When Hollywood calls, I like that Sen Mark Kelly can be played by Hugh Jackman. The part of Stephen Miller, however, will be played by a shaved scrotum.

Oi! Just found out "passion" in German 🇩🇪 sounds something like LadyShaft.

I'm ok with that. Maybe I'll like learning German after all.

I feel bad.
Told my cat she's why we can't have nice cardboard boxes.

I feel like the definition of privilege is reading all this horrible news and having the peace around me to think up snarky stuff to say about it.

It's such a pity to be alive for this antique BS.

When you look like Einstein in your old pictures with big hair, just tell them that was your Experimental Phase.

Then wait.
Maybe a while.

#science #experiment #joke #grenade #Einstein #funny #ish

Listening to old Steven Wright material - he wasn't sure his grandfather was dead because maybe they'd just stuck him in the casket the wrong way around.

#batteries #humor #steve #joke #luddite #dead