The vibes are always off when the humans try to take a photo of anything not me. What were they doing before I entered the frame? Emptying the purse looking for something useful like carry-on-tuna? A makeup tutorial that neglects licking your paw and rubbing your eyebrows for that nude grey look?

I love myself today, just like yesterday. Pest Control tried to come by unannounced. It was unnecessary, I already have the humans under control. But in trying times, those of courage will step up, so I scared the human away with my piercing meows. You can repay my bravery with bowlside tributes.

Rumors and gossip are a horrible virus to spread. Worm-tongued litterfingery humans will tell lies about how I may have eaten a moth off the wall. Poppycockers, I say. I am a cat of standards, and if (if!) I would do such a thing, the insect would have deserved said toothy form of cancel culture

People have waited months for this special event, the day in which I would present my front right paw. My starboard side paw that leaves stars in your eyes. The heartbreaker pose, that leaves your significant other quaking in fear that they will be dumped in favor of pictures of me. Revel now. #cats

Remember, good mental health is sustained through regularly airing out the nips. Will help you achieve clarity in your goals. My depicted goal here is world unity and some damn salmon already.
#catsofbluesky

Humans these days...my name is Coco Bean Chanel XIIIth, and my interests are
👍Tuna
👍Salmon
👍Chicken
👍Treats, as reward for the positive behavior of me existing
👍Occupying public spaces
👍Sitting on important things
🥵Humans annoying me
👍Being a beauty influencer
👍Hating humans
👍myself duuuh

When choosing social media apps to sign up for, you must treat them like I treat the sofa. You must take centre stage/cushion, and outstretch your limbs as to restrict human space. By making sitting next to you an ordeal, you strengthen your comfort and your brand.