Lisa needs braces, anal glands
November 14, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Lisa needs braces, anal glands
I’ve got two tickets to paradise
*Eddie Money’s two children look at each other anxiously*
*Eddie Money’s two children look at each other anxiously*
November 12, 2025 at 3:06 PM
I’ve got two tickets to paradise
*Eddie Money’s two children look at each other anxiously*
*Eddie Money’s two children look at each other anxiously*
I may not be a mythical creature but I do enjoy lurking among pillars within the catacombs
November 8, 2025 at 1:30 PM
I may not be a mythical creature but I do enjoy lurking among pillars within the catacombs
it’s cute how in Autumn leaves just invite themselves inside like what’s up there any beers in this joint ahah just kidding sweep me back outside whenever you want or whatever
November 6, 2025 at 9:11 PM
it’s cute how in Autumn leaves just invite themselves inside like what’s up there any beers in this joint ahah just kidding sweep me back outside whenever you want or whatever
the fuck you even doin if your distinctions don’t be dubious
November 6, 2025 at 6:18 PM
the fuck you even doin if your distinctions don’t be dubious
sure wings are great but have you ever tried eating a pound of xiphoid processes?
November 3, 2025 at 1:12 AM
sure wings are great but have you ever tried eating a pound of xiphoid processes?
there’s not much better than hitting some old folks on a golf course with a “hail satan”
October 30, 2025 at 12:56 AM
there’s not much better than hitting some old folks on a golf course with a “hail satan”
(extremely Mark Knopfler voice) money for pumpkins
October 20, 2025 at 9:10 PM
(extremely Mark Knopfler voice) money for pumpkins
there’s something abjectly pitiful about a broken down escalator. look at you, you pathetic metal heap. you used to think you were better than stairs
October 8, 2025 at 9:24 PM
there’s something abjectly pitiful about a broken down escalator. look at you, you pathetic metal heap. you used to think you were better than stairs
hate how my iPhone tries to finish my sentences maybe I’m giddy with diarrhea you don’t know
October 1, 2025 at 5:56 PM
hate how my iPhone tries to finish my sentences maybe I’m giddy with diarrhea you don’t know
if you put me in a medieval battlefield I’d probably get nervous, eat too much mutton and die from being sluggish
October 1, 2025 at 3:04 PM
if you put me in a medieval battlefield I’d probably get nervous, eat too much mutton and die from being sluggish
(Pulling down a box half-filled with broken picture frames, followed by a bundle of loose coat hangers) Jesus, who loaded this baked potato?
September 28, 2025 at 3:14 PM
(Pulling down a box half-filled with broken picture frames, followed by a bundle of loose coat hangers) Jesus, who loaded this baked potato?
There’s a sign on a telephone pole along a country road to my parents’ house that says Repent or Perish Time is Running Out. Thing is this sign has been up there for 30 years. They’ve replaced it at least once. I chose perish years ago.
September 27, 2025 at 10:35 PM
There’s a sign on a telephone pole along a country road to my parents’ house that says Repent or Perish Time is Running Out. Thing is this sign has been up there for 30 years. They’ve replaced it at least once. I chose perish years ago.
the winner of the annual pumpkin contest uses a chain saw to cut open the swollen orange behemoth. surprise, shock. inside sits a tiny, delicate man tapping on a typewriter. on the page, two words: ball honkey
September 19, 2025 at 3:07 PM
the winner of the annual pumpkin contest uses a chain saw to cut open the swollen orange behemoth. surprise, shock. inside sits a tiny, delicate man tapping on a typewriter. on the page, two words: ball honkey
one time I was in a hurry and to be honest I don’t recommend it
September 6, 2025 at 12:40 PM
one time I was in a hurry and to be honest I don’t recommend it
ain’t enough babies named Horace out there. when we bringin Horace back?
September 3, 2025 at 4:46 PM
ain’t enough babies named Horace out there. when we bringin Horace back?
sure I’ll sell ya smokes but they’re $30 and they have a high resolution photo of a ripped open butt hole on the pack
August 29, 2025 at 8:32 PM
sure I’ll sell ya smokes but they’re $30 and they have a high resolution photo of a ripped open butt hole on the pack
every office building should have an old man who wanders the hallways silently, carrying a bucket full of bones
August 27, 2025 at 3:25 PM
every office building should have an old man who wanders the hallways silently, carrying a bucket full of bones
Amy would be an excellent name for a sniper
August 26, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Amy would be an excellent name for a sniper
Might fuck around and disrespect Menelaus
August 21, 2025 at 11:09 AM
Might fuck around and disrespect Menelaus
my dad’s drug talk was a story about how one time he ate amanita muscaria and everything, from the knots in the kitchen cupboards to the bushes outside, transformed into cats
August 20, 2025 at 6:48 PM
my dad’s drug talk was a story about how one time he ate amanita muscaria and everything, from the knots in the kitchen cupboards to the bushes outside, transformed into cats
Me: when you go to a doctor do they prescribe leeches and a poultice? No, because we have advanced as a civilization.
Office manager: I’m very sorry but a Keurig machine that dispenses cheese simply doesn’t exist
Office manager: I’m very sorry but a Keurig machine that dispenses cheese simply doesn’t exist
August 20, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Me: when you go to a doctor do they prescribe leeches and a poultice? No, because we have advanced as a civilization.
Office manager: I’m very sorry but a Keurig machine that dispenses cheese simply doesn’t exist
Office manager: I’m very sorry but a Keurig machine that dispenses cheese simply doesn’t exist
well hon I just think “your dad invented a way to convert piss to gasoline and the oil companies disappeared him” has a better ring to it than “daddy got convicted of a massive eel fraud and is doing 6-10 years”
August 19, 2025 at 2:04 PM
well hon I just think “your dad invented a way to convert piss to gasoline and the oil companies disappeared him” has a better ring to it than “daddy got convicted of a massive eel fraud and is doing 6-10 years”
If you meet a guy whose nickname is Trout you bet your ass he can fight
August 18, 2025 at 6:53 PM
If you meet a guy whose nickname is Trout you bet your ass he can fight
I bet there’s a lot of seagull feathers at the dump
August 13, 2025 at 4:02 PM
I bet there’s a lot of seagull feathers at the dump