Shipman. While signing out, I changed the K to a H.
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Was going away for four months and my new girlfriend wanted to get me a present. I asked for a nice photo of her I could have in my room. Her ex was a photographer, so she got him to do one. It made her look terrible, and I'm sure he did it on purpose. Left it in my bag.
February 10, 2026 at 2:20 PM
Was going away for four months and my new girlfriend wanted to get me a present. I asked for a nice photo of her I could have in my room. Her ex was a photographer, so she got him to do one. It made her look terrible, and I'm sure he did it on purpose. Left it in my bag.
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I feed my toenails to the dog and my earwax to the cat, thought nothing of it as we all do it in my family. First time my girlfriend saw this, she mental apeshit and dumped me.
February 10, 2026 at 3:20 PM
I feed my toenails to the dog and my earwax to the cat, thought nothing of it as we all do it in my family. First time my girlfriend saw this, she mental apeshit and dumped me.
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Scratched my glasses. Told the wife I don't know how. It was trying to get the last dregs out of a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle, and the rim scuffed my lens. £130 repair. Lesson: Don't rim bad boys.
February 10, 2026 at 5:20 PM
Scratched my glasses. Told the wife I don't know how. It was trying to get the last dregs out of a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle, and the rim scuffed my lens. £130 repair. Lesson: Don't rim bad boys.
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I have two dogs, one is so greedy it eats the other one's shit and also when it's sick, laps that up too. Grim, but saves me picking it up.
February 10, 2026 at 6:20 PM
I have two dogs, one is so greedy it eats the other one's shit and also when it's sick, laps that up too. Grim, but saves me picking it up.
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I work at the Golden Arches. If you are a twat to me, I will ask your child for their order number, so I "can go check on it." When they tell me I will always say "you sure it's not 6-7?" Sets them off everytime, and I smile inwardly at the parents annoyed faces.
February 10, 2026 at 8:20 PM
I work at the Golden Arches. If you are a twat to me, I will ask your child for their order number, so I "can go check on it." When they tell me I will always say "you sure it's not 6-7?" Sets them off everytime, and I smile inwardly at the parents annoyed faces.
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Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Glasgow, Leicester, Luton, Leeds & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
February 10, 2026 at 4:25 AM
Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Glasgow, Leicester, Luton, Leeds & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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I was so pissed off with the nib that came with this otherwise good fountain pen that I've decided to brush off my O-Level metalwork skills and make my own. Just spec'd up a shed. This is going to cost me north of £10k but I'll show those bastards at Bock.
February 10, 2026 at 9:20 AM
I was so pissed off with the nib that came with this otherwise good fountain pen that I've decided to brush off my O-Level metalwork skills and make my own. Just spec'd up a shed. This is going to cost me north of £10k but I'll show those bastards at Bock.
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Bathed the dog and told my partner it was because she got muddy on a field. Truth was I accidentally pissed on her head when she snook in the toilet and put her head between my legs mid flow.
February 9, 2026 at 8:20 PM
Bathed the dog and told my partner it was because she got muddy on a field. Truth was I accidentally pissed on her head when she snook in the toilet and put her head between my legs mid flow.
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Both my parents have been deaf from birth. When we were kids my brother and I hated it when they hoovered because we couldn't hear the TV so we used to unplug the hoover while they used it. It always took a long time for them to realise as the floor was clean anyway.
February 9, 2026 at 1:20 PM
Both my parents have been deaf from birth. When we were kids my brother and I hated it when they hoovered because we couldn't hear the TV so we used to unplug the hoover while they used it. It always took a long time for them to realise as the floor was clean anyway.
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In 3rd year seniors we went to a resource place called the "Europa Centre" where you could roleplay languages in a fake highstreet. I knew about the Minitel "pink lines" online porn so in the PTT I tried sexting in French by dialing "3615 Kiss". Must have cost the council a bomb.
February 9, 2026 at 3:20 PM
In 3rd year seniors we went to a resource place called the "Europa Centre" where you could roleplay languages in a fake highstreet. I knew about the Minitel "pink lines" online porn so in the PTT I tried sexting in French by dialing "3615 Kiss". Must have cost the council a bomb.
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Dry January. Went into a Brewdog pub and ordered a pint of 'Punk as fuck' barmaid looked at me highly confused. Supping my pint I then realised that Punk AF probably meant alcohol free.
February 8, 2026 at 11:20 PM
Dry January. Went into a Brewdog pub and ordered a pint of 'Punk as fuck' barmaid looked at me highly confused. Supping my pint I then realised that Punk AF probably meant alcohol free.
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Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Glasgow, Leicester, Luton, Leeds & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
February 9, 2026 at 4:25 AM
Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Glasgow, Leicester, Luton, Leeds & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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I weigh myself before and after taking a shit then log the resulting daily shit weight in a little book. I have ten years data on my output which I regularly analyse. Otherwise I'm a regular guy, Conservative Parish Councillor and justice of the peace
February 8, 2026 at 7:20 PM
I weigh myself before and after taking a shit then log the resulting daily shit weight in a little book. I have ten years data on my output which I regularly analyse. Otherwise I'm a regular guy, Conservative Parish Councillor and justice of the peace
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My wife was concerned about the large lumps her beloved pet rat developed near the base of his tail. She wouldn't believe me and had to have the vet diagnose them as ordinary testicles. My fess is that despite reassuring her otherwise I still think this was a tiny bit stupid.
February 8, 2026 at 8:20 PM
My wife was concerned about the large lumps her beloved pet rat developed near the base of his tail. She wouldn't believe me and had to have the vet diagnose them as ordinary testicles. My fess is that despite reassuring her otherwise I still think this was a tiny bit stupid.
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I met a Tinder date on a foreign holiday and lied to her that I was solo travelling so I would seem cool and sophisticated. This worked, until she bumped into one of my parents while leaving my hotel room in the morning. I am 33.
February 8, 2026 at 12:20 PM
I met a Tinder date on a foreign holiday and lied to her that I was solo travelling so I would seem cool and sophisticated. This worked, until she bumped into one of my parents while leaving my hotel room in the morning. I am 33.