3 years ago, my doctor told me I may never walk again. He said I'm a natural athlete, I could just run everywhere and never get tired
He was looking at my x-rays like 'woah no way, so cool'.
He called me the white Eliud Kipchoge
I like walking though, it's nice

I don't understand clapping when the plane lands. Landing isn't even that impressive, flying is the real achievement. So I clap the whole time the plane is in the air

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, don't even look at the bell. That is MY bell!!

The pen is nowhere near mightier than the sword. Have you seen swords? What are you on about

I'd love to do one of those 'The Holiday' type things, where you have sex with Jude Law in a stranger's house

There's a lot of loud fox sex happening in my garden. They keep trying to get away, but I just love them so much!!

They say I'm addicted to pausing mid-step, but I can stop any time I want

I want to start a vehicle leasing company called Texpectit

Our slogan: "Amazing things can happen when you lease Texpectit"