Ariel Elias
@arielcomedy.bsky.social
Punchup.live/arielelias
Comedian, Kentucky, Jewish, Beer chugger
Comedian, Kentucky, Jewish, Beer chugger
The millennial urge to say millennial urge
December 27, 2025 at 2:57 PM
The millennial urge to say millennial urge
Nothing tastes as bad as skinny jeans feel
December 26, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Nothing tastes as bad as skinny jeans feel
They didn't release the Epstein files, they just showed us Instagram on Blackout Tuesday in 2020
December 20, 2025 at 12:11 AM
They didn't release the Epstein files, they just showed us Instagram on Blackout Tuesday in 2020
ChicaGO to my show tonight
(Sorry I woke up with this in my head, but it's like The Ring where I need other people to see it in order to be rid of it)
(Sorry I woke up with this in my head, but it's like The Ring where I need other people to see it in order to be rid of it)
December 17, 2025 at 5:46 PM
ChicaGO to my show tonight
(Sorry I woke up with this in my head, but it's like The Ring where I need other people to see it in order to be rid of it)
(Sorry I woke up with this in my head, but it's like The Ring where I need other people to see it in order to be rid of it)
Reposted by Ariel Elias
If JD Vance was really sleeping with Erika Kirk, I just think her eye liner would look better by now.
December 14, 2025 at 8:07 PM
If JD Vance was really sleeping with Erika Kirk, I just think her eye liner would look better by now.
We owe Charlie Kirk an apology. We were like, how dare you say women should stay at home. But now that we've seen a lot of Erika, it's like oh ok, I still don't agree but I do get where you were coming from.
December 14, 2025 at 5:43 PM
We owe Charlie Kirk an apology. We were like, how dare you say women should stay at home. But now that we've seen a lot of Erika, it's like oh ok, I still don't agree but I do get where you were coming from.
I love how Spanish gives you a heads up at the beginning of a sentence that it's gonna be a question or an exclamation with the upsidedown punctuation. Honestly so considerate.
December 13, 2025 at 8:14 PM
I love how Spanish gives you a heads up at the beginning of a sentence that it's gonna be a question or an exclamation with the upsidedown punctuation. Honestly so considerate.
It's nice to be dressed like shit at the airport, but now as an act of resistance.
December 13, 2025 at 8:09 PM
It's nice to be dressed like shit at the airport, but now as an act of resistance.
The days are short, but the underwear is long
December 13, 2025 at 1:30 AM
The days are short, but the underwear is long
The good news is I can pay my healthcare premium with a credit card, so I can use points for a trip to another country that has healthcare.
December 11, 2025 at 12:16 AM
The good news is I can pay my healthcare premium with a credit card, so I can use points for a trip to another country that has healthcare.
I just scheduled a pap smear for Christmas Eve, because on the day before Christmas, my doctor should be allowed to open one gift
December 10, 2025 at 6:11 PM
I just scheduled a pap smear for Christmas Eve, because on the day before Christmas, my doctor should be allowed to open one gift
Lately I've been sleeping like a baby*
*waking up every two hours to eat
*waking up every two hours to eat
December 9, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Lately I've been sleeping like a baby*
*waking up every two hours to eat
*waking up every two hours to eat
I once did a Q&A for a group of college freshmen. One of them asked if I'd "ever experienced the dark side of show business." I don't know exactly what they were asking, but man am I rooting for that kid.
December 6, 2025 at 11:25 PM
I once did a Q&A for a group of college freshmen. One of them asked if I'd "ever experienced the dark side of show business." I don't know exactly what they were asking, but man am I rooting for that kid.
I love being in comedy. What other industry could I work this closely with this many criminals and still not be rich?
December 6, 2025 at 11:24 PM
I love being in comedy. What other industry could I work this closely with this many criminals and still not be rich?
I'm in a minor, unresolved feud and I just took NyQuil. Really excited to see how my subconscious blows this way out of proportion.
December 6, 2025 at 5:07 AM
I'm in a minor, unresolved feud and I just took NyQuil. Really excited to see how my subconscious blows this way out of proportion.
I'm sick with the flu, and every time my husband checks on me he says my skin looks great. I'd marry him all over again.
December 6, 2025 at 1:45 AM
I'm sick with the flu, and every time my husband checks on me he says my skin looks great. I'd marry him all over again.
Jonah and the whale is proof that some men can make anyone puke
December 3, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Jonah and the whale is proof that some men can make anyone puke
Pretty sure Jonah and the whale is a story about the importance of purging after binging.
December 3, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Pretty sure Jonah and the whale is a story about the importance of purging after binging.
Talking about body types is back in
December 2, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Talking about body types is back in
Stop asking Jews when Hanukkah is. We don't know either.
November 30, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Stop asking Jews when Hanukkah is. We don't know either.
I once dated a guy who ended up in a cult. Just a reminder that sometimes when a guy says he has commitment issues, he means it, but not always in the way you'd think.
November 29, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I once dated a guy who ended up in a cult. Just a reminder that sometimes when a guy says he has commitment issues, he means it, but not always in the way you'd think.
Can I do a face mask but for like, my creaky knees?
November 28, 2025 at 3:26 AM
Can I do a face mask but for like, my creaky knees?
In the movie Gattaca, there's a guy with extra fingers who's really good at the piano, but in reality he'd just be a guy who spends all his free time yelling that photos of him aren't AI.
November 26, 2025 at 4:49 PM
In the movie Gattaca, there's a guy with extra fingers who's really good at the piano, but in reality he'd just be a guy who spends all his free time yelling that photos of him aren't AI.
I saw Toy Story at too pivotal of an age. I just bought new socks and this morning made a point of still wearing the old ones so they don't feel left out.
November 26, 2025 at 3:36 PM
I saw Toy Story at too pivotal of an age. I just bought new socks and this morning made a point of still wearing the old ones so they don't feel left out.
I can tell I've done a lot of work on myself, because now when someone comments on a video that I'm fat and ugly, it doesn't trigger my eating disorder and send me into a spiral. I'm just like, ok but what did you think of the joke though
November 26, 2025 at 3:25 PM
I can tell I've done a lot of work on myself, because now when someone comments on a video that I'm fat and ugly, it doesn't trigger my eating disorder and send me into a spiral. I'm just like, ok but what did you think of the joke though