Tonight's post-stream thoughts has me in shambles.
(Slight cut in the middle as it's my saved insta-story!)

Forgetting that I am outside with my dog at midnight and singing Jean Ralphio's "don't be suspicious" song to myself is probably not a great look amongst the neighbors sleeping with their windows open... ah well

Whipped a few of my old tweets over onto here, but done now! The spam has ceased, you are free!

We all keep going "crap" when we SHOULD be going "crepe". Same impact, more joyous!
Dropped your keys? Aw crepe!
Someone spouting shit? That's a load of crepe!
Gotta go number 2? Time to take a crepe!

You're welcome

You miss 100% of the shorts you don't take

You'd think I'd know like ONE thing, but as it turns out I am simply impervious to information

Me to me, tryna open my eyeballs in the morning: Activate wakey wakey protocol.

When you drop your phone and the screen plays smash or pass on itself

Life is like yawning into strong wind without covering your mouth - you never know what you're gonna get

Give a man a burger and he'll eat for a day, but TEACH a man to burger and

I dreamt I did some push ups and I didn't even get tired. Surely that like... counts? When will I see the results of those do you think??

Do you think "tidings" was the "vibes" of yore?

If all gingers came from the same lil DNA mutation we're all at least a LITTLE related, right? Do you think I can call Ed Sheeran and ask him for money???

If you don't start moisturizing your face by swiping the product across your forehead and whispering "simbaaaa...", then BOY HOWDY do I have the skin care routine tip for you