Bantshire University
@bantshireuni.bsky.social
We throb knowledge, we pulse excellence. Ranked No.1 in the UK for Canteen Facilities (CEF, 2024). Vice-Chancellor Vince Chancelier (He/VC). Parody.
Since 2023, 38 students have graduated from Bantshire University in error. We are conducting a full investigation into how this happened.
November 8, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Since 2023, 38 students have graduated from Bantshire University in error. We are conducting a full investigation into how this happened.
Welcome to our Open Day 👋
Unfortunately, due to the clocks change, our ANPR cameras have fined all Open Day guests who have parked in our car parks between 8-9am. The fines cannot be cancelled, but 5% will go back into improving the student experience.
Unfortunately, due to the clocks change, our ANPR cameras have fined all Open Day guests who have parked in our car parks between 8-9am. The fines cannot be cancelled, but 5% will go back into improving the student experience.
October 26, 2025 at 12:35 PM
Welcome to our Open Day 👋
Unfortunately, due to the clocks change, our ANPR cameras have fined all Open Day guests who have parked in our car parks between 8-9am. The fines cannot be cancelled, but 5% will go back into improving the student experience.
Unfortunately, due to the clocks change, our ANPR cameras have fined all Open Day guests who have parked in our car parks between 8-9am. The fines cannot be cancelled, but 5% will go back into improving the student experience.
🚨 While Amazon Web Services crumbled, our state-of-the-art GeoCities-powered learning environment stood strong
October 20, 2025 at 6:20 PM
🚨 While Amazon Web Services crumbled, our state-of-the-art GeoCities-powered learning environment stood strong
Admissions Teams accepting students through Clearing
August 14, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Admissions Teams accepting students through Clearing
Okay fine, we’ve got places in Psychology, Law and Medicine.
July 19, 2025 at 8:19 AM
Okay fine, we’ve got places in Psychology, Law and Medicine.
It looks like you’re trying to find a creative marketing angle for your disappointing NSS results. Would you like me to start?
July 11, 2025 at 4:57 PM
It looks like you’re trying to find a creative marketing angle for your disappointing NSS results. Would you like me to start?
“My tears were actually tears of joy at our stable financial position”, claims Director of Finance during hastily arranged all-staff webinar, flanked by VC and DVC.
July 3, 2025 at 7:05 PM
“My tears were actually tears of joy at our stable financial position”, claims Director of Finance during hastily arranged all-staff webinar, flanked by VC and DVC.
We have discovered overnight that our new £400k Smart Window™ system at Kent Campus opens automatically to the sound of thunder.
A clean up operation is currently underway.
A clean up operation is currently underway.
June 14, 2025 at 6:21 AM
We have discovered overnight that our new £400k Smart Window™ system at Kent Campus opens automatically to the sound of thunder.
A clean up operation is currently underway.
A clean up operation is currently underway.
If you have a grievance with the University, our complaints procedure is simple and effective - you can register a complaint using forms A24, S12, BA69, and QAQ7668 within 12 hours of the incident.
May 16, 2025 at 4:54 PM
If you have a grievance with the University, our complaints procedure is simple and effective - you can register a complaint using forms A24, S12, BA69, and QAQ7668 within 12 hours of the incident.
Students are kindly reminded to remove post-it note artwork from their windows before this weekend’s open day.
May 15, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Students are kindly reminded to remove post-it note artwork from their windows before this weekend’s open day.
The University of Bantshire | ALL STAFF EMAIL
Buy more shit
bantshire.github.io
May 9, 2025 at 8:03 AM
Finally jumping on the trend…
April 13, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Finally jumping on the trend…
Following disappointing application numbers, the Vice-Chancellor has unveiled our new entry tariffs.
April 7, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Following disappointing application numbers, the Vice-Chancellor has unveiled our new entry tariffs.
We’re upgrading our historic Great Lawn to use durable ArtiGrass™, helping to save on maintenance costs and improve aesthetics.
April 1, 2025 at 7:06 AM
We’re upgrading our historic Great Lawn to use durable ArtiGrass™, helping to save on maintenance costs and improve aesthetics.
“Have you said thank you once?” shouts the Student Loans Company at tearful student after latest statement of £45,000
March 1, 2025 at 4:32 PM
“Have you said thank you once?” shouts the Student Loans Company at tearful student after latest statement of £45,000
Slava Ukraine 🇺🇦
February 28, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Slava Ukraine 🇺🇦
“We throb knowledge, we pulse excellence.”
February 28, 2025 at 5:49 PM
“We throb knowledge, we pulse excellence.”
NEWS: We’re reviewing our partnership with Trump University.
February 20, 2025 at 7:30 AM
NEWS: We’re reviewing our partnership with Trump University.
Our new AI model ‘DeepBant’ is programmed to end all conversations with an unconditional offer.
January 30, 2025 at 1:56 PM
Our new AI model ‘DeepBant’ is programmed to end all conversations with an unconditional offer.
UPDATE: Secret shoppers from our recent Open Day will file their report on our catering as soon as they’re discharged from hospital.
January 11, 2025 at 2:37 PM
UPDATE: Secret shoppers from our recent Open Day will file their report on our catering as soon as they’re discharged from hospital.
NEWS: Students from Bantshire have found a clever way to keep their roof free from snow this winter 👏
January 10, 2025 at 9:16 AM
NEWS: Students from Bantshire have found a clever way to keep their roof free from snow this winter 👏
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and please complete your mandatory e-learning by 31 December.
December 25, 2024 at 9:12 AM
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and please complete your mandatory e-learning by 31 December.
Colleagues, please do not refer to our Emeritus Professors as ‘The Ghosts of Christmas Past’, thank you. ^HR
December 24, 2024 at 1:46 PM
Colleagues, please do not refer to our Emeritus Professors as ‘The Ghosts of Christmas Past’, thank you. ^HR
NEWS: The Office for Students (OhffS) has approved The University of Bantshire’s request to change its name to University of The United Kingdom.
December 20, 2024 at 8:38 AM
NEWS: The Office for Students (OhffS) has approved The University of Bantshire’s request to change its name to University of The United Kingdom.