contrary to how they are popularly depicted, demons are actually extremely blurry
February 4, 2026 at 10:33 AM
contrary to how they are popularly depicted, demons are actually extremely blurry
tryin to slink quietly out of the grocery store after getting busted having a full on conversation with myself about a block of spicy cheese
January 13, 2026 at 3:15 PM
tryin to slink quietly out of the grocery store after getting busted having a full on conversation with myself about a block of spicy cheese
My Dietician: actually knuckle meat is fairly healthy, and the carbs in the bread are not your enemy
January 11, 2026 at 4:57 PM
My Dietician: actually knuckle meat is fairly healthy, and the carbs in the bread are not your enemy
people talk about “going ham” as if ham is not one of the chillest, most ubiquitous deli meats
January 7, 2026 at 2:36 PM
people talk about “going ham” as if ham is not one of the chillest, most ubiquitous deli meats
Dr. O’Flaherty keeps prescribing me potatoes
December 7, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Dr. O’Flaherty keeps prescribing me potatoes
I hate the sound of macaroni my nightmares echo with the sickly fleshy smacking of wooden spoons agitating gooey pasta tubes
November 28, 2025 at 8:06 PM
I hate the sound of macaroni my nightmares echo with the sickly fleshy smacking of wooden spoons agitating gooey pasta tubes
Attention trampoliners! If you’re here for ilyusha’s birthday party make your way to the party room! The hardships of the Snegiryov family are almost imperceptible here!
November 22, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Attention trampoliners! If you’re here for ilyusha’s birthday party make your way to the party room! The hardships of the Snegiryov family are almost imperceptible here!
sometimes I see a beautiful woman and I’m like, that there is a beautiful woman.
sometimes I see a handsome man and I’m like, bet he can’t even do any spin kicks
sometimes I see a handsome man and I’m like, bet he can’t even do any spin kicks
November 18, 2025 at 4:03 PM
sometimes I see a beautiful woman and I’m like, that there is a beautiful woman.
sometimes I see a handsome man and I’m like, bet he can’t even do any spin kicks
sometimes I see a handsome man and I’m like, bet he can’t even do any spin kicks
it’s never a bad time to get trampled by some elk
November 18, 2025 at 2:25 PM
it’s never a bad time to get trampled by some elk
Lisa needs braces, anal glands
November 14, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Lisa needs braces, anal glands
I’ve got two tickets to paradise
*Eddie Money’s two children look at each other anxiously*
*Eddie Money’s two children look at each other anxiously*
November 12, 2025 at 3:06 PM
I’ve got two tickets to paradise
*Eddie Money’s two children look at each other anxiously*
*Eddie Money’s two children look at each other anxiously*
I may not be a mythical creature but I do enjoy lurking among pillars within the catacombs
November 8, 2025 at 1:30 PM
I may not be a mythical creature but I do enjoy lurking among pillars within the catacombs
it’s cute how in Autumn leaves just invite themselves inside like what’s up there any beers in this joint ahah just kidding sweep me back outside whenever you want or whatever
November 6, 2025 at 9:11 PM
it’s cute how in Autumn leaves just invite themselves inside like what’s up there any beers in this joint ahah just kidding sweep me back outside whenever you want or whatever
the fuck you even doin if your distinctions don’t be dubious
November 6, 2025 at 6:18 PM
the fuck you even doin if your distinctions don’t be dubious
sure wings are great but have you ever tried eating a pound of xiphoid processes?
November 3, 2025 at 1:12 AM
sure wings are great but have you ever tried eating a pound of xiphoid processes?
there’s not much better than hitting some old folks on a golf course with a “hail satan”
October 30, 2025 at 12:56 AM
there’s not much better than hitting some old folks on a golf course with a “hail satan”
(extremely Mark Knopfler voice) money for pumpkins
October 20, 2025 at 9:10 PM
(extremely Mark Knopfler voice) money for pumpkins
there’s something abjectly pitiful about a broken down escalator. look at you, you pathetic metal heap. you used to think you were better than stairs
October 8, 2025 at 9:24 PM
there’s something abjectly pitiful about a broken down escalator. look at you, you pathetic metal heap. you used to think you were better than stairs
hate how my iPhone tries to finish my sentences maybe I’m giddy with diarrhea you don’t know
October 1, 2025 at 5:56 PM
hate how my iPhone tries to finish my sentences maybe I’m giddy with diarrhea you don’t know
if you put me in a medieval battlefield I’d probably get nervous, eat too much mutton and die from being sluggish
October 1, 2025 at 3:04 PM
if you put me in a medieval battlefield I’d probably get nervous, eat too much mutton and die from being sluggish
(Pulling down a box half-filled with broken picture frames, followed by a bundle of loose coat hangers) Jesus, who loaded this baked potato?
September 28, 2025 at 3:14 PM
(Pulling down a box half-filled with broken picture frames, followed by a bundle of loose coat hangers) Jesus, who loaded this baked potato?
There’s a sign on a telephone pole along a country road to my parents’ house that says Repent or Perish Time is Running Out. Thing is this sign has been up there for 30 years. They’ve replaced it at least once. I chose perish years ago.
September 27, 2025 at 10:35 PM
There’s a sign on a telephone pole along a country road to my parents’ house that says Repent or Perish Time is Running Out. Thing is this sign has been up there for 30 years. They’ve replaced it at least once. I chose perish years ago.
the winner of the annual pumpkin contest uses a chain saw to cut open the swollen orange behemoth. surprise, shock. inside sits a tiny, delicate man tapping on a typewriter. on the page, two words: ball honkey
September 19, 2025 at 3:07 PM
the winner of the annual pumpkin contest uses a chain saw to cut open the swollen orange behemoth. surprise, shock. inside sits a tiny, delicate man tapping on a typewriter. on the page, two words: ball honkey
one time I was in a hurry and to be honest I don’t recommend it
September 6, 2025 at 12:40 PM
one time I was in a hurry and to be honest I don’t recommend it