fibromyalgia is so stupid.
like?
it’s is the epitome of a Vicious Cycle™.
“Pain causes fatigue, fatigue disrupts activity during the day, lack of activity exacerbates pain, pain disrupts sleep, lack of/increased sleep exacerbates pain, pain exacerbates the fatigue, fatigue disrupts-“

anyway. once again spent an entire day in bed because of a migraine. even with meds to manage this, this is still something that happens.

it’s still disabling. it sucks.

been a hot minute since i posted here. everything going has caused my anxiety and fatigue to overwhelm me beyond what I was prepared to handle.
this is just an alt obviously but it’s for the physical issues i have so like. The Irony, y’know?

Migraines are debilitating.

Sometimes, when I’m fine, I forget. I think it’s because I feel so guilty for saying I have any health problems that are debilitating. Like I’m “not allowed”. But they’re debilitating.

Even now with meds that work more often than not, I still have many bad days…

if i could, i’d just lay in bed. i feel exhausted, my head hurts (likely a migraine…), had an awful dream (probably from the migraine) and i just don’t want to Person™.

however i’m 🩸ing everywhere so i have to get up soon. ish…

(migraine didn’t cause the 🩸 fyi. probably other way around tho..)

I miss my apartment. I miss living in a city/town where almost everything I needed was in walking distance, including my job. I miss being able to go where I wanted, when I wanted, and do what I wanted in my own space.

I just don’t miss that the job I had was hurting me physically and mentally…

it’s actually so weird to to grow up wondering “am i/was i experiencing gaslighting? I’m not sure..” only to end up in and then get out of a different situation and go “OH! So THIS was gaslighting 😶….”

and the thing is, whether or not it’s a matter of needing “MORE” sleep or just that the sleep I’m able to get is always awful because of my pain and other issues so i “have to” sleep longer to make up for it is irrelevant.
the point is My Body IS, In Fact, “Weird”. I Do, In Fact, “Need More Sleep”.

feeling Not Great™ and, as i do when feeling like this, thinking about An Individual who confidently and condescendingly stated to my face “You don’t have some weird body that needs more sleep than other people” one of the (many) times tried to explain, near tears, my symptoms and limitations…

“if no laugh, then cry 👍”

#fibromyalgia #chronicillness #chronicillnesshumor

not necessarily about my “chronic” stuff as much as my “mental” stuff but like.
it’s fckin wild how like. all the signs of me being The Scapegoat are obvious (in hindsight) but any time it’s been brought up w/ The Others, they want to deny any of the signs/things that happened and/or claim THEY- [+]

*gets a migraine*

haha!! sick twenty one pilots reference!

I’ve had two doctors now say something that basically amounts to “you have fibromyalgia but we aren’t going to officially call it that” and as frustrating as that is, because it’s basically dangling an official, labeled diagnosis in front of my face and then putting it behind a glass wall, the- [+]

it’s so weird and awful knowing how badly I need my migraine meds. any time I’m unable to have my rescue meds for whatever reason and I have to just deal with the debilitating symptoms I remember what it was like when I didn’t have meds at all and I don’t know if/how I could live like that again.

like…
a cold is bad enough.
a migraine is bad enough.
general pain/fatigue is bad enough.
a period is bad enough.

but sure i guess for some pizzazz we can do all of that at the same time just to be quirky or whatever.

having a basic cold probably wouldn’t feel so miserable if i
1) didn’t have chronic migraines that got triggered by [insert basically anything??]
2) had the rescue med FOR the migraines
3) didn’t have “Sounds Like Fibromyalgia But Let’s Be Secret About It And Not Call It Fibromyalgia”