Bantshire University
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bantshireuni.bsky.social
Bantshire University
@bantshireuni.bsky.social
We throb knowledge, we pulse excellence. Ranked No.1 in the UK for Canteen Facilities (CEF, 2024). Vice-Chancellor Vince Chancelier (He/VC). Parody.
Since 2023, 38 students have graduated from Bantshire University in error. We are conducting a full investigation into how this happened.
November 8, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Welcome to our Open Day 👋

Unfortunately, due to the clocks change, our ANPR cameras have fined all Open Day guests who have parked in our car parks between 8-9am. The fines cannot be cancelled, but 5% will go back into improving the student experience.
October 26, 2025 at 12:35 PM
🚨 While Amazon Web Services crumbled, our state-of-the-art GeoCities-powered learning environment stood strong
October 20, 2025 at 6:20 PM
Admissions Teams accepting students through Clearing
August 14, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Okay fine, we’ve got places in Psychology, Law and Medicine.
July 19, 2025 at 8:19 AM
It looks like you’re trying to find a creative marketing angle for your disappointing NSS results. Would you like me to start?
July 11, 2025 at 4:57 PM
“My tears were actually tears of joy at our stable financial position”, claims Director of Finance during hastily arranged all-staff webinar, flanked by VC and DVC.
July 3, 2025 at 7:05 PM
We have discovered overnight that our new £400k Smart Window™ system at Kent Campus opens automatically to the sound of thunder.

A clean up operation is currently underway.
June 14, 2025 at 6:21 AM
If you have a grievance with the University, our complaints procedure is simple and effective - you can register a complaint using forms A24, S12, BA69, and QAQ7668 within 12 hours of the incident.
May 16, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Students are kindly reminded to remove post-it note artwork from their windows before this weekend’s open day.
May 15, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Reply All: A Short Story (CCed Durham)

➡️ bantshire.github.io/story-email.html
The University of Bantshire | ALL STAFF EMAIL
Buy more shit
bantshire.github.io
May 9, 2025 at 8:03 AM
Finally jumping on the trend…
April 13, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Following disappointing application numbers, the Vice-Chancellor has unveiled our new entry tariffs.
April 7, 2025 at 7:28 PM
We’re upgrading our historic Great Lawn to use durable ArtiGrass™, helping to save on maintenance costs and improve aesthetics.
April 1, 2025 at 7:06 AM
Happy #WorldBookDay 📚
March 6, 2025 at 5:32 PM
“Have you said thank you once?” shouts the Student Loans Company at tearful student after latest statement of £45,000
March 1, 2025 at 4:32 PM
Slava Ukraine 🇺🇦
February 28, 2025 at 6:32 PM
“We throb knowledge, we pulse excellence.”
February 28, 2025 at 5:49 PM
NEWS: We’re reviewing our partnership with Trump University.
February 20, 2025 at 7:30 AM
Our new AI model ‘DeepBant’ is programmed to end all conversations with an unconditional offer.
January 30, 2025 at 1:56 PM
UPDATE: Secret shoppers from our recent Open Day will file their report on our catering as soon as they’re discharged from hospital.
January 11, 2025 at 2:37 PM
NEWS: Students from Bantshire have found a clever way to keep their roof free from snow this winter 👏
January 10, 2025 at 9:16 AM
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and please complete your mandatory e-learning by 31 December.
December 25, 2024 at 9:12 AM
Colleagues, please do not refer to our Emeritus Professors as ‘The Ghosts of Christmas Past’, thank you. ^HR
December 24, 2024 at 1:46 PM
NEWS: The Office for Students (OhffS) has approved The University of Bantshire’s request to change its name to University of The United Kingdom.
December 20, 2024 at 8:38 AM