I'm never doing normal shit in my friend's dreams

THIS JUST IN
College dropout mom that never had a real job mad at me for college and job

Using a bidet feels like somebody is tagging up your asshole but I fuck with it

Pussy got me obtuse

There she was. Slopping, toppily.

This might be my laziest take but if I had the option I would get a saline drip built into my couch that I could just hook into instead of drinking water all the time

Put a little heroin in my brain jar

I'm not a glass half full or half empty kind of guy, more like a "I can't find the glass because you didn't give me clear enough instructions" kinda guy

Wild that humans have been around for so long I definitely would've been shitcanned at age 4 in 200,000BC