Clare (The Amazon)
@claretheamazon.bsky.social
I'm pretty tall. I'm an ACSM-certified personal trainer. I like leftist politics, Pokemon, and good books. I can read Italian semi-adequately. I have ADHD.
The Odyssey Summarized, Books 15-16:
Telemachus: hai I'm back
Eumaeus: OMG YAY I'll tell ur mom, the suitors wanna kill u btw
Odysseus: [morphs into Black dude] SON!
T: ...DAD?! [weeping, hugs]
O: we gotta fuckin kill these suitors kiddo
T: there are 118 of them
O: bitch I am MF'n ODYSSEUS
Telemachus: hai I'm back
Eumaeus: OMG YAY I'll tell ur mom, the suitors wanna kill u btw
Odysseus: [morphs into Black dude] SON!
T: ...DAD?! [weeping, hugs]
O: we gotta fuckin kill these suitors kiddo
T: there are 118 of them
O: bitch I am MF'n ODYSSEUS
February 17, 2026 at 3:40 AM
The Odyssey Summarized, Books 15-16:
Telemachus: hai I'm back
Eumaeus: OMG YAY I'll tell ur mom, the suitors wanna kill u btw
Odysseus: [morphs into Black dude] SON!
T: ...DAD?! [weeping, hugs]
O: we gotta fuckin kill these suitors kiddo
T: there are 118 of them
O: bitch I am MF'n ODYSSEUS
Telemachus: hai I'm back
Eumaeus: OMG YAY I'll tell ur mom, the suitors wanna kill u btw
Odysseus: [morphs into Black dude] SON!
T: ...DAD?! [weeping, hugs]
O: we gotta fuckin kill these suitors kiddo
T: there are 118 of them
O: bitch I am MF'n ODYSSEUS
I feel like this Netflix docuseries could be used to clinically diagnose Tyra Banks with narcissistic personality disorder.
February 17, 2026 at 2:47 AM
I feel like this Netflix docuseries could be used to clinically diagnose Tyra Banks with narcissistic personality disorder.
The Odyssey Summarized, Book 14:
Disguised Odysseus: hai halp
Eumaeus: I'm so sad my master Odysseus is dead + gone + Telemachus will be killed by his mom's suitors
DO: bet O'll be back next week
E: yeah right, who r u?
DO: to tell the truth, [lies whole fuckin ass off]
E: yeah ok [gives food]
Disguised Odysseus: hai halp
Eumaeus: I'm so sad my master Odysseus is dead + gone + Telemachus will be killed by his mom's suitors
DO: bet O'll be back next week
E: yeah right, who r u?
DO: to tell the truth, [lies whole fuckin ass off]
E: yeah ok [gives food]
February 16, 2026 at 11:35 PM
The Odyssey Summarized, Book 14:
Disguised Odysseus: hai halp
Eumaeus: I'm so sad my master Odysseus is dead + gone + Telemachus will be killed by his mom's suitors
DO: bet O'll be back next week
E: yeah right, who r u?
DO: to tell the truth, [lies whole fuckin ass off]
E: yeah ok [gives food]
Disguised Odysseus: hai halp
Eumaeus: I'm so sad my master Odysseus is dead + gone + Telemachus will be killed by his mom's suitors
DO: bet O'll be back next week
E: yeah right, who r u?
DO: to tell the truth, [lies whole fuckin ass off]
E: yeah ok [gives food]
The Odyssey Summarized, Book 13:
King Alcinous: OMG what a crazy story, let's sail you home to Ithaca, you god among men you
O: thx
Phaeacians: [drop him off, return home]
Poseidon: fuck THOSE guys [turns ship to stone]
Athena: hai O, I'll disguise you as an old man before you go home, for lolz
King Alcinous: OMG what a crazy story, let's sail you home to Ithaca, you god among men you
O: thx
Phaeacians: [drop him off, return home]
Poseidon: fuck THOSE guys [turns ship to stone]
Athena: hai O, I'll disguise you as an old man before you go home, for lolz
February 16, 2026 at 11:16 PM
The Odyssey Summarized, Book 13:
King Alcinous: OMG what a crazy story, let's sail you home to Ithaca, you god among men you
O: thx
Phaeacians: [drop him off, return home]
Poseidon: fuck THOSE guys [turns ship to stone]
Athena: hai O, I'll disguise you as an old man before you go home, for lolz
King Alcinous: OMG what a crazy story, let's sail you home to Ithaca, you god among men you
O: thx
Phaeacians: [drop him off, return home]
Poseidon: fuck THOSE guys [turns ship to stone]
Athena: hai O, I'll disguise you as an old man before you go home, for lolz
"Why would ANYONE want to do an Ironman triathlon?!"
"Because then you can get an Ironman logo tattoo and everyone will think you're a god."
"...Oh yeah, that WOULD be awesome."
"Because then you can get an Ironman logo tattoo and everyone will think you're a god."
"...Oh yeah, that WOULD be awesome."
February 16, 2026 at 7:34 PM
"Why would ANYONE want to do an Ironman triathlon?!"
"Because then you can get an Ironman logo tattoo and everyone will think you're a god."
"...Oh yeah, that WOULD be awesome."
"Because then you can get an Ironman logo tattoo and everyone will think you're a god."
"...Oh yeah, that WOULD be awesome."
Bonded with the Gen Z barista at Scooters over RuPaul's song "Peanut Butter," the kids are alright.
February 16, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Bonded with the Gen Z barista at Scooters over RuPaul's song "Peanut Butter," the kids are alright.
Guys I am soooo embarrassed, in my Odyssey Summarized I have accidentally written King Alcinous as King Antinous, in my defense WAY too many of these motherfuckers have names that are off by a single consonant cluster so it was bound to happen.
February 16, 2026 at 2:23 PM
Guys I am soooo embarrassed, in my Odyssey Summarized I have accidentally written King Alcinous as King Antinous, in my defense WAY too many of these motherfuckers have names that are off by a single consonant cluster so it was bound to happen.
Men justify listening to podcast bro dating advice with, "if you want to catch a fish, you don't ask the fish for advice, you ask the fisherman." Which is the most DOGSHIT thing I've ever heard. You don't ask fish because FISH DON'T TALK. 1/3
February 16, 2026 at 2:05 PM
Men justify listening to podcast bro dating advice with, "if you want to catch a fish, you don't ask the fish for advice, you ask the fisherman." Which is the most DOGSHIT thing I've ever heard. You don't ask fish because FISH DON'T TALK. 1/3
The Odyssey Summarized, Books 11-12:
Odysseus (cont'd): so I talked to dead folks and Circe, and passed Sirens, and Scylla ate my men, then all we had to do was not kill any cows so naturally my men killed a cow, and Zeus sent a storm and that's how I ended up a sex slave to Calypso [deep breath]
Odysseus (cont'd): so I talked to dead folks and Circe, and passed Sirens, and Scylla ate my men, then all we had to do was not kill any cows so naturally my men killed a cow, and Zeus sent a storm and that's how I ended up a sex slave to Calypso [deep breath]
February 16, 2026 at 2:38 AM
The Odyssey Summarized, Books 11-12:
Odysseus (cont'd): so I talked to dead folks and Circe, and passed Sirens, and Scylla ate my men, then all we had to do was not kill any cows so naturally my men killed a cow, and Zeus sent a storm and that's how I ended up a sex slave to Calypso [deep breath]
Odysseus (cont'd): so I talked to dead folks and Circe, and passed Sirens, and Scylla ate my men, then all we had to do was not kill any cows so naturally my men killed a cow, and Zeus sent a storm and that's how I ended up a sex slave to Calypso [deep breath]
The nerds are gathering tomorrow.for GMax Meowth PURELY ironically. This oughta be fun.
February 14, 2026 at 11:09 PM
The nerds are gathering tomorrow.for GMax Meowth PURELY ironically. This oughta be fun.
My Enamorous haul was crap but I got two shiny Furfrou! (One was from a lucky trade but still)
February 14, 2026 at 9:45 PM
My Enamorous haul was crap but I got two shiny Furfrou! (One was from a lucky trade but still)
The biopic is the absolute worst genre of film, no I will not be accepting rebuttals
February 14, 2026 at 4:16 PM
The biopic is the absolute worst genre of film, no I will not be accepting rebuttals
Trying to do my first remote trade and...I am so sorry. I like this person, they send fun gift/sticker combos, but they have tagged EIGHT POKEMON for remote trades, and none of them are shiny, or interesting. Look at this list. WTF. I have over 350 Pokemon tagged and they chose three rare ones.
February 13, 2026 at 11:03 PM
Trying to do my first remote trade and...I am so sorry. I like this person, they send fun gift/sticker combos, but they have tagged EIGHT POKEMON for remote trades, and none of them are shiny, or interesting. Look at this list. WTF. I have over 350 Pokemon tagged and they chose three rare ones.
No joke, today there was a NYT crossword clue about a goddess that turned men into pigs, and I knew it was Circe because I literally JUST read that part of The Odyssey last night before bed. Reading is indeed fundamental.
February 13, 2026 at 5:37 PM
No joke, today there was a NYT crossword clue about a goddess that turned men into pigs, and I knew it was Circe because I literally JUST read that part of The Odyssey last night before bed. Reading is indeed fundamental.
The Odyssey Summarized, Books 9-10:
Odysseus: [deep breath] I sacked cities and they got MAD then a Cyclops ate my men then I sailed 10 days just to be pushed back where I started then giants ate my men and ANOTHER goddess took me as a sex slave and turned my men into pigs and WAIT THERE'S MORE 😭
Odysseus: [deep breath] I sacked cities and they got MAD then a Cyclops ate my men then I sailed 10 days just to be pushed back where I started then giants ate my men and ANOTHER goddess took me as a sex slave and turned my men into pigs and WAIT THERE'S MORE 😭
February 13, 2026 at 11:26 AM
The Odyssey Summarized, Books 9-10:
Odysseus: [deep breath] I sacked cities and they got MAD then a Cyclops ate my men then I sailed 10 days just to be pushed back where I started then giants ate my men and ANOTHER goddess took me as a sex slave and turned my men into pigs and WAIT THERE'S MORE 😭
Odysseus: [deep breath] I sacked cities and they got MAD then a Cyclops ate my men then I sailed 10 days just to be pushed back where I started then giants ate my men and ANOTHER goddess took me as a sex slave and turned my men into pigs and WAIT THERE'S MORE 😭
This guy talking about how he lost his virginity like "The Notebook" is seriously giving me the ick. #LoveIsBlind
February 12, 2026 at 10:34 PM
This guy talking about how he lost his virginity like "The Notebook" is seriously giving me the ick. #LoveIsBlind
The Odyssey Summarized, Book 8:
Antinous: party! 🎉
Bard: [sings Odysseus' trauma]
O: [SOBBING]
A: hey man... LET'S DO FEATS OF STRENGTH
Guys: this guy sucks he can't do this shit
O: I HAVE TRAUMA YOU PRICKS
A: GUYS STOP, sexy stranger tell us ur story
O: okay hookers BUCKLE UP it's long.
Antinous: party! 🎉
Bard: [sings Odysseus' trauma]
O: [SOBBING]
A: hey man... LET'S DO FEATS OF STRENGTH
Guys: this guy sucks he can't do this shit
O: I HAVE TRAUMA YOU PRICKS
A: GUYS STOP, sexy stranger tell us ur story
O: okay hookers BUCKLE UP it's long.
February 12, 2026 at 4:22 PM
The Odyssey Summarized, Book 8:
Antinous: party! 🎉
Bard: [sings Odysseus' trauma]
O: [SOBBING]
A: hey man... LET'S DO FEATS OF STRENGTH
Guys: this guy sucks he can't do this shit
O: I HAVE TRAUMA YOU PRICKS
A: GUYS STOP, sexy stranger tell us ur story
O: okay hookers BUCKLE UP it's long.
Antinous: party! 🎉
Bard: [sings Odysseus' trauma]
O: [SOBBING]
A: hey man... LET'S DO FEATS OF STRENGTH
Guys: this guy sucks he can't do this shit
O: I HAVE TRAUMA YOU PRICKS
A: GUYS STOP, sexy stranger tell us ur story
O: okay hookers BUCKLE UP it's long.
Just saw a comment online by a man that said "when I get older and need a colonoscopy, I'm going to pick a female doctor, for obvious reasons." WHAT. WHAT OBVIOUS REASONS. SIR. IS YOUR CONCERN THAT HAVING A MALE DOCTOR DO YOUR COLONOSCOPY IS GAAAAAY?!
a man sitting on a couch holding a miller lite can
ALT: a man sitting on a couch holding a miller lite can
media.tenor.com
February 11, 2026 at 10:04 PM
Just saw a comment online by a man that said "when I get older and need a colonoscopy, I'm going to pick a female doctor, for obvious reasons." WHAT. WHAT OBVIOUS REASONS. SIR. IS YOUR CONCERN THAT HAVING A MALE DOCTOR DO YOUR COLONOSCOPY IS GAAAAAY?!
Jill Zarin with the AUDACITY to claim that Lady Gaga got a facelift and is "unrecognizable," BITCH, you (has-been never-was Jill Zarin) look like that skin-face thing with a season one Drag Race filter on it.
February 11, 2026 at 8:50 PM
Jill Zarin with the AUDACITY to claim that Lady Gaga got a facelift and is "unrecognizable," BITCH, you (has-been never-was Jill Zarin) look like that skin-face thing with a season one Drag Race filter on it.
I got a free booster pack of Final Fantasy MTG cards with my FF7 Remake Switch2 purchase, and I am sending it to my older brother. Apparently one of the cards (Nibelheim Aflame) is pretty rare and valuable, so I guess I'm just the BEST SISTER IN HUMAN HISTORY
a woman wearing a gold top and earrings is sitting in front of a blue background .
ALT: a woman wearing a gold top and earrings is sitting in front of a blue background .
media.tenor.com
February 11, 2026 at 4:12 PM
I got a free booster pack of Final Fantasy MTG cards with my FF7 Remake Switch2 purchase, and I am sending it to my older brother. Apparently one of the cards (Nibelheim Aflame) is pretty rare and valuable, so I guess I'm just the BEST SISTER IN HUMAN HISTORY
The Odyssey Summarized, Books 6-7:
Nausicaa: OMG a naked man!
Odysseus: hey there, groovy chick
N: ooh, take these clothes and meet my dad, King Antinous of Phaeacia
O: hey dude, your daughter is hot
KAoP: you sexy bastard, take my finest ship and oarsmen, I am low-key obsessed with you
O: thx
Nausicaa: OMG a naked man!
Odysseus: hey there, groovy chick
N: ooh, take these clothes and meet my dad, King Antinous of Phaeacia
O: hey dude, your daughter is hot
KAoP: you sexy bastard, take my finest ship and oarsmen, I am low-key obsessed with you
O: thx
February 11, 2026 at 3:01 PM
The Odyssey Summarized, Books 6-7:
Nausicaa: OMG a naked man!
Odysseus: hey there, groovy chick
N: ooh, take these clothes and meet my dad, King Antinous of Phaeacia
O: hey dude, your daughter is hot
KAoP: you sexy bastard, take my finest ship and oarsmen, I am low-key obsessed with you
O: thx
Nausicaa: OMG a naked man!
Odysseus: hey there, groovy chick
N: ooh, take these clothes and meet my dad, King Antinous of Phaeacia
O: hey dude, your daughter is hot
KAoP: you sexy bastard, take my finest ship and oarsmen, I am low-key obsessed with you
O: thx
Podcast Bros: OMG feminists are so mad that we don't want to date them LOLOL sorry sluts we want TRADITIONAL WOMEN
Feminists, now that podcast bros leave us alone:
Feminists, now that podcast bros leave us alone:
an older woman in a purple dress is dancing in front of a tv screen that says tv land
ALT: an older woman in a purple dress is dancing in front of a tv screen that says tv land
media.tenor.com
February 10, 2026 at 10:26 PM
Podcast Bros: OMG feminists are so mad that we don't want to date them LOLOL sorry sluts we want TRADITIONAL WOMEN
Feminists, now that podcast bros leave us alone:
Feminists, now that podcast bros leave us alone:
I could do any Winter Olympics event...ONCE. (75% would result in my death, 24% in humiliation or injury, and the last 1% is curling, which I would simply suck at.)
February 10, 2026 at 10:18 PM
I could do any Winter Olympics event...ONCE. (75% would result in my death, 24% in humiliation or injury, and the last 1% is curling, which I would simply suck at.)
I gave my (lone) shiny Furfrou the Heart trim and it's magnificent. 10/10, no notes. #PokemonGo
February 10, 2026 at 6:58 PM
I gave my (lone) shiny Furfrou the Heart trim and it's magnificent. 10/10, no notes. #PokemonGo