Mary
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alldressedinblack.bsky.social
Mary
@alldressedinblack.bsky.social
chaotic yet boring
i long ago became immune to the sheer number of taylor swift media appearances but fuck this fucking week has me hating travis kelce more than anyone i hate his fucking face so bad fuck off
August 15, 2025 at 3:50 PM
dominic monaghan asking elijah wood if he wears wigs but it’s my brain asking people who have shown me nothing but kindness if they hate me
May 9, 2025 at 3:48 PM
accidentally referred to dumbledore as gandalf last night and tbh it’s the coolest i’ve ever felt
August 11, 2024 at 8:23 PM
god i miss amanda bynes in movies so much. i will be thinking about every single line read in she’s the man for the rest of my life
July 27, 2024 at 3:34 AM
why would i ever ever go to starbucks when there is a local coffee shop near my house that is staffed by a girl i can only assume is the owner’s niece who desperately needs a job
July 24, 2024 at 4:58 PM
you know how i know that awards shows are bullshit? because jake gyllenhal didn’t win an oscar for that michael bay ambulance movie
July 4, 2024 at 3:15 AM
saw a reel the other day that was like “i used to think i was a nympho for touching myself every night but now i know i’m just stimming!” and, like, i dunno babe, maybe you’d be happier if you calmed down with the pathologizing
June 29, 2024 at 9:09 AM
consistently pluralizing wife as wifes and milf as milves just as a little treat for myself

(i actually genuinely forget that most people don’t pluralize milf as milves and also don’t talk about milves as often as i do! sad!)
June 26, 2024 at 4:30 PM
hm feeling sad and lonely. it could be that my period is starting or it could be because i am universally unloved. i guess we’ll never know
June 13, 2024 at 4:57 PM
apparently having a moth tattoo is some kind of bisexual cliche and i’m feeling attacked
June 4, 2024 at 4:04 PM
big news - i turned off my auto capitalization and i’ve never felt so affected in my life
May 16, 2024 at 6:09 PM
Emily Blunt and Dakota Johnson feel similarly mean spirited to me but at least Dakota Johnson is generally funny
May 14, 2024 at 6:34 PM
While Ian and I are horny for everyone involved in challengers, for obvious reasons we are both partial to the dark haired dirt bag one
May 5, 2024 at 11:50 PM
Actually outstared a toddler at the pharmacy the other day so you can imagine the sort of mood I was in (combative)
May 3, 2024 at 8:20 PM
Forgot about the divine healing properties of laughing in a cigarette circle on a spring night
April 21, 2024 at 6:23 PM
If I still have this headache tomorrow I am going to beat something with a baseball bat 🤠
April 19, 2024 at 4:37 PM
Just saw someone Venmo their fiancé for taco bell and I’m sorry but that marriage is not gonna last
April 19, 2024 at 1:52 AM
I need to go into the woods and primal scream or something, everything can just fuck off today
April 16, 2024 at 10:26 PM
People saying Jeremy Allen white looks like gene wilder like that’s a bad thing??
April 12, 2024 at 2:49 AM
I’m such an immediate replier in all aspects of my life that I sometimes write a work email and then just sit around for 15 minutes so I don’t look weird replying so fast. Why I don’t also do this in dating is unclear to me!
April 11, 2024 at 4:24 PM
Did a Terry Benedict write this post?
April 7, 2024 at 3:11 AM
I’m not saying all stereotypes are accurate but I am saying that the boomers next to me at this restaurant were talking about getting hacked on Facebook and how waiters should never argue with customers
April 7, 2024 at 3:05 AM
Parkour? You mean cat-core? Because that is just how cats live their lives. Just a taste of my twisted sense of humor
March 16, 2024 at 8:02 PM
Why is the new triscuit branding so atrocious?
March 12, 2024 at 7:09 PM
Gonna go to a yarn club meeting at the library next week. It will probably consist of two old ladies and one person my age who I will find unbearably annoying but I am still going to attend like an adult who does wholesome activities
March 8, 2024 at 9:02 PM