I don't have children but I do have naps, so there's that.

I am just a woman who carries a bag of chopped up cheap hotdogs attached to her waist. IYKYK.

I like to start a house project and then wait five years to finish it.

I guess I spent the day at the office with a toothpaste drips down the front of my black shirt and didn't realize it until about 30 secs ago. I've totally got everything together over here.

My husband lighting candles for me:

Him: These are different scents.

Me: It's chaotic good.

Him: {that tracks...lights the candles}

I have resting Very Concerned Face.

My accomplishments this week:

1. Started 2 new books when I'm currently 100 pgs into 5 others.
2. Practiced portion control by not choosing the largest possible bowl for bedtime snack.
3. Shared the coveted pickle garnish with my niece and hardly made a big deal about it.

The world is on fire and my dog chooses now to start eating socks. Like dude, c'mon. We 👏 are 👏 at 👏 capacity.