Why Overgiving Becomes Identity — and How to Pattern Something New “Martyrdom is not a virtue. It’s a pattern. One that repeats when your needs are unmet, your disappointments unspoken, and your boundaries abandoned.” We all know the archetype: The one who sacrifices everything — time, energy, health, joy — for everyone else.The one who keeps giving even when there’s nothing left.

When Being Liked Becomes Your Nervous System's Survival Strategy “You’re not addicted to being liked. You were conditioned to equate being liked with being safe.” “If everyone is happy, I'm happy. I can finally breathe.” This is not just a people-pleasing statement; it's a statement of survival. The approval seeker isn’t weak. They aren't flaky or indecisive. They are deeply attuned, attuned to tone shifts, eye rolls, a silence that lasts too long.

Why the Strongest Person in the Room is Often the Most Exhausted “Overfunctioning is not your personality — it’s a patterned survival response. A fractal.” You’re Not Just Being Helpful — You’re Patterned to Hold It All Somewhere along the way, you became the one who holds everything together. You remember the birthdays. You schedule the appointments. You soften the conflict.

Life transitions are rarely neat or predictable. Life transitions are messy. They don’t arrive in an orderly fashion, asking us to finish one step before moving to the next. More often than not, they invite us into a paradox: figuring out how to let go and hold on at the same time. Letting go asks us to release what no longer serves — our roles that have run their course, the old stories that keep us small, the habituated patterns that weigh us down.

True Confession I’ll start by acknowledging something about myself: I naturally lean toward a declarative approach to life rather than an imperative one. There are times when the imperative approach is absolutely necessary — but for me, it’s a place I visit, not a place I live. Understanding the difference between these two mindsets can transform how you set goals, make decisions, and solve problems.

We all carry a backpack full of “shoulds.”I should be further along by now.I should say yes to that opportunity.I should be more like her. Sometimes those “shoulds” are so ingrained, so habituated, that we stop recognizing where they came from. They often begin as someone else’s expectations—family, culture, mentors, partners, even social media. Over time, they can feel like our own thoughts.

There’s a subtle yet powerful difference between setting a boundary and giving an ultimatum—understanding this difference can improve the way we relate to others and deepen those relationships. Boundaries are rooted in self-awareness. They are what we need to feel safe, respected, and whole. Boundaries are not about changing someone else; they’re about protecting and honoring ourselves through clear, consistent communication…

I regularly hear from high-performing professionals, entrepreneurs, creatives and healers who struggle with endless striving or the "moving goalpost" syndrome. The pattern is universal. You set a goal.You work hard. You meet the goal, often even exceed it, but instead of feeling the gratification of a job well done, you feel let down. You can't quite articulate what it is exactly.

Helpful or Harmful? Labels are everywhere — they influence how we describe ourselves, how others define us, and may influence how readily we seek help or build community. From “introvert” to “entrepreneur,” “ADHD” to “empath,” a label can feel like a lifeline… or a prison. It is important to remember that labels are tools — and like any tool, how we use them makes all the difference.

In my work with high-performing professionals, I often hear clients say: "I can't stay focused. Is it ADHD?" "I’m overwhelmed and disorganized. Is this anxiety or something else?" Too often, people mislabel what they’re experiencing because executive functioning challenges, ADHD, and anxiety can overlap in confusing ways. Misunderstanding the root cause can lead to the wrong kind of support. Let’s clarify the differences so you can identify what’s really going on and get the help you need.