Clay Newman
@claynewmancomedy.bsky.social
www.ClayNewmanComedy.com for clips and upcoming shows
Patriot Front members are basically couches. They get covered in sheets, they travel in U-Hauls, and JD Vance is inside them.
May 26, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Patriot Front members are basically couches. They get covered in sheets, they travel in U-Hauls, and JD Vance is inside them.
Took the Oppenheimer walking tour while here in New Mexico. I didn’t learn much, but I did get to watch the guide slip in and out of a bunch of random women and an Irish accent for 3 and a half hours.
May 2, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Took the Oppenheimer walking tour while here in New Mexico. I didn’t learn much, but I did get to watch the guide slip in and out of a bunch of random women and an Irish accent for 3 and a half hours.
Checks Bluesky. Continues having zero engagement. Closes Bluesky.
April 24, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Checks Bluesky. Continues having zero engagement. Closes Bluesky.
Merry 420 to all, and to all a where’s my keys.
April 20, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Merry 420 to all, and to all a where’s my keys.
Trump is freezing funding to Harvard unless they agree to only hire white people, and I’m genuinely not sure which of those two things would make Harvard worse.
April 17, 2025 at 4:31 PM
Trump is freezing funding to Harvard unless they agree to only hire white people, and I’m genuinely not sure which of those two things would make Harvard worse.
more songs should start with "gunter glieben glauten globen"
April 4, 2025 at 3:55 AM
more songs should start with "gunter glieben glauten globen"
Baseball announcers are like “this is the first time in Blue Jays history that a left handed batter from the Dominican Republic has hit 5 singles off breaking balls from right handed pitchers over 6’4” during their first 7 day games in the post-9/11 era.”
April 1, 2025 at 9:36 PM
Baseball announcers are like “this is the first time in Blue Jays history that a left handed batter from the Dominican Republic has hit 5 singles off breaking balls from right handed pitchers over 6’4” during their first 7 day games in the post-9/11 era.”
“Libs used to like Musk and now they don’t like Musk!!!”
Correct. It’s called judging someone on their actions instead of blindly supporting them. Try it.
Correct. It’s called judging someone on their actions instead of blindly supporting them. Try it.
March 24, 2025 at 1:26 AM
“Libs used to like Musk and now they don’t like Musk!!!”
Correct. It’s called judging someone on their actions instead of blindly supporting them. Try it.
Correct. It’s called judging someone on their actions instead of blindly supporting them. Try it.
Fine dining is mostly just proteins that were historically relegated to poor people, prepared as if it was being served in a 1980’s sci-fi film.
March 18, 2025 at 4:20 PM
Fine dining is mostly just proteins that were historically relegated to poor people, prepared as if it was being served in a 1980’s sci-fi film.
Adrien Brody is just now finishing his Oscar acceptance speech.
March 3, 2025 at 5:18 PM
Adrien Brody is just now finishing his Oscar acceptance speech.
Trump doesn’t want peace. He wants to give sovereign land to Russia and Israel. If you think an occupation is the same thing as peace, then you are the simple fascist that everyone thought you were.
March 1, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Trump doesn’t want peace. He wants to give sovereign land to Russia and Israel. If you think an occupation is the same thing as peace, then you are the simple fascist that everyone thought you were.
I have a bathroom scale, but it’s just to see how much I weigh before and after pooping.
February 28, 2025 at 4:26 PM
I have a bathroom scale, but it’s just to see how much I weigh before and after pooping.
I’m constantly thinking “I can act better than that” when I watch TV, but that’s only because Tom Brady is in 17 commercials right now.
January 23, 2025 at 5:19 PM
I’m constantly thinking “I can act better than that” when I watch TV, but that’s only because Tom Brady is in 17 commercials right now.
As a Prius owner, I’d like to extend a heartfelt thanks to the Tesla community for decidedly taking over our role as the least competent drivers.
December 15, 2024 at 11:49 PM
As a Prius owner, I’d like to extend a heartfelt thanks to the Tesla community for decidedly taking over our role as the least competent drivers.
Anyone who says British food is bad has clearly never tried Indian curry.
December 14, 2024 at 5:41 PM
Anyone who says British food is bad has clearly never tried Indian curry.
People say baseball is boring, but would a boring game have more than one team named after socks?
December 12, 2024 at 6:15 PM
People say baseball is boring, but would a boring game have more than one team named after socks?
Regardless of how you feel about Luigi Mangione, we can all agree that prison body is gonna be fire.
December 10, 2024 at 6:29 PM
Regardless of how you feel about Luigi Mangione, we can all agree that prison body is gonna be fire.
“Geriatric pregnancy” is why you can’t let 22 year old med students name things.
December 9, 2024 at 5:12 PM
“Geriatric pregnancy” is why you can’t let 22 year old med students name things.
I’ve been listening to Dualipa for months and I still can’t speak a word of Italian.
December 8, 2024 at 2:18 AM
I’ve been listening to Dualipa for months and I still can’t speak a word of Italian.
Wow, $50k to turn in Brian Thompson’s killer? Thats almost enough to pay for part of a life saving surgery.
December 7, 2024 at 4:12 PM
Wow, $50k to turn in Brian Thompson’s killer? Thats almost enough to pay for part of a life saving surgery.
Wow, $50k to turn in Brian Thompson’s killer? Thats almost enough to pay for part of a life saving surgery.
December 7, 2024 at 4:08 PM
Wow, $50k to turn in Brian Thompson’s killer? Thats almost enough to pay for part of a life saving surgery.
I’m glad the anti government/pro free speech people are all for banning TikTok and giving the Twitter guy control of our government.
December 6, 2024 at 11:18 PM
I’m glad the anti government/pro free speech people are all for banning TikTok and giving the Twitter guy control of our government.
It’s terrible when insurance execs get assassinated because it usually has to happen pretty quickly.
December 5, 2024 at 1:00 AM
It’s terrible when insurance execs get assassinated because it usually has to happen pretty quickly.
About to pay hundred of dollars for a sleep study instead of just acknowledging that I shouldn’t watch Korean zombie movies right before bed.
December 3, 2024 at 3:09 AM
About to pay hundred of dollars for a sleep study instead of just acknowledging that I shouldn’t watch Korean zombie movies right before bed.
Trump supporters think this guy used to share their views 🤦♂️
December 2, 2024 at 10:00 PM
Trump supporters think this guy used to share their views 🤦♂️