Bob Hansen
@bobhansenjokes.bsky.social
Stand-up comedian for some reason, Commander of the Bob Squad, card-carrying member of the Cult of Cornette. I like He-Man. I like GI Joe. I like Transformers. I like Axl Rose and the Macho Man Randy Savage.
I don’t like people pronouncing Target like Tar-jay but I’ll say Al Gore Rhythms all day long and ultimately the hero lives long enough to become the villain.
June 10, 2025 at 7:45 PM
I don’t like people pronouncing Target like Tar-jay but I’ll say Al Gore Rhythms all day long and ultimately the hero lives long enough to become the villain.
Dude, tomorrow’s already the tenth…
June 9, 2025 at 3:09 PM
Dude, tomorrow’s already the tenth…
If you’re calling other people sheeple, sounds like more a ewe problem…
June 1, 2025 at 6:11 PM
If you’re calling other people sheeple, sounds like more a ewe problem…
Michelob Ultra has a new non-alcoholic energy drink for when you need an extra kick to take the wheels off the car on the front lawn.
April 28, 2025 at 6:35 AM
Michelob Ultra has a new non-alcoholic energy drink for when you need an extra kick to take the wheels off the car on the front lawn.
There’s a Bobphobic CPAP machine commercial and I don’t like it!
April 13, 2025 at 6:15 AM
There’s a Bobphobic CPAP machine commercial and I don’t like it!
Watched the movie Presence starring Lucy Liu on Amazon. Arguably, the greatest film ever made.
March 20, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Watched the movie Presence starring Lucy Liu on Amazon. Arguably, the greatest film ever made.
Dude, walnuts are the best.
March 20, 2025 at 5:33 AM
Dude, walnuts are the best.
Finally saw Captain America: Brave New World in theaters. Arguably, the greatest film ever made.
March 16, 2025 at 12:25 AM
Finally saw Captain America: Brave New World in theaters. Arguably, the greatest film ever made.
“It’s me, hi, I’m the one who’s seen fire and rain.” - James Taylor Swift
March 15, 2025 at 8:15 AM
“It’s me, hi, I’m the one who’s seen fire and rain.” - James Taylor Swift
Their minds are as narrow as my urethra.
March 12, 2025 at 8:20 AM
Their minds are as narrow as my urethra.
Chuck Norris didn’t turn 85 today. 85 turned Chuck Norris.
March 10, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Chuck Norris didn’t turn 85 today. 85 turned Chuck Norris.
Dude, tomorrow’s already the tenth.
March 9, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Dude, tomorrow’s already the tenth.
There's no contact lenses solution commercial that uses Lionel Ritchie parody "Say you, saline," but I guess everyone just hates money...
March 7, 2025 at 5:24 PM
There's no contact lenses solution commercial that uses Lionel Ritchie parody "Say you, saline," but I guess everyone just hates money...
Been drinking that Muscle Milk. The only muscle it’s working is the small intestine.
March 7, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Been drinking that Muscle Milk. The only muscle it’s working is the small intestine.
Rewatched Godzilla v Kong from 2021 on Netflix. Arguably, the greatest film ever made.
March 5, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Rewatched Godzilla v Kong from 2021 on Netflix. Arguably, the greatest film ever made.
Just finished the Bob Dylan biopic A Complete Unknown on Amazon Prime. Arguably, the greatest film ever made.
March 2, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Just finished the Bob Dylan biopic A Complete Unknown on Amazon Prime. Arguably, the greatest film ever made.
It only takes one crotchety person to taint the experience.
February 28, 2025 at 11:26 PM
It only takes one crotchety person to taint the experience.
Dear airport: I don’t even know what a lithium battery looks like.
February 27, 2025 at 4:53 PM
Dear airport: I don’t even know what a lithium battery looks like.
In the last several comedy shows I’ve done a different comedian has referred to me as bald and I didn’t know I was. But thanks.
February 24, 2025 at 4:11 PM
In the last several comedy shows I’ve done a different comedian has referred to me as bald and I didn’t know I was. But thanks.
No fast food franchise ever took the opportunity to make their new item the 5th meal on the menu and have Lou Bega do "Combo #5" in their commercial, but I guess everyone just hates money...
February 22, 2025 at 4:57 AM
No fast food franchise ever took the opportunity to make their new item the 5th meal on the menu and have Lou Bega do "Combo #5" in their commercial, but I guess everyone just hates money...
Gonna get a tattoo sleeve of a thin mint sleeve.
February 22, 2025 at 4:57 AM
Gonna get a tattoo sleeve of a thin mint sleeve.
I’m the kinda guy who was younger in the past.
February 12, 2025 at 12:45 AM
I’m the kinda guy who was younger in the past.
I’m no good in the sack; my sex tape is a reel.
February 8, 2025 at 4:03 AM
I’m no good in the sack; my sex tape is a reel.
I bet Axl Rose and Kurt Cobain would’ve made up.
January 29, 2025 at 1:41 AM
I bet Axl Rose and Kurt Cobain would’ve made up.
He just signed an executive order allowing Hulkamania to run wild on us.
January 26, 2025 at 6:27 PM
He just signed an executive order allowing Hulkamania to run wild on us.