Andy Watts
@andywatts.bsky.social
i hope elon buys this one too!!!!!!!
Holding my thumb faced down at traffic because I don’t want to hitchhike
November 14, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Holding my thumb faced down at traffic because I don’t want to hitchhike
A24 should produce a Netflix fireplace video and really turn the genre on its head
November 12, 2025 at 3:30 PM
A24 should produce a Netflix fireplace video and really turn the genre on its head
My netflix fireplace video is being lorded by critics at Cannes
November 12, 2025 at 3:30 PM
My netflix fireplace video is being lorded by critics at Cannes
And the award for worst handwriting goes to… Urm… Den… Dennis? Damian? Or is that a Z? Denzel? Urrrrm
November 5, 2025 at 8:29 AM
And the award for worst handwriting goes to… Urm… Den… Dennis? Damian? Or is that a Z? Denzel? Urrrrm
Getting paid by brands to never use their stuff
November 3, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Getting paid by brands to never use their stuff
I’m like a gold digger but for true love and deep connection
November 3, 2025 at 5:10 PM
I’m like a gold digger but for true love and deep connection
me in the quiet carriage of a haunted house train ride getting really irritated about the screaming
November 3, 2025 at 12:01 AM
me in the quiet carriage of a haunted house train ride getting really irritated about the screaming
railcards should get you cheaper tickets on haunted house rides
November 3, 2025 at 12:00 AM
railcards should get you cheaper tickets on haunted house rides
what do regular lice think of head lice? like damn these guys are fussy
November 3, 2025 at 12:00 AM
what do regular lice think of head lice? like damn these guys are fussy
There should be a University Challenge type show but for street smarts
November 2, 2025 at 11:34 PM
There should be a University Challenge type show but for street smarts
I really want to increase my street smarts, so I've hired myself a private tutor
November 2, 2025 at 11:33 PM
I really want to increase my street smarts, so I've hired myself a private tutor
There should be a Mensa for street smarts
November 2, 2025 at 11:29 PM
There should be a Mensa for street smarts
Karate and cowboy culture is very similar in that your status is very much determined by your belt
November 2, 2025 at 11:28 PM
Karate and cowboy culture is very similar in that your status is very much determined by your belt
seeing 10 clams like, damn those boys are harbouring a necklace between 'em
November 2, 2025 at 11:22 PM
seeing 10 clams like, damn those boys are harbouring a necklace between 'em
Policeman arresting me for possession of narcotics when he find out how much sleepy time tea I had in my boot
November 1, 2025 at 11:13 PM
Policeman arresting me for possession of narcotics when he find out how much sleepy time tea I had in my boot
my butler's subservience is giving me the ick
November 1, 2025 at 11:12 PM
my butler's subservience is giving me the ick
I’m best known in my friendship group for scoping out the perimeter
November 1, 2025 at 11:04 PM
I’m best known in my friendship group for scoping out the perimeter
i'm currently in an online game of rock paper scissors with a russian grandmaster
October 30, 2025 at 8:50 AM
i'm currently in an online game of rock paper scissors with a russian grandmaster
rock and paper should team up and beat the life out of scissors
October 30, 2025 at 8:48 AM
rock and paper should team up and beat the life out of scissors
in a public bathroom all forms of matter are dispensed. taps dispense liquid, hand dryers dispense air, and you dispense solids.
October 30, 2025 at 8:38 AM
in a public bathroom all forms of matter are dispensed. taps dispense liquid, hand dryers dispense air, and you dispense solids.
what with my crowing rooster and my cuckoo clock i'm thinking i need to find a way to timekeep that doesn't rely on birds
October 27, 2025 at 8:05 AM
what with my crowing rooster and my cuckoo clock i'm thinking i need to find a way to timekeep that doesn't rely on birds
I wonder what the surname of the guy was who invented Occam's razor. It's probably not a guy called Occam. That would be waaaay too simple.
October 22, 2025 at 10:40 PM
I wonder what the surname of the guy was who invented Occam's razor. It's probably not a guy called Occam. That would be waaaay too simple.
Ancient Egyptian spelling bee: Clay pot. Feather. Two hawks.
October 21, 2025 at 7:27 AM
Ancient Egyptian spelling bee: Clay pot. Feather. Two hawks.
In my hunter-gatherer community the gender roles are reversed. The women hunt for berries, and the men gather meat.
October 21, 2025 at 7:18 AM
In my hunter-gatherer community the gender roles are reversed. The women hunt for berries, and the men gather meat.
My synesthesia having ass thinking of a Lemon: Yellow. Just makes me think of yellow. Weird.
October 20, 2025 at 4:25 PM
My synesthesia having ass thinking of a Lemon: Yellow. Just makes me think of yellow. Weird.